Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Pointdexter Makes his Point

Yes Pointdexter. There is a camera there.

The fact you find it more interesting than Andrea’s chompable butt glute cakey cake purity and firm and ripened slather melons suggests you need to reconfigure the hierarchies of your conceptualized priorities in terms of how you structure reality.

Start here:

Strippery butt reveal > nearby camera guy

Once Upon a Time in a Magical Forest…

A fairie took a dump on a douche. Then they all went out for ice cream. And Jesus was happy.

— Excerpt from the rejected first draft of C.S. Lewis’s The Chronicles of Douchenia.

Real World Rockerdouche Tommy Mugs Your Ex-Girlfriend Kaitlyn

Hard to top last night’s Moley Mole thread, so lets start off this Thursday with some odious Real World Rockerdouche.

You know the type.

Not inflatable. Nor cartoonish.

Real world douchebaggery.

Looks almost normal from a distance.

Then you get close and count the douchetributes: Jesus Bling, Stupid Tatts, wristdanna, Iron Cross belt buckle and three finger rings.

And our shared upchuck factor responds to the mugging our collective ex-girlfriend, Kaitlyn, during 2-for-1 at the Oyster Fry Shack Summer Solstice Party.

Gretchen’s Mole

Mole.

Perhaps unfair? Okay, lets mock the hat. Although Gretchen’s Baguette status is equally unfortunate.

Mole.

Where’s Happy Guy?

Somewhere in this lineup of quality action-packed giggle shake jiggle quake, I’ve carefully hidden a Happy Guy.

He is Happy.

And we are happy for him.

nottadouche, goinpeace and slap Ashley’s butt on the way out. We’ll forgive you.

Promtard and Kelly

Somewhere there’s a wacky mid 80s teen comedy back story involving nerds, jocks, cross dressing, a telescope, teen wolves, time travel, a Porsche, the Enchantment Under the Sea dance, a bribed janitor, the popular girl and, of course, the “big game” coming up.

Or it’s just a Promtard and Kelly.

That Creepy Dude You Knew in High School Now Wears a Light Blue Hat

And busts the patented “cigarette + fruity drink” move at the downtown Providence, Rhode Island, “Steam Punk Art Showpalooza 2011.”

Sadly, that nerdy hippie chick you also knew in High School never learned her lesson, neither. That painful reality is about two years away. After Creepy Dude crashes her Prius into a trash can after O.D.ing on Four Loko and Pop Rocks.

HCwDB After Dark

C’mon in!!

The weather’s fine.

Just a little northern breeze. Nothing to get worked up about.

Have a seat by the arcadian fire pit.

Grab some Malaysian rice wine, served in a lotus leaf.

There ya go. Now have a go at mocking Square Watch Ned. For his stupid-face bothering Lithe Linda is all that is societal itch about societal itchface.

Yup. It’s HCwDB After Dark. And anything goes.

Even a surreptitious boobie poke with an ivory feather duster.

The Roastbeefer Beefs

Recently anointed HCwDB of the Week winner(loser) The Roastbeefer and the Nikita Twins celebrate their win.

With more beef.

Los Angeles smells like sock sweat and Drakkar Noir.

Pop Quiz: Oily Bohunks and Ass Pear

Pop Quiz:

Q: What’s worse than seeing a smug and unappreciative oily bohunk surrounded by a sea of chompable pear?

A. The Holocaust

B. The Khmer Rouge

C. Years 5-12 of The Black Death

D. Marathon episodes of back-to-back “According to Jim,” Ludovico style

E. Nothing