Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Worst Stepfather Ever
Candi’s son, little Billy, is home alone right now, trying to fall asleep, and talking to his Snoopy nightlight like it’s his real father who will some day come and rescue him.
Too depressing for a Tuesday?
I blame the Malomars.
Candi, I have looked into his eyes and see that there is a heavy tarp, some lye, a shovel, seven dildos and a secluded wetlands area in your near future.
That there is ten pounds of shit stuffed in a five pound flour bag.
Candi’s a cocktail waitress at the Boom Boom Room. Sometimes she takes a customer home for some extra money.
Little Billy weeps for the childhood he will never have.
They both bought their expressions at “Crazy Eyes ‘R Us”
Zsa Zsa GaWhore
Mary Tyler Whore
Ursula Undress
Ellen Burstyndress
Jane Fondle
Julie Hairless
Katie Kuntlicker and Jerry Jizzwand – a modern couple!
Lee Rimdick
Mommy,
Our neighbor, Mr. McFeeley keeps knocking on the door and asking me to let him in. What should I do? I was busy snooping around and found some of that white “nose candy” in your dresser so I thought I would try some. YUCK! It doesn’t taste anything like candy! It’s bitter! Then I found the gun you keep so my daddy “doesn’t bother us again”. Why do you keep it loaded Mommy? I saw a commercial saying not to keep a gun loaded in the house because kids might find it. I think I’ll play cops and robbers with Mr. McFeeley. He keeps waving his hands really fast and telling me to put it down. This part is kind of squishy so I’ll make sure I don’t touch…
Lisa Fartman
Neep!
Do you think it’s alright
to leave the boy with Uncle Ernie
Do you think its alright
He’s had a few too many tonight
Do you think it’s alright, yes I think it’s alright
Anal Margaret
True story. I pulled the thing he’s wearing on his head out of my kids’ shower drain last week after the water was 6 inches deep.
Wow, that John Ritter (d) can still pull some tail.
Elizabeth Faylor
That Dennis Quaid sure made a good Jerry Lee Lewis.
I picture these two doing a whole lot of inserting large objects in places they don’t belong. and filming it. These two may actually be creepier than Poppa Squatter and Tina.
Al least I shave my stupid stache.
She looks a little heavy with Billy’s new sister.
♫ ♫ And she was breeding a dwarf ♫ but she wasn’t done yet ♪
These two look like the couple that propsitioned me for a three way at 7-11. I responded, “That’s cool, but why don’t I just cut out the middlemen and drink a HerpesSlurpee instead?”.
Julie Candrews
.
Jennifer Caniston
.
Christina Baguilera
.
Lucille Ball
Jayne Cansfield
.
Katherine Herpburn
.
Julianne Whoore
.
Jeremy Piven
@ Billy, get a job kid.
When Candi first attempted to breast feed Billy, her cigarette ash fell on the infant causing him to scream pitifully.
.
Billy still carries that physical scar, along with a host of emotional ones.
Scary as heck, but not a douche.
.
Not a hot chick either.
^Pussy
CokedOutChicksWithMethheads should post this.
Billy is a Vegas version of Michelle Bachmann.
.
.
Don’t worry, he’s an independsdent
.
.
Crap
Agnes Whoorehead
.
Elizabeth Cuntgomery
.
Uma Whooreman
.
Jeremy Piven
Goldie Hawny
Knobjobya Kinski
Raqueef Welch
@The Dude 4:10p, so is he Sigfreid or Roy?
.
.
.
Beard
That Danny Bonadouchey can sure pull some tail.
They only I like about this is the nipple. Everything else smells like a prison cot after Gay Porn and Taco night.
Cautionary tale.
.
Hot Chick and Douchebag, 20 years later.
.
Cumulative scorecard: 5 failed marriages, three sessions of cosmetic surgery and liposuction, one restraining order, lots of tatt removal, and three stays in rehab between them.
.
It matters not how you divvy that stuff up.
These two met on the web,and they’re pretending this is a “fun date”.
Hot Nips and Nottadouchebag
They are just a couple of middle aged people taking a break from reality, having a good time out on the town. Jane is at least a 7, a degree of hotness most of us mere mortals would be lucky to bag. Nope. The smiles are sincere. The dress is sexy, and the dude is nottadouchebag.
Malomars make you depressed now?
fuck, man. the world is coming to an end.
but the world had probably already ended for Candi’s son. poor Billy
They should not have missed that AA meeting. Or the 20 before that.
He looks like the kind of guy who comes to the pharmacy counter to see if he can get Rohypnol or NMDA,