Thursday, July 21, 2011
The Broctopus Is Still Checking His Abs
Yeah, I know.
You thought by now The Broctopus and Melinda would’ve at least gone out to the parking lot so he could show her the tricked out Ford Fusion he’s leasing and like not with his mom’s Amex Card even though that’s what Melinda heard from her friend Allie.
Nope.
Still checkin’ the abs.
Only this time he’s smart and all, what with the glasses.
While all poor Asian Kevin wants to do is order a Corona Light.
He dresses like he ripped the clothes off an L.A. piss bum on East 3rd Street.
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She’s dressed like $750 for a nut at a Cesaer’s Palace bar
These two fucking deserve eachother. Ten bucks says she’s still pointing at his abs as I type this. Asian Kevin, wait up! How’s B-School going for you at Berkeley? Once you get your MBA you can point at your brain and I will totally swoon. Until then, get me the fuck outta here.
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Or.
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OMG! He’s so hot now because he has like glasses on! That means Broctopus is good looking AND smart! I just wet myself.
Yeah, what’s with Asian Kevin? Is he rockin’ the untucked shirt look?
Someone should call security as they are blocking the bar with their dog and pony show.
I didn’t think this guy could look like more of a pud than he did in the last pic. But the glasses did it.
and no Asian Kevin, the untucked shirt and tie look doesn’t fool the ladies. You don’t have a job that requires a suit and tie. You work at the cell phone kiosk at the mall.
Someone should pass a law allowing 112th trimester abortions, especially if there is incest involved. The only thing that explains this chap is if he has an uncle dad…
Asian Kevin is the part time delivery driver at City Wok, and also sells black market jail broken I phones to all the hustlas. He has a decent weed connection, but hasn’t been laid since he ex’ed a young ladyboy about 2 years ago at the Orleans.
He’s soooooo hot with the glasses. Like if he was a librarian and like totally bookish, plus did you see his abs?!!! I am such a moron that I am totally fooled by this and will allow myself to believe that he has an I.Q. in the triple digits. Because I’m dumb like that.
The Broctopud’s homage to Fearless Fly just ain’t cutting it either.
{(Young Elvis Costello) x (steroids + hydrochlorothiazide)} + tofu diet + $750 = This waste of air.
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Nouveau lite punkers
That Detective Colombo sure can pull some…bar hookers.
Nothing says class like “fucck me” boots or “pre-stressed” jeans that cost $175. What a couple of maroons!
I’m guess that laces in shoes mystify this dickhead. Oh wait, what am I saying?
“If I run my finger up and down his abs I can make the gerbil chase it, he he!”
“Is there a sign that says dead gerbil storage on his abs? Well is there? That’s right there is. You know why? Because storin’ dead gerbils is his business.”
“I think I can see the tail on that one. OMG it moved. AND it’s going back and forth! Ewwwwwww, gross!”
Paging Mr. White, paging Mr. White
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His Cartesian coordinate system seems to indicate that he is a loser in at least three dimensions. That fuccen Morgan Freeman and that goddamn “science” show (Through the Wormhole) of his has me spending time trying to figure out multi-dimensional quantum mechanics now because of all these string theorists and quantum loop theory. The shit is very interesting but I don’t believe the half of it. I’m serious when I say I made need some math help later.
And any sophistication that came with wearing a sports coat has now been obliterated by the tsunami of scrote depicted in this terrible display. I do not understand what exactly he is going for here. When his overly priced club he attends asked to “dress to impress,’ he must have interpreted it as “dress to make people think you are actually a homeless Wall street trader who had to sell the rest of his suit for crack.”
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Asian Kevin looks like his pink shirt can double as a hermetically sealed containment dome in case there is an outbreak of Asian flu.
Corona beers are unpasteurized, yo. beware, Kevin. beware.
when Broctopus and Melinda went out to the parking lot, Broctopus suddenly remembered that he took public transit to the airport.
Asian Kevin for HOH.
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There, I said it.
@Hermit, I fucking second that. Asian Kevin has shown that the untucked shirt means he doesn’t give a shit about “rules and “regulations”.” Yeah, that’s right grammar police, I just put quotes inside of other quotes. What are you gonna do about it? Arrest me? Do it. Lock me up with untucked shirt Kevdog. If tucking in your shirt and using proper punctuation is right then I don’t wanna be wrong, I mean I don’t wanna be right. I mean, I’m not really sure what’s going on anymore. Broctopus has glasses and abs! Woooooooooo!
@doc bunsen
If you take a three-dimensional cross-section of the four-space of douche he occupies, you get a three-dimensional sphere of suck.
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One fun fact: When Melinda drags her finger down his abs, the notes produces are from the opening of Bach’s Cello Suite in D. Except his bottom rib plays F natural instead of F#. Because he’s an asshole.
Nothing says you’re in a great club/bar like being able to take a picture from 30 feet away and not seeing anyone other than a stray Asian in the background. Some call it exclusive, I call it pathetic. Cunts.
Ah, the obvious humorous opportunities presented by this photo obliterate the very serious, nay, crucial, underpinnings of this photo. You see, despite looking like a complete and utter low-end whore Melinda is actually a highly-esteemed dermatologist who specializes in detecting virulent and often-fatal melanomas. What she is doing is pointing out a certain-to-be-fatal case of skin cancer on the Broctopus’s abdominal region. While they are enjoying bottle service and laughs, Broc’s days are winding down, as his entire abdominal cavity showed up as being completely black on his XRays, PET scans, MRIs and Ultrasounds. In lieu of flowers a donations can be made to the Douchebag’s Memorial Fund, PO Box 6969, Las Vegas, NV 89169.
The answer to the question, ” Oh shit! Our iconic guitar player left the band ! Who do we get to replace him?” is Steve Morse
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That is my favorite fucking song on Machine Head–thanks Vin!!!!
Yes, I said Steve Morse
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Yet another prime example of why “douche bags” sNaP pIcS with “hot chicks.” …Any barbarian willing to mutilate her breasts (the very essence of her femininity,) only to pump them up with fatal slime-poison, and harness them in a faux, snow leopard MiNi, should in all honesty be paired with none other than an equally stupified Ben-Matlock-on-Steroids. Duh. The cRuShEd VeLvEt hooker boots go so well with this dEsTrOyEd jeans. Comin’ atcha live from 2003… Big belts ‘n all.
Where to women like this go? I mean – I walk down the street, and I see thousands of people milling around and one would think that I’d see older versions of these bleeths you know – doing basic nonsense like buying TP for their bunghole at the local food emporium, but, no – nowhere to be seen. It’s weird. I wonder if they get their inflate-o-boobs in their 20s, then realise it’s bullshit, have them removed, then marry the manager of Radio Shack and pump out babies in the burbs. I dunno. I wonder.
You know, this guy is (ugh, bite the bullet) a decent looking guy. If he dressed like George Clooney in Ocean’s 11, and got his hair to lay down, he could probably pull some high quality tail. Until he opened his mouth, of course.
he stole those glasses off Morty down at the cleaners…cuz yaknow, ol’ Mort uses occaisional 2 & 3 syllable and shit