Thursday, October 27, 2011

    Is this John Largeman Douching it up??

    Could it be true??

    Could HCwDB folk hero John Largeman have gone to the douche side to snag a Tiny Dancer Hott?

    Or is this an impostor, hoping to besmirch Mr. Largeman’s good name?

    Wily Mo Panama lurks disapprovingly.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, October 27, 2011

    D.J. Dudjbagos May Or May Not Be in This Picture

    But Boobsy McBoobser most certainly is.

    Boobs.

    I prod them stoically, and with a small rind of lime.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, October 26, 2011

    Chest-Pec Wingtatts: The New Black

    Coming in 2013: Chest-Pec Wingtatt Removal Surgery: The New Black.

    Asian Melons, however, will always be in season.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, October 26, 2011

    Ask DB1: The Wrestler Exemption


    —–
    DB1,

    Does the WWE exemption continue after a wrestler has left the grappling game? If not, Batista couldn’t look more douche-y if he was wearing an Affliction shirt.

    — Mog
    —–

    Here’s the deal with the Wrestler Exemption. It only applies to those performative theatrical wrestlers who douche it up in service of narrative, storyline, or other form of theater.

    This is not to excuse the damage they do to their bodies via steroids and such, only to say that we can no more mock the WWE performer for being a douche than we could mock the actor playing Javert in the touring production of Les Miserables.

    However, MMA fighters are not performing in any narrative function, and so their doucheyness is fair game. Boxers, same thing.

    So let it be written, so let it be done.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, October 26, 2011

    Long Duck Dong: The Remake

    I just don’t know how I feel about Hollywood remaking all these classic scenes.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, October 26, 2011

    Retro New Wave Wannabe Asswipes

    Still out there.

    Still pretending it’s 1982.

    Still scoring barely legal Confused Purity Laura.

    Still hoping to someday play keyboard with one finger.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, October 25, 2011

    “Taint that a Douchebag”

    Well there’s a douchebag, in a bathroom
    Listenin’ to a hip-hop station,
    He’s got a greasy hair, greasy smile
    He says, “Lord my crabs itch, from masturbation”…

    ‘Cause they told me, when I was younger
    Said, “Boy you’re gonna be a D.J.”
    But just like everything else, those old crazy dreams
    dropped like my pants…

    Oh, but taint that a douchebag, for you and me
    Taint that a douchebag, somethin’ to see baby
    Taint that a douchebag, home of the free, yeah
    Little pink thong butts for you and me
    Oh built baby for you and me

    And there’s a hot chick, with bad judgment,
    What do she know know know,
    She hates her daddy, and her mommy,
    Goes to work in some night club,
    And vacation down at the Gulf of Mexico… ooo yeah

    And there’s dumb tatts, and there’s hat tilt
    But they ain’t no big deal
    ‘Cause the simple douche, baby, can’t pay the thrills
    The bills, the pills that cure chylamidia…

    Oh, but taint that a douchebag, for you and me
    Taint that a douchebag, somethin’ to see baby
    Taint that a douchebag, home of the pee, yeah
    Little pink thongbutts for you and me, ooo
    Ooo yeah

    Taint that a douchebag, for you and me
    Taint that a douchebag,hey with somethin’ to see baby
    Taint that a douchebag, oh, the home of the free, ooo yeah yeah yeah
    Little pink thong butts made for you and me
    Ooo yeah, ooo yeah!….

    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, October 25, 2011

    Spiderpud: Turn off the Crotch

    Man, these Broadway musicals are just getting weirder and weirder.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, October 25, 2011

    Ask DB1: “Ironic” Tees

    ———–

    Hey Boss,

    Do you think the whole “ironic” T-shirt thing is douche?

    I mean like 25 year olds wearing Led Zepplin or Ramones shirts or these same a-holes wearing Reeses peanut butter Cup shirts or Luck Charms shirts.

    Now I realize that some of them may actually like these bands or foods but I can’t help but laugh my ass off when one of these gherkin yodelers can’t name one song from the band or tell you that their mommy wouldn’t let them eat sweets when they were young. Should we include this in douche behavior?

    Best,
    – Doc Bunsen

    ——-

    Irony, in and of itself, is not douchey, or else Letterman would be called ‘bag.

    However, herpsterism is.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, October 25, 2011

    One Word Tuesday

    Onychomycosis.

    # posted by douchebag1
Older Posts