Monday, January 24, 2011
The Waterbug
Continuing our recent theme of douchebags and hot chicks in the pool, meet The Waterbug.
Your typical fifth year Senior at a non-accredited university on spring break, scooping up Tasty Tonya in the pool, while wearing the unforgivable “hat + sunglasses + Jesus Bling in a swimming pool” choadwankery.
Still, The Waterbug would only be on the middle end of the douche scale. A stage-2 or 3-er.
But then he had to go and give us the tongue.
Tasty Tonya is a glorious doe eyed and firm gluted minx that deserves better.
And by better, I mean me, slavishly tickling her uvula with a pinky toe while the soundtrack to Twin Peaks plays at quarter speed.
Justin Timberflake.
A Candiru is going to swim up his urethra, and he will then learn about real waterbugs.
Nasty..
Boss, you’re going to put your pinky toe down her throat?
Perhaps he meant “vulva”, which makes much more sense…
Guy in background of second pic FTW with EPIC facepalm.
I’d sink her Battleship.
I’d chum her waters.
@ Fatness
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Then her name wouldn’t be Tonya but Mulva instead?
I’d gaff her albacore.
I’d catch crabs in her tidepool.
I’d pee in her pool.
I’d dive headfirst into her deep end.
Tonya better go to the emergency clinic quick. That’s the worst case of crab I’ve ever seen.
I’d marco her polo.
I’d clean the leaves out of her skimmer.
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…what?
I’d wait thirty minutes before giving her the cannonball.
I’d keep making aquatic innuendos just to see how many I can come up with.
I’d check her pH.
@ Baron
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Try venturing into the Moby Dick and Das Boot themes. I’m too fuccen tired to do it.
OK, here’s one
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I’d sink her great white whales with my pink torpedo.
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Naw, that just sucked. I’m out.
I’d vent her main ballast.
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Hmmm…I dunno. German U-Boats just aren’t sexy like they were in the 40’s.
Baron Von G @4:36p FTW.
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Double pool Jesus bling today DB1? What did I do to upset you? And who wears a fucking hat like that into a pool?! Listen Justin Timberlake wannabe, you’re gonna have to pork a chick ten times crazier than Miss Tonya here if you want to really get your sexy back.
I’m inventing a pool chlorine that dissolves Jesus bling on contact, unless you’re actually Jesus. Patent pending, Leary. Jesus doesn’t give a shit that you’re swimming, maybe start turning that water into wine and then you can wear that thing in the sauna too.
I’d Nina her Hartley
I’d depth charge her flotation devices.
I’d ping her with my sonar.
I’d Natalie her Wood.
^ Nina her Hartley. Spits into his pot bag.
Ginger her Lynn.
Sasha her Grey.
I’d Ron her Jeremy.
I’d Rusty her Bike Pump. Look it up.
The fedora has become autodouche, particularly in Canada.
I’d swab her poopdeck
lotsa commingling in that petri dish of STDs…you could get facial herp just by doin tha crab in that pond…
@ BvG
i’d spelunk her wet cave
I’d let her shiver me timber.
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@Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche (4:33), and her sister is named Delores.
I’d let her blow me down
I’d let her Olive Oil my Brutus until she suffered from Popeye
I’d fuck her pool boy
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wait…
I’d flop her belly
I’d ball her cannon
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wait….
I’d pool her pee
I’d give bottle service to her private cabana
I’d pour hydrochloric acid all over her.
No.
I would seriously dunk her though. Just to get her hair wet. Every chick in that pool has bone dry hair.
She could man my dinghy.
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And by dinghy I guess I mean Frank.
I’d force her to a 30 degree list to port.
I’d break a wave on her starboard side.
This douche has a scar on his pec at the armpit.
I’ll do some frigging in her rigging.
I wanna see the two points abaft the port beam.
I’d chlorinate her bacteria trap
I’ll batten down her hatches.
I wanna scour her lubber’s hole.
I’ll give her a rolling-tackle.
I’d let her wax my bean
I’d let her polish my bayonet
I’d Dos her Equis.
I’d place a shot across her starboard bow
I’d film an episode of “Deadliest Snatch” showing her hold overflowing with a mass of writhing crabs.
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wait….
I’d motor her boat
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^dammit people, 50 posts and we just now got to that old chestnut? We must try harder, and not just post the most obvious shit that comes to mind under our noses.
I’d nut her chest
I’d try my harder post under her nose
I’d hippo her crit
I’d drain her pool, and standing there in a haz-mat suit, nonchalantly pick up a fecal-looking log from the pool floor, take a casual bite out of it, and say “No Big Deal” with my lips in a disjointed pose, causing a well-heeled blue blood dame to faint dead away.
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Dammit no more Canadian drugs in my system.
And in regards to background soccer mom in a blue polka dot bikini holding the beer, I’d make like Reverend Chad Kroeger and Light her Bud.
Nobodys offered to pee in anyone’s butt for almost a fortnight. What’s going on in here?
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When did we all turn into well-heeled blue-blooded dames?
I’d why I her never.
I’d haul her keel
Id roger her jolly
I’d treasure her chest
I’d Davy Jones her locker
make that ‘fur locker’…son
I’d pee in her horse…
Before Dark Sock could…
Son…
I’d land her ho.
I’d swab her poop deck.
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Wait, what?
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No, that’s okay. I would.
I’d bay her watch.
I’d hassel her hoff.
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Okay, now I’m reaching. Too tired. Gnight.
I’d pee in her kiddie pool
I’d bleach her roots. Someone needs to.
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And by “roots” I mean “anus”.
I’d toss her briny salad
i’d crow in her nest….
thnx to BvG!
She could shiver me timber.
And walk me plank.
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Sorry if someone already did these, but I’m so fuccen Kroegered right now.
I’d lap her pool
I’d Mark her Spitz
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what?
I’d Greg her Loose-Anus
I’d Mike her Phelps………um, that sucked……..
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I’d suck her bong. and by “bong” I mean “thong”. And you know what elsoe rhrymes withe Thong”
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I am bein…..’nite
I’d knocka her Chaka
wait that has nothing to do with the pool theme
I’d Sleeze her Stacks
Dammit….POOL THEME…focus, Sock….
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I’d knock her socks
I’d blow her man down.
No, seriously.
I’d make her walk the plank.
My plank.
I’d re-inflate her waterwings.
At the appropriate opening.
I’d tackle her box.
I’d suck his skimmer pole
I’d Yo-Ho her Ho-Ho with a bottle of rum.
I’d hump her tits.
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It doesn’t really fall into the “pool pun” theme, but so what. I’d hump them like a rhesus monkey on a triple espresso.
He suck my dick in GYM class 2006
^Well said, James, my Good Man. Hear, hear! Huzzah, Good Sirrah! Indeed. M’yessss.
Waterbug/Waterbag – what’s a vowel anyway?
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I’d motorboat her boobies like an Evinrude.
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Keep ‘Sock away from that, though – that’s shit’s dangerous.
100?
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Sorry, THAT MUTHAFUCKA.
Fuccen “Authorization Required
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This server could not verify that you are authorized to access the document requested. Either you supplied the wrong credentials (e.g., bad password), or your browser doesn’t understand how to supply the credentials required.
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Apache/1.3.33 Server at http://www.mardecortesbaja.com Port 80″ BS…..
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Trying again:
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EVINRUDE.
I’d tickle her little man in the canoe, Son!!!
I’d scrape her barnacles, What?