Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Bowser the Beachsnake
It’s like those old Frankie Avalon/Annette Funacello beach blanket movies from the 1950s.
Only with less twist dancing and more Valtrex.
Annette Hippie Hott sucks on her lollipop with what Freud calls an oral fixation due to trauma during the oral stage.
In a strange coincidence, Oral Stage was also the name of the first Mormon to set foot in the Adirondacks.
This looks like a typical day at Venice beach populated by the typical douche culture that migrates there. After the cops wake them up. Or else they would drown. Is that a bad thing? Yep, makin’ no sense because the coffee cup is empty. Shit.
He’s a douche that, without the tatts, would consider himself without “game”. They help define him, which makes him all the more pathetic.
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I want to watch her suck that lollypop, whilst self-abusing.
^ Uh yeah, I’ll just be over here studying the sex habits of teenagers. With my binoculars. For science! And Big Daddy better make more than a surprise cameo. And by Big Daddy, I mean penis.
Poseur the beachsnake……….I got nothing.
Bowser’s hope fades more each day as he rides his scooter to work in quiet desperation, eyes squinting against the cold drizzle. The scooter obediently follows the steel track installed in the road by tin-badged city planners and fat bureaucrats who surreptitiously masturbate in elevators and utility closets. They control the Machine from hidden places, their beady eyes glued to monitors, insuring no one strays to the right or the left.
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He’s endured the temporary job at Taco Bell® for six years now, and can no longer deny his fate. This IS his life. Nail polish remover and vodka can’t clean the salsa and shame from beneath his finger nails. He tells his family and friends that he wants to go to school. They nod politely, and talk behind his back. The promise of further education falls to the greasy floor like the “ground beef” he serves, seasoned with phosphates, yeast extract and lies. Desperation runs down the back of his neck and puddles on the floor between his shoes, where it mingles with processed cheese and hot sauce.
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When his shift is over he returns home guided by the same steel track in the same road. He retires to his dusty garage apartment. He turns on the TV as he cracks open a bottle of Dark Eyes. As he slowly drifts into unconsciousness, the Discovery Channel drones on in an endless loop of re-runs, and he dreams of that day at the beach, Annie’s bedroom eyes, firm breasts and his life’s elusive relevance.
She’s hate-fucking me with her eyes. And I’m O.K. with that.
Bowser discovered axe handles during his anal stage
Mr. Stick there might wanna spend a few less hours in the tatt parlour and a few more hitting the weights. It looks like he could not punch his way out of a paper bag. He also seems to think that a smart phone in each fist and nerd glasses give him the machismo look he craves.
Shirtless at what looks like a lame concert with a St. Louis Cardinals hat and a “livin the dream tatt” on the arm. Really? What dream would that be?
Pfah???
I’m with ^ Et Tu Douche?…After looking at so many of these pudwack, fucbags I find myself unable to muster much in the way of mock. And as I type this a terrifying thought crosses my mind: Is this the nefarious plan of douchebags, to so numb us to their ways of chodewankery that we no longer have the strength and desire to mock, and as a result accept? Oh my, I will have nightmares tonight….Forget about the Zombie Apocalypse, the Douchebag Apocalypse is on the horizon…
Ashley Simpson and Pete Wentz throw a free concert in the parking lot of the Albuquerque Isotopes. Interest level seems appropriate.
Why does he have a Thai lettuce wrap tattooed below his belly button? Nevermind. I don’t want to know. He’s a total dweebus with or without the bargain ink he got from the junior associate at Frank’s Quality Tattoo Shack. Too lame for me to focus too much contempt.
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Annette does freelance neutering of puppies just for grins. She’s been known to neuter the same puppy 4 or 5 times. I’m getting a strong “hates men, especially daddy” vibe from this psycho beast.
Boss, the Mormon spelling is ‘Orel.’
That’s my sister! haha
I was going to say is that planet earth on his naval? WotF?
“Livin’ the dream”……..more like a nightmare.
“Livin’ The Dream”. Will that still apply when he’s in the nursing home, shitting in a bag and breathing with the aid of a machine? Jus’ wonderin’…
“Livin’ The Dream.” Will that still apply when he’s a cuckolded divorce’ in an efficiency apartment and working at a car wash? Jus’ wonderin’.
“Livin’ The Dream”. Will that still apply when he’s 350 pounds and impotent? Jus’ wonderin’.
Remember kids: Never get a tattoo that references your current station in life (i.e. ‘Gangsta 4 Life’, ‘Bad Boy’, ‘Sexxxy’). You never know where you will be in 25 years. This message brought to you by the Cynics’ Tattoo Union Local 305.
After the “High School Musical” trilogy faded into obscurity, Ashley Tisdale began to hang around with
men that referred to her as “that Disney bitch”.
Diamonoid earing, glasses with no lenses. I hate this punk.
Which St. Louis Cardinals player is he?
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a) Albert Poo-hole
b) Stank Poo-sial
c) Boob Gib…..Son
d) Ted Sizedless
e) Zyzzy Dean
f) Red Shamedeist
Or maybe:
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g) Poo Crock
h) Curt Dud
Biggest douche in SD with the worst tattoos I have ever seen and there have been tons of horrible ones on here. Someone please post where he got that from so I never go there. Go back to the sticks douche.
That has to be a first year tattoo artist that just bought their first tattoo machine. It looks like pencil drawings on rice paper. Nice dream
Off Road Tattoo in the first Jackass movie yielded better results than this pudwhack.
a certain dinosaur with a turtle shell is now very angry.
@Hermit 8:12p, the plight of the career Taco Bell employee has not been fully understood until now. Thank you.
Boss, it was Bowser the Hound by Thornton Burgess.
I believe that’s the new Ed Hardy sucker. Ironic isn’t it? And look at of the Michael Stipe fart.
The promise of higher education rests with rich soil as “hamburger”, he wins, seasoned with phosphates, yeast extract and lies
I saw that douche get his ass kicked in Hard Rock down town a couple of months back.
Biggest tool bag in SD