Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Friday Thoughts and Links

As Pierre Bourdieu notes, culture and image tribes have long adorned themselves with the markers of status as part of their determinants imposed upon the mating ritual.

A complex series of social, cultural and hierarchical spheres of visual signification meant to establish ritualistic order over coupling and desire.

And yet.

Somewhere along the line, we ended up with this.

Four prong and boobie paint.

And Elijah kicked a lamb.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “Ok ladies it’s time for the GRATUITOUS NUDITY. You supply the nudity, and we supply the gratuity.”

“WTF Beast.” An epic folk anthem for the po-po-mo generation.

Blogger David Medsker sums up HCwDB’s case against Denis Leary and perhaps rightly takes me to task for jumping the gun on my critique without having seen the show. Still, I stand by my thesis.

And so as not to pull a Leary myself, credit given to reader Luis Douchuel, who came up with the title “The ‘Lifestyle’ Takes Its Toll” along with his submission on Monday, and I used it without crediting him. My fault, L.D. All writing on the site should always be given credit to whomever wrote it.

Sabio and the rest of The Bros ™ find gainful employment in Canada as academically trained scholars of antiquity.

Ed Hardy invades iTunes and creates its own Douche App. Just when you thought it was safe to create a playlist.

A blogger asks why Asian guys prefer white chicks, references Four Prong. The answers lie in the spikes.

Only the boldest of ‘bag hunters and huntresses dare venture into the video gallery of London’s “Elite Parties.” Where stupid people overpay by the thousands to run with the goose for a few hours and pretend they’re having fun.

Okay. Lets get to it.

Today, for your serving of firm, glute hindquarters, we’re gonna mix it up:

Candid Pearma.

A theatrical lineup of gnaw for your Friday eve, as we hike upwards and into the 2 out of 7 days that are not like the others.

Enjoy. For the weekend is upon.

EDIT: Some comments in the threads today aren’t immediately appearing due to a new spam filter, but will go up after a short delay. Should be running normally tomorrow.

Paulie and Angie Discuss Proust

Paulie feels that Marcel Proust’s fractured subjectivity is noted precisely by its lack of moral certainty, and it is here that Proust locates his critique of the alienation of modernity.

Angie disagrees, arguing that Proust’s fractured and emotive narrative style was simply a byproduct of the emerging episodic newspaper publishing cycles of the period, and it is in Proust’s critique of language itself that Proust critiques the realm of the psychoanalytic.

Who will win this debate?

Zach and Kevin Are Undergrad Business Majors

It don’t matter what decade it is.

Undergrad business majors boozing it up with the girls from the next door Jr. College have always looked like these puds, currently look like these puds, and will always look like these puds.

It’s nice to know there are some certainties in life.

Like sultry Blonde Cindy not knowing how much sexual currency she carries until she’s already married, preggers, and living in Jersey while her Wall Street husband commutes. And goes for Thai Massages twice a week.

Friday Haiku

The Choad Warrior,
Macks on Latina Tina,
Busts leather “jazz hands.”

Spike Hair Pasty Douche
Master Illusionist makes
Pride Disappear fast

— THEONETRUEDOUCHE

Beyond Chunderdome,
Gel Gibson channels Jacko,
waits for her li’l bro.

— Wheezer

It’s hard to look seri-
ous, or mean with a tinted
windshield on your face

— Anonymous

Safety Harness at
Hip; hold tight tiny Tina,
For magic explosion

— Luis Douchuel

Blue streak punk bleeth likes
Nic Cage “Valley Girl” dressed Douchebags
I miss the Eighties

— The Fourth Horseman of the Douchepocalypse

quit taco bueno
now magician’s assistant
regrets decision

— paperorplastic

80s retro douche
Needs magic to impress hotts
You’re Terminated.

— Blair

Elliot Zimet:
Make one glove disappear from
Caucasian “Jacko”

— dknutty

Prinze

Dearly beloved…

So when u call up that shrink in Beverly Hills, you know the one – Dr Douchebegone. Instead of asking him why Vegas is filled with scrotewank,
ask him why boobies beckon with primal call.

And…. scene.

The Starhawk Lives in Party Snow

While we’re taking a look back at some of the douchal legends of 2010, here’s July’s HCwDB non-winner The Starhawk.

Still party douchey shoe scrape toe fung outhouse flush.

Still wearing long silky scarves and fondling boozy paid-to-pose Lauren, who while not remotely the hott that maggie was, still looks like she’s ready to party like a pre Hayes Code Clara Bow.

Sad Bonzo

There’s no excuse to be sad when faced with Blue Eyed Bosom, Sad Bonzo.

None.

You’re not really a douche, Sad Bonzo. Probably shouldn’t be on the site.

But hey. Bosom.

And by bosom, I mean fertile flesh gnaw slappy boinger ski-slope happy whee.

O Face Oswald

Oswald may dress like a sidekick villain from a mid-80s teen comedy. And while 80s teen comedy movie references normally make me happy, that don’t excuse the O-Face, Scrotewad.

Now step away from the Dean’s daughter before someone gets expelled.

Arnie The Rayon Shirt Guy

Arnie’s a good guy. He means well.

It’s just he’s had this thing for Sophie from H.R. for the past two years, and he’s so convinced that tonight is the night that he went into three figures to buy that Mark Jacobs shirt on sale at Nordstroms.

And now, sadly, we have to give him a stage-1 Douche tag.

But hang in there, Arnie. Even though it’s a minimal violation, we’re pulling for you.

And Sophie is quality gnaw, as is her B.F.F. from London, Maggie. So we understand the impulse, even if we do not forgive the shirt.

Sabio Says If You Have a Wife or a Girlfriend That Doesn’t Look Like a Man Give Him a Call

“Sabio,” not pictured here but one of The Bros ™ from Monday’s Carla and The Bros ™, responds in the comments thread:

————–
This is a great pic !!!
I am reading this from my balcony in Mexico overlooking the ocean . I must say I have had a great laugh at all your comments .
Enjoy making comments on your computer screen , while I am out here having fun with tons of girls who think my body is amazing !!
To me the only homos are you fags taking the time to beat off to my picture , while you sit in your miserable little room at your moms house.
Your jealous because you only can wish you had a life like mine , 3 months a year in Mexico , and more girls in a week then all you pathetic homos have in a life time .
Cheers , enjoy your shitty day and pathetic lives !
Ps. I get off on the hate so this is just making me laugh , it’s classic !!
When you look like me, losers like you are insignificant , your just plain comedy 🙂
——

And a short while later:

—–
You humor me you pathetic losers we live in Cancun Mexico for 3 months a year in a million dollar condo while u losers freeze in the cold winter in you rental apartment and all you talk about is gay this and gay that that makes you feel better as if you had a wife or girlfriend you notice I say IF u had a girlfriend or wife they would be fixated on f#cking me not u losers and if you have a wife or girlfriend that doesn’t look like a man give me a call and I will show u how to f#ck her so she doesn’t have to stare at the ceiling and fake like she does every night with u

——-

You know who also liked to stare at the ceiling and fake? Hitler.