Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

HCwDB of the Month Voting Still Open

I’m keepin’ the voting open another day, as this is a tough, epic battle between choadosity and hottboobery, and wanna let all ‘bag hunters have their say.

Get yer vote in if you haven’t already.

Lets figure out which of those schroadal violations deserves advancement in our process of collective mock.

Morning Thoughts and Scratches

I spent last night catching up on my DVRd shows. Season finales of the hilarious Curb and pointless Entourage, and a nice Who to cap it all off.

Then I laid on my rug, scratched my inner crotch area with a wet lufa, and dreamed of Kunis Butter.

Woke up this morning feeling refreshed.

Sat at my computer.

Ate a pop tart.

Glanced at Ivan Brosky and Pecsy McGill broing it up next to All American Mandy. Enough to upchuck a squirrel.

Or squirrel an upchucked woodchuck chuck.

Or something.

Cue Rocky IV references.

I need a coffee.

EDIT: Swapped the pic on account of lack of hot chick status. If I gotta look at bropecs with the first draft of my next book written on them, then at least gimme some bobbs.

The Apple Store Holiday Office Party in Macon, Georgia, Was Crashed by Peter

Peter was invited by the branch manager, Barry, who used to, like, totally do shots with Pete-boy in college.

Estella and Sue left a few moments after this picture was taken.

They’re considering filing a complaint with H.R.

Willie The Kidd Discovers the Rare Amazonian Stipper Pear

Remember kids, only the truest of gangsta outlaws wear silk Armani neck kerchiefs.

Coquettish Tonya the Tiger for the most fantastic holy cleavite witnessed by mortal eyes on the site in months. Her soft pillowy dance glutens of sheenic inspiritation send Keltic dwarves on hallucinatory dream plunders of spider frogs and whey.

And the Pear ain’t no slouchin’ neither.

Tip your cups of Train, fellow hunters. There’s gold in them there hills.

The Porny Smell of Poo, Sweat and Tears

Sometimes the wafting, fetid odor of late summer desert skankton and future avoidance in the form of techno music and alcohol combines to singe the inner framework of the nostril like so much putty on a garden hose.

The lone dwarf dances by the red curtain.

And the dream logic reveals the truth.

Don’t Trust Assclowns in Stupidhats

Rosalinda and Manny both had a vision. They both love the Jesus.

Ask DB1: Matt Stafford Reconsidered

In honor of the start of football, Nick writes in with a question about The Staffordbag:

—-
My roommate considers you an asshole for calling Matt Stafford a stage-2 bag. He claims that Matt Stafford is not a douche even though he wears classic signifiers such as the plaid shorts and tilted hat. Please correct him. I demand a quorum in order to solidify Stafford’s place in the hall of baggery.
——-

There is no Sports Leniency for douchebaggery. None.

Staffordbag would earn a stage-2 fratbag for this pic alone.

No pass, no matter how well he does this season.

Douche.

Point Dexter Voted in the HCwDB of the Month

Even the Holy Perky Bobbs of the Comanche Hottdians can’t distract Point Dexter from his due rounds of asswankery.

That, and voting in the HCwDB of the Month.

Have you voted yet?

Low slung bullet belt for the societal punchface.

HCwDB of the Month

Today’s a big day. Four unique slices of mold choad. Four intriguing battles for hottie/douchey supremacy. But I need your help. Which of the following four couplings of intestinal disorder is most deserving of competing at the 2011 Douchie Awards for HCwDB of the Year in December?

Here’s your finalists:

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: Joey Lumpcrustowitz and Kate

Bringing two quality pics of Vegasian poolbaggery to the game, including Joey Lumpcrustowitz Gives You the Finger, here there be odiousness.

From tattoo Jesus Bling to spikey hair in the pool.

From hottie suckle thigh to spanky poochle slap.

Here there be Vegas asswippery.

And here there be waitress who aspires to model.

Together, boobies and stupid tatts.

Like the early alchemy that formed the Reece’s Peanut Butter Cup. Or the great Bob Ueker moderating Tastes Great / Less Filling debates of the mid 1980s.

A strong, strong, first entry.

But if you think this pairing is toxic, there’s three more to go.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: Wankus McHannibul and Pearielle

Party boi festercrud here once starred in an Australian Biker Film.

No, not “Mad Max.”

It was a lesser known straight-to-video release called “Sucky Bald Douchebag On a Bike.”

Worth Netflixing, though.

It had a fine early performance from Thandie Newton in it as the hot chick.

Yup.

No idea what I’mma saying anymore.

But leather tie, even if this is Paid-to-Douche professional entertainment, is still ubermockworthy.

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: The Chernobros and Cathy

This nuclear meltdown of douche sandwich is the rare “bros” pic in the Monthly.

But do not let the fact we have two ‘bags instead of one split or otherwise distract your vote.

Look at that chin fung. Come on now, people. That’s the sucky suck.

For together, like the Wonder Twins, the Chernobros alter the DNA of all those in the fallout radius and form a collective poo turd.

Cathy is sweet, cute, giggly, and viably holding up the hott side of the equation, even if lacking in Pear thickage.

Together, can this trivection oven hold up in the Monthly?

One more to go:

HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: Sir Ivan, Ashley and Ananda

Olbaggery representin’.

Ashley and Ananda are gazelle paid to pose gnaw legs of poochy slap.

Sir Ivan has a homepage that looks like this.

Can a paid-to-buffoon Oldbag make it to the Yearly?

It’s tough competition.

As the DB1 enjoys a tasty bowl of Frosted Flakes and reclines on a stained and saggy sofa while contemplating the bleak crises of postmodern corporeal denature, it’s your turn.

Which of these four pics deserves entrance into the Yearly?

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

Stoned Homies in Vegas Study For the Midterms

“Carpe Diem,” boys. Carpe Diem.

Seize the per diem.

“Let me hit you with some knowledge” for the societal loss.

And to honor the 10 Year anniversary of 9/11 in the only way HCwDB can, have some Peach Fuzz Art Pear. Because the freedom to look at Pear on the internet is not to be taken lightly.