Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Comment of the Week: Adolf Skroatler Von Baggenstein

From the Old Man Moe thread comes a brief and confused appearance by Adolf Skroatler von Baggenstein:

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Just got back from Costa Rica, tried to find a cure for my A.D.D… good God, look at this chick, she’s fine as… what the hell is that guy doing with a mask on his… See I told you money makes you handsome, that’s why my wife fuuu… What was I doing again???

Hasta,
ASvB
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Friday Thoughts and Links

As greasy refried beanbags soft serve the hotties a dollop of stupid talk, and the hotties giggle, I contemplate the eternal mating dance on this Friday.

So much has changed in the five years of this site. Yet branding and the media marketplace continue to reconfigure the sex drive as profit in the eternal recasting of douche product as sexual enhancement.

And so I poo on a fig leaf. In a metaphorical sense.

But rice wine and assorted snack cakes comfort me with sugary goodness and primal aplomb.

The sun will rise. The sun will set. And Lou Gorman’s ghost will have spectral lunch in the sky.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “He keeps putting his testicles all over me!”

The great Skweezy Jibbs will live 4-EVA, ZON!

A blog named “Two in the Shirt” gives HCwDB some love.

Emma Stone is hot for Christina Hendricks. Boobs.

Reader Eddie sends in this pic of a Tramp Stamp vending machine. You know. For the kids. In Long Island and parts of Jersey.

Dark Socks.

Sportsbag of the Year? Brian Wilson of the Giants makes his case.

The hottest woman in the world is currently Rachel Nichols. In case you were wondering.

Star Wars Alpacas. So cute. And yet so powerful with the ways of the Force.

Old Chicks with Assholes. Yet pretty damn hilarious in a just wrong sorta way.

This week in Aussiebaggery: Party at Kyle’s House. Oz hasn’t seen a plague this bad since Bart brought over the frogs.

Speaking of Australian douchebags, enjoy the great Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry in Rupert Murdoch: It’s a Wonderful Life

And then there’s legendary crooner Tom Jones. Where orange and douchey is so orange and douchey, even our Rockstar Leniency Rule struggles to make an exception.

And from 70s Tom Jones, we move to something that goes well with beer, wine and other assorted beverages of choice:

Coquettish Pear.

It squishes like firm melons on a tilt-o-whirl.

Enjoy. It is Friday. And Adonai commands rest.

Kelly is Surrounded by ‘Baglings

Pudwack’s Anonymous just called. They’re holding the 10am slot.

Kelly has the glorious smile of eighteen year old youthful Freshman dorm room innocence. It smells like scented candles and Ikea furniture. Endless potential and boobies you will never, ever see. Yet years after you’re married, you’d sell your children on the North African white slave market just for a chance to paddle her anklet bracelets with a licorice stick and cry in a hamper.

Friday Haiku

Flip-top beer goggles,
Come from behind victory.
His prize? Red groin rash.

Spot celebrity
Pillsbury Doughboy Junior
And Gene Simmons’ girl

– Vin Douchal

Charlie Sheen looks on
at these ghastly lumps of dough
they are NOT “winning”.

-Medusa Oblongata

Fliptop sunglasses
can’t prevent retinal burn
from whale’s bleached asshole.

– Mandouchian Candidate

Bleeth makes beeping sound
Backs into four-eyed zebra
Pit odor erupts.

– Claude Douchenbagger

He’s soft in the gut
She’s clearly soft in the head
A match made in Queens

– Mr. Scrotato Head

Moob Shirts

Still out there.

Still greasy and disturbing.

Reader Mail: Wedding Douchery

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Greetings from Calgary, Canada!

— Roy
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This is deeply disturbing, and an excellent catch of yet another signifier of the impending global scrotocalypse, Roy. When even the wedding photos are douchetastic, be careful to double check with your food taster. For the creme brulee tastes like ass.

Prickles The Clown Says “I have no Personality, I’m super boring and I work in accounting! That’s Why I Wear My Hair Like This.”

Suzie just giggles politely and orders another Mai Tai.

Smug Night

Smugness, in and of itself, is not necessarily a douchetribute.

It’s annoying to be sure. But it’s not inherently ‘bag.

Stupid tatt sleeves and Hitler chin fung? That there be douche.

Kelly is stoic and icy, and her lack of sexy aura costs her. But boobie beboobie, and that’s how life goes.

Old Man Moe

Old Man Moe could just be an aging sessions rocker. However, Perfect Suckle Chomp Salina stepped from the pages of a hormonal teenager’s most fervered fantasies, and while I should be celebrating the inspirations of her potential persperations, I find my poetic linguistic coitus interruptus.

For the question tasks me: Ski Mask Dude. What’s up?

About to rob the place?

Or just facially cold?

Ask DB1: Is Jessica Dating A Douche? (Answer: Yes)

Jessica writes in with a lol question about her new boyfriend (pictured here):

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Hey!

the picture I am submitting is one we took last week, i decided to play along with the gangster-ness lol….THANK YOU! =)
— jessica
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Confucius Say: Those who date those that drive Audi in “Prestigious Neighborhood” should not cast first lol-stone.