The Hot Mess: Medusa’s Sloppy Seconds Messy Edition
Medusa Oblongata takes time from her busy schedule of bleaching the playpen to deliver this societal eulogy:
In a perfect world, this douchenozzle would have just drowned in the pool. These girls would have fished him out, not to help, but to make a mockery of his hipsterdouche beard and shaved, pallid torso.
In a perfect world, Gigglescarf would swipe his wallet, while Raven LeVamp kneed him in his cold, shrunken genitals. They would leave his limp, wet body on the terrace and head over here for a repast of cupcakes, Doritos and Manhattans, perhaps followed by belly pooching, and more of Raven’s Eye Of Coitus demonstrations.
But this is not a perfect world.
This is where douchebags feel the supple young boobies of poolside hotties press against them. This is the world where buffoonery and arrogance are rewarded with positive hott interaction.
This is why we must mock.
For the buffoons bed with the hotts tonight as the lone coyote howls over the hills and the tasty snack cakes lie in state in cellophane coffins.
The one on the right definitely tapes dong. Fairly certain she was one the latest episode of turning in to Chaz. I don’t want to call it a tranny, oh wait yes that is exactly what I want to call it right after she/he/it nuzzles my fuzzy warbles.
As for him I wouldn’t waste the $.32 a bullet would cost, I’d just point to the La Brae Tar pits and yell hair gel.
In his mind, he’s on the cover of Details magazine. In our minds he’s on a sewer cover beaten, passed out and head to toe in his own vomit and feces.
.
.
Too much?
Not Hott on the right has some tissue paper peeking out of her bra….drats, everyone thought she was 18, and a chick!
I don’t think I would oerform wet analingus here, particularly in regards to the dude.
.
And thank you to those who tested my landing page. It appears to work well in Mississippi, Utah, and California.
Niece of Samurai Scrote on the left? Discuss.
Dear kroeger sucks
We have received your request and very shortly an executive will contact you at your given details.
Thank you once again for your time.
Regards,
Dale O’Dair
While I agree with Lady Medusa’s post, I think we deserve some pear postings with all this not so hot chicks being posted today. Check the websites email Sock. There’s pear there.
i am thinking this is the rare berniebag, or corpsedouche, the girls have that special gleam of a job well done, waiting for winston wolfe to show up.
whatever. I’d shove my English dong in both of them. Cover boy can wear as many shades as he wants…..this English prick is gettin it in
I think MO is far too nice in her assessment of this unholy triumvirate. In a perfect world Douche Nozzle would have died painfully during a late term abortion, and the two skanks with him would have been sold into the slave trade in some third world, eastern europe turd bowl, where they would have been subjected to non-stop anal intercourse with members of the radiation-mutated clean up crew from Chernobyl.
.
Too much?
DoucheyWallnuts FTW. Skank on right would have stretch marks on both sidesof her taint from all the giant, glowing, callused dong pulsing in and out of her sharthole…
And taint marks on both sides of her stretch.
Admin Sock if the link isn’t as kosher as your circumcised salami please slap my hands faster than Anhuld can produce offspring and remove this post.
@ Medusa in case you haven’t found it on teh internets yet
http://www.latfh.com/
@ Mr. Reeve:
.
There’s a website email?
.
.
.
Dammit, Boss!
.
Worry not, Mr. Reeve; there’s the nightly goody already queued up. But if I hack my way into that email, or if DB1 can sneak off 5 minutes with his sherpa’s iPhone while he’s distracted trying to pitch their yurt, then I shall see if he’ll forward it to me. Because more pear…is more.
Oh and a word on the avatar admin. Kindly alter it before I am forced to pluck that forest you call anal hair with hedge trimmer and rusty straight razor I found in a sewer grate once.
@duck duck douche, wait you didn’t pick that avatar? I think she’s cute. You should just roll with it.
Medusa, may I say a fine job on taking over for DB1 for the day. And sorry, but I think the “straight out the barrio” (that barrio being somewhere in Scottsdale) look latin hot on the left is trying to work is sort of sexy. Just sayin.
The collective value of their futures would buy him a haircut and a set of Lee press on nails for the girls to fight over.
.
Nobody will weep their passing, and their parents have already made plans to turn their rooms into home theatres.
.
Montreal is warmer and less snowy today than the Scrotato Head enclave in Utah. That is not a good thing.
.
I need a drink.
@Magnum Douche
I agree. Her XS American Apparel tank would double nicely as my clean up tool
Herman soon regretted his limp grip on the Lucky Strike in his left hand, as a smoldering dollop of ash wafted like a fiery snowflake, into the knee deep pool of kerosene that bore their weight.
I can totally play this:
.
.
.
…. on my computer , like you just did
Raven LeKamp has a price tag sticking outta her left side boob. $56 for that one, $156 for both. The other one is HUuuuuGe!
boobies.
@Mr. Belvadouche, I take back what I said about wanting a butler as a kid. Damn your a horny British bastard. Streaks on the china…yeah probably because you jizzed on it.
The only thing I could do faster than Yngwie above is steal his Rolex if I needed drinkin’ cash.
that’s a funny looking “acoustic guitar” solo.
.
Eebocaster must have the same physician as Darksock
.
And shit.
@Sock, it was very high quality pear I sent. And by high quality pear I mean stiff tube steak quality pear. And by stiff tube steak quality pear I mean messy keyboard quality pear…..SON
I patiently await the glorious ass pear on this fine afternoon.
Nice post, Medusa. You really set a high benchmark.
Raven is cute; if she’s a guy, I’m pissed. ‘Cuz that makes me somewhat gay, I think. Too bad, my parents will be bummed.
I bet both their poons smell like a KFC grease trap. But yeah, still would…
Meh… I was feeling generous. I get sick of always being a venemous cunt-ratchet all the time. Every now and then I gotta say something nice about the girls, even if they’re not that hott. I have a feeling that these two are going to ripen into something nice. That is, if they don’t die of Axe Poisoning.
.
@ Duck Duck 12:17–
I have seen that. And I’ll raise you something that will make every asshole on LATFH cry PBR-scented tears: http://dadsaretheoriginalhipster.tumblr.com/
HAHAHAHAHA YOU LAMEFUCK FIXIE BIKE ART FAGS!!! YOU DIDN’T THINK OF ANYTHING FIRST! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND IRONY AND YOU ARE JUST LIKE YOUR PARENTS! AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! Aw, jeez, I just crapped myself.
“Francis is busy.”
“Busy doin’ what?”
“He’s taking his bath.”
“Oh yeah, well where are they hosing him down?!?”
Right here, Pee-Wee. Right here.
Well, it’s high time the ubiquitous red cup went Green. Even Bleeths and douchebags have to keep up with the environmental times.