Wednesday, February 2, 2011
The Wank
Some douches hitting on girl-next-door real world tasty Rachel Hotts like Rachel Hott here deserve incisive and elaborate critical deconstruction.
An erudite textual and thematic analysis engaging post-structuralist understandings of the generative modes of consumption read through a Birmingham School audience studies analysis of the meaning significations of their myriad cultural violations.
Others are simply wank.
Like this guy.
Wank.
Ratchet cock blister
Is his last name Mercurio?
When Rachel’s severed arm was reattached wrong, she was greatly distressed.
.
She was however, the only woman at the Police Training Academy who could actually “shoot from the hip.”
.
The malpractice suit is still pending.
It appears that he’s having a bit of an issue with the hair plugs (obtained from an incontinent Mexican Whooping Llama) he got last week. They seem to be a bit unevenly spaced and you can see the line across the top of his melon near the back where it appears the insertions were started. I guess that’s what happens when you get them done on your smoke break by your bro Best Buy.
Rachel is totally rethinking being the volunteer for the cheek to cheek skin graft that would last “only” 5 months.
motherfuccker. AT Best Buy. I need A LOT more coffee.
Rachel’s father, Rabbi Shlomo Weissen, did not approve of her dating the otherwise unemployed Cantor, Yuri Wankstein .
.
His non-Shabbos sheliach tzibbur evenings were spent in dusky open mic night arenas in backroom North Hollywood locales singing unplugged NIrvana songs and his constant hip thrusting to the “Shema Yisrael” was disturbing enough to make Mrs’ Goldberg faint during the high holidays , only to be revived by Wanks very inappropriate CPR tactics.
.
“Can’t you find a nice Yiddusha fellah with a dental practice?” are the first words uttered by Rabbi Shlomo each day
.
.
.
True story (thanks to Google for the proper terminology)
Barstool U.com , an offshoot of the very entertaining Barstool Sports.com brings us Charlene from Queens, NY, Smokeshow Of The Day :
.
wow he’s squishing her face.
…
…
…
…
…
…
that’s all i got.
Is this some kind of self-fulfilling ironic hipster version of Leisure Suit Larry?
No, you’re right DB1. It’s just wank.
Look at her arm.
.
She cannot be restrained by handcuffs.
Her arm’s so skinny she flosses with it.
Her arm’s so skinny she severed his right nut while jerking him one night.
Her arm’s so skinny her radius is inside her ulna.
Her arm’s so skinny her electric pencil sharpener has to have a hand guard mounted on it.
Her arm’s so skinny her she has to put a thimble on to wipe.
^What?
Her She? Great now I’m hungry for chocolate.
That belt buckle has more girth than Rachel
What is this, HotChickswithFreakyArmswithDouchebags.com? Rachel’s purse looks like its about to snap her twiggy arm in half.
.
Wank if you don’t stop peering at me over your mirrored faux cop sunglasses I’m going to have to citizen’s arrest you for disturbing my peace. And don’t forget to return your tuxedo jacket to the Men’s Warehouse rentals when you’re done with it.
Rachel’s so skinny you can see when she’s swallowed Tylenol.
This is one of the scenarios where only one “douchetribute” is required for the subject to be labeled “Douche”. In this case, it’s the dreaded yet all too common “sunglasses on while in da club”. Hell, Miller Lite makes fun of this in one of their tv commercials. Yep, your aviators mean you are a total fuckstick of a douche.
And Rachel’s arm is so skinny she buys toe-rings and wears them as bracelets.
Gotto go with notta douche, though it was touch an go with the satin lapels for a moment.
1) Aviators instead of ridiculous wrap-arounds.
2) Ordinary blue jeans
3) Black belt instead of white
4) No evidence of tribal, Kanji, or any other dumb tat
5) No ab or groin reveal
6) No kissy-lips
7) Not orange
8) No Ed Hardy or A/X
.
Really, other than a slightly large western belt buckle, the satin lapels, and the over the glasses glare, he’s in the clear. Looks too much like me to call this douchery!
Dude McCrudeshoes
.
Wait for the other pics. He is douche. It is in his aura and he can be nothing else.
@Mc Crudeshoes, the shirt is kinda douchey too. It looks like a Smurf’s moneyshot. I know because I watch a lot of Smurf porn.
Aaaaaand Vin adds yet another photo to my Spank Bank…..
.
So, Vin, in thanks for your efforts to help me maintain my tennis elbow and carpal tunnel, I give you Hockey Hotts…..
He’s Stage 1, but still a douchebag. No notta from me. Them are some skinny arms she’s got, though.
.
Her arm’s so skinny it rarely gets wet in the rain.
Her arms are so skinny the wind whistles when she shakes your hand.
Her arms are so skinny she lost an arm wrestling match to Bethany Hamilton.
Her arms are so skinny she wears her wedding ring as a bracelet.
Her arms are so skinny it’s medically impossible for her to cradle a baby.
.
.
.
Or Plinky’s mom.
Her arms are so skinny she can’t stop elevator doors from closing.
Her arms have the tensile strength of an overcooked spider leg.
Her arms are so skinny they too small to qualify as ADA compliant hand rails.
The blues, violets and orange against black in this photo are a lot more interesting than her skinny arm. That’s chroma for ya’.
Typically, your douche spends too much time in the gym undertaking vaguely homo-erotic workout sessions with their bros. This douche needs to build some stronger neck muscles or buy smaller mirror aviators.
They seem to be a bit uneven and you can see the line at the top of his melon on the back where it seems insertions were launched. I guess that’s what happens when you do on your cigarette break on your Best Buy bridge.
I cant allow the “Sunglasses at Night” vibe to ever get a free ride here.
Fuck that, he is stage one Douche.
Wank’s drinking a White Russian. Case closed.