Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Three Ladies and a Little Miss Pony

Chazz can’t decide which he’d prefer to play with.

Marty Fungenstein Would Like to Sell You A Shake Weight

It’s only slightly used.

Bra!! Lives!! (and Still Enjoys Tasty Cola Products)

It’s been over three years since Bra!! first ordered a tasty Pepsi to impress the tiny Asian he met poolside while rolling through life, brohemian style.

Over three years, but in many ways Bra!! enjoys his beverages eternally.

For Bra!! will enjoy tasty cola products as long as there are tasty cola products to be enjoyed.

Here’s to you, Brosephus!! May your Pepsi supply and friendly Quartasian Hottie supply never run dry.

EDIT: This is not a new pic of Bra!!. But Bra!! lives on, sipping away, in our hearts and beverages.

70s Fro Guy Wins at the Game of Post Divorce Life

You know what’s playing in 70s Fro Guy’s Toyota Prius don’t you?

That’s right.

Steely Dan’s Greatest Hits Vol. 2.

Babylon Sister.

Shake it.

Where’s Waldouche?: Generic Fratflush Edition

After that last Eurotrosity, we need some real world, wholesome all American suckle thigh.

So, for your viewing pleasure, let me introduce: Ashley, Kelly, Kelsey and Jenn. Maybe not stylized model-hotts from paid-to-pose clubland. But real world spackle pooch all, with Ashley and Jenn ladying my godivas.

The waldouche?

Rare-ass Blue Cup does not approve of his antics.

The T.S.A.’s New “Shocker Enforcement Policy”

Don’t worry, it only applies to Bleeths in leopard print bathing suits and tools in rayon pants.

This whole scene reeks of wannabe gangsta throwing Eurotrash flush. Lets move on.

The Limeys

Julie may not be impressed by Crazy Eyes Arthur’s matching lime green shorts + headband.

But Generic Dave is.

Neither, however, have read the third line of Arthur’s stomach poetry, found below the proverbial “equator.” It reads: “Parted We Pube.”

Willie and Karen Defy Physics at the Office Party

A six pack of Snausages
to the first poster who can explain to me, using the Hugh Everett Many World Theory of physics, exactly how this image is transpiring according to the known laws of thermodynamics.

A twelve pack of Snausages to anyone who can get Karen’s shy bestie, Mandy, to try tequila for the first time, and then let me fondle her coaster with a feather duster while she’s distracted when the DJ plays “I Gotta Feeling” for the eighteenth time.

Kettlehead is Not Impressed by the HCwDB of the Week

HCwDB’s 2009 non-legend The Kettlehead, whose singular eyebrow and propensity to wear strange headgear to impress the ladies, and occasional ability to go The Full Khan, is still out there.

Still arching his singular douchebrow.

Okay, I’m not even 100% convinced this is Kettlehead. But singular arch eyebrow and zebra-striped flattop for the collective mock.

And is that Mister Liptatt’s Hall of Hott winning Holly? I don’t think so, but I’ll need to stare lustily for an hour in an awkward and potentially pathological way anyway.

Speaking of Kettlehead eyebrow, an eagle-eyed reader noted that, amidst the chaos in the tragic Norway bombing over the weekend, at least one douchebag made sure to call his bros to let them know he was okay.

As Primo Levi once wrote, “Even in tragedy, we can find douchebags to mock.”

HCwDB of the Week: The Broctopus and Party Girl Melinda

Last week saw us traverse the superdoucheroic pathways from Superpud to Spider Tool. We had Loafheads and Gorgeous Nicole costing DJ Suckacrack a shot at the Weekly due to Duckface Violation #45.

We had a debates about Hall of Hott Inductees as well as Tattoo Autobaggery.

But for classic ab-douchery in a bar with bemused hot chickery, nothing came close to the Broctopus and Melinda. And then the Broctopus put on Nerd Glasses and it got even more stupid.

For stupid hair, stupid face and all around Constitution violating pukebaggery in presence of slutty bar hott, while Kevin just wants to order a Corona Light, the Broctopus and Melinda are our winners (losers).

Chalk up their lameness for the next Monthly.

And your humble narrator for a second bowl of Frosted Flakes and Kenya AA Keurig-style. Because that’s how I roll.