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Friday, February 25, 2011
Friday Haiku
It’s…. Billy the Pudd!!
Blocks pic of almost sapphos.
God slays a puppy.
Pee-Wee Hairless-Man,
Pubis smooth as Porsche’s bonnet,
hence the fractal shorts.
— collossus of choads
Tri Delta sisters
Do community service
With brain-dead patients
— Hong Kong Douchey
This douche wants your love
His daddy was a jerk so…
Now we have to pay.
— That one girl I met awhile back
Bandanna Barry
Wears Gi-normous Douche Goggles
Somebody smite him!
— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
Brokeback Mountain Jeb
has no interest in sisters;
prefers time with bros.
— Wheezer
leopard ‘kini hott
siezes my full attention
big top in my pants
— creature
CBS is proud
to announce the new star of
Two and a Half Men.
— Mr. White
Thursday, February 24, 2011Breaking: The Donkster Goes Free!
Many longtime readers have been following the travails of Hall of Scrote legend and 2009 Irving Thallbag Lifetime Achievement Award winner, the mythic icon that is Donkey Douche.
From his arrest back in 2008 over alleged drug dealing, terrorist threats and general douche-rage, we all wondered when the crimson visage of the donkster would again be back in action rubbing up on A-level club hotties.
Now, word comes out that after an epic two year legal battle , the Donkster is going free:
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A jury found a Palatine man not guilty Thursday of making a false bomb threat while going through security at the DuPage County courthouse in Wheaton.
Marc J. Mueller, 32, also was acquitted of a bribery charge alleging he offered to pay sheriff’s deputies to avoid prosecution.
Mueller was arrested about 8:20 a.m. July 17, 2008, as he attempted to enter the courthouse to appear in an unrelated drug case.
Sheriff’s Deputy Chris Shannon testified that Mueller arrived, accompanied by two friends, and attempted to bypass several people waiting in line to go through security screening after yelling profanities and acting belligerent.
Shannon said he ordered Mueller to return to the line and take off his belt, at which point the defendant told him it was a “belt bomb.”
Mueller was arrested on the spot on a felony disorderly conduct charge.
Moments later, the defendant — carrying more than $5,000 at the time — offered a cash bribe described as a “tip,” said Shannon, whose testimony was corroborated by several other officers.
“He seemed fairly serious,” Sgt. Thomas Hoffman testified.
But Mueller flatly denied both allegations on the stand Thursday, saying tempers flared but there were never bribes or threats.
“I sarcastically said, ‘It’s a belt, not a bomb,’” he testified.
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Remember kids.
It’s a belt. Not a bomb.
Thursday, February 24, 2011Where’s Waldouche?: Smuggy Lips Edition
Somewhere in this lineup of Southern Bottle Blondes whose legs all need a triple pooch, I’ve carefully hidden a Smuggy Lips.
Oh sure, you thought he was innocuous at first.
But this story won’t end well.
Thursday, February 24, 2011Toxic Terry Works the “Tough Guy Sad Face” on Angelica
Toxic Terry has perfected the “Tough Guy Sad Face” ‘bag maneuver.
How’s it work? Like so:
1. Wear “tough guy” apparel. Gangsta threads. Dress “hard.”
2. Show a hint of the “sad face” when around the boobie hottie suckle thigh. Let them think they can reach your “inner wounded child.”
3. Reap rewards.
This is one of the most toxic douchehunds we hunt, ‘bag hunters. Glorious curvy Angelica has been trapped in toxic sludgewack. We must help. And by help, I mean mock.
Thursday, February 24, 2011Frobot
Frobot knows quality pear when he sees it. In fact, if it weren’t for the stupid facial pubes, Frobot might even earn a nottadouche.
And that is most certainly quality pear. Plus “Eye of Coitus” bonus in pic #2. I would gnaw. And touch. And weep.
For the Frobot knows all.
As The Frobot will demonstrate when it beats Watson on Jeopardy next week on the Final Jeopardy Question: “This comical fictional hair product was featured in a 1988 comedy directed by John Landis.”
Thursday, February 24, 2011Reader Mail: Four Prong Rains on Seattle
Jesse writes in from Seattle with a Four Prong tag:
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So it has now come to my attention that 4-prong either lives in my sweet Seattle… or decided to drop his sweet douche self by… which is not okay.
I spotted these pictures that a few friends of mine posted, and had to ridicule and applaud them for snagging a photo with this fool. Enjoy.
– Jesse
P.S. I have no idea who this other douche is, but had to include his duck face.
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Like The King before him, the truly odious carriers of the Grieco Virus are mobile. Spreading their taint on hot chicks across this nation.
Especially the Bobbsie Triplets. Three glorious peroxided blondages of feminine spank gnaw.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011Skippy and Timmy and Playboy Gangstas
Continuing our theme this morning of wily pudwacks who worm their way into situations well above their puberteric ranking, we find Skippy and Timmy.
Somehow talking Inga and Minka, the hottest exchange students from the local junior college, into posing for “Playboy Night.”
Now granted, Skippy and Timmy blew the last of Aunt Jennie’s 16th Birthday gift money on the ladies for the evening’s dress-up festivities.
But it was worth it.
Wait’ll the bros on Second Life hear about this party!! They’ll be jelly for years to come. Bro.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011Truth in Spiritual Advertising
Because when the tongue licking and alcoholism stop, there’s only the haunting wind of existential crisis and ultimate meaningless echoes of cries that will not be returned in this cold and harsh wilderness we call life.
In other words, do it, Tommy. Go for it.
How bad could it be?
Man, I’m grumpy this morning. Must be my Keurig coffee robot thing
Sailor Sam Nurses His Wounded Pride
Don’t turn around, Kelly!
Sam’s wacky sidekick, Smitty, just discovered he has a peen!
Yeah. I said peen.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011Scrappy Sneaks In Through the Out Door
The title of this post has a number of meanings.
One of them involves sneaking in through the back door of the club because even if the girls of Minsk aren’t Hollywood Hott quality, Club Vedanya still has standards.
The other meaning involves gophers, a jar of Crisco, Julie Delpy’s sister and a small migrant dock worker from Bolivia with colitis.
