Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

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The Bedouin Riders from the Island of Long often recruited harem girls who cried “Woo!” across the Serengeti. For their Gatorade would not pour itself.

Chatroulette Douche Sees Boobies For The First Time

A narrative in the classic three act structure with character development, anticipation, set up, plot twist revelation and thematic resolution.

As taught by noted screenwriting guru, author Sid Field.

Captain Shnook Sails The Hottie Seas

We first met 19th Century literary douche legend, Captain Shnook, a few weeks ago, right around the New Year.

Lest we forget, Captain Shnook’s chin fungy creepiness still sails onward until dawn by light of the early frosted dew.

Still orange.

Still chasing hot chick tourists from Sheboygan.

Four Prong: Superstar

The Prong may not have won the 2010 Douchie Award for HCwDB of the Year. So close. But yet so spikely far. But 4P has won entrance into our hallowed Hall of Scrote.

And did win two other well earned Douchie Awards, and shows no sign of de-spiking in 2011.

Here we find the extremely rare and noteworthy Unearned Dog Tags Over Douche-Tie look.

And all that with bonus Shrinky Dink star decal.

Melanie is a stage-4 Bleether. There is no recovery, despite her shapely form. Sadly, the Pronger reaching stratospheres of surreal ‘baguousness means her chances of recovery are slim to de-boobally nil.

The Biebpocalypse

New Rule:

Any feature or display of windswept Bieberhair by anyone purporting to be heterosexual in presence of hot chick results in an immediately and irrevocable autodouche.

I don’t care how normal you otherwise seem. Autodouche.

Cassandra and her slightly less hot sister Nicole both make a rustic wood cabin a perfect setting for tree hump and pensive repose.

Somewhere, Out There, He Still Just Bangs Bitches and Drinks

I’m the laziest HTMLer out there, but eagle-eyed readers may have noticed that the Hall of Scrote has finally been updated to include last year’s HCwDB of the Year finalists, Mister Liptatt, The Sharkbag and the odious winner (loser), Stackhouse the Poet.

While I was doing cleanup, I found a bunch of He Just Bangs Bitches and Drinks posts from 2008 that never made it into the Hall, so that’s been updated as well.

As we celebrate the isolation and spaying of the odious Stackhouse the Poet, it’s well worth checking out our first poet laureate, our 2008 Douchie Winner for Most Trashcan to the Head Worthy, and a visionary dreamer who does not breathe what you breathe:

—–
I wasn’t born to work.

Interests: I’m not here to make friends..I’m here to f@#k bitches and get money.
—–

Melvin Grows Chin Pubes

Melvin’s so proud of his carefully groomed tri-vag configuration, he’s provided us with the by now classic douche self portraiture tradition, the Cell Phone Bathroom Douche-Pose.

Charlene is so expensive a first date hott, your future kid’s college fund just went poof. With apologies to Ray Davies, all for a cuddle and a peck on the cheek. And maybe a crotch fondle if you’re lucky.

Carla and “The Bros” ™

“The Bros” ™ follow three rules in life, and only three rules:

1. Wherever they go, they travel together. Even Sabio’s studio apartment when he’s tweakin’ the booty bump.

2. Shirtlessness at all times is a priori de facto word up, yo.

3. Transcendental meditation is but the gateway to the Godhead, the glorious om can never be verbalized or conceived, only experienced.

The “Lifestyle” Takes Its Toll

On stupid stogie smoking mandana douchebags and former boobie hottie suckle thighs, lost to the ways of Bleeth, alike.

The price is paid at all ends.

And by ends, I mean bungspew.

The Orange Swirl

Lo! Behold! Whither the brown cow of mooing soul? It is the Southwest, and Juliet has a really bad tan.

Mine eyes shut in rebellion, yet the image stain lingers.