Friday Thoughts and Links
Party tools on Black Friday make my uvula itch.
Last night I saw a line around the block outside of a Best Buy waiting to get in at midnight. If ever there was evidence of our misplaced social priorities, fetishization consumption rituals are it.
What a disgrace “Black Friday” is. The complete breakdown in meaning in which we become imprinted to seek shiny happy baubles of future-dom as the means by denying the larger truths of mortality, friendship, love, communication and intimacy.
No, Call of Duty 3, on sale for the next 24 hours, won’t solve the gnawing crises underneath the conscious mind, your deluded fools outside Best Buy, worshiping at the feet of the Glitter God of Mass Market Ritual. You can try to entertain yourself out of extended reflection, but it won’t work.
Consume, they tell us. Obey, and happiness awaits.
But boobies lead to truth. As do those out there resisting the bullshit right now and calling for an adjustment in national priorities, and getting mocked on the teevee “news” for it. So both give me hope.
Here’s your abbreviated Thanksgiving links:
Hot chicks love animals and guys who love animals, like guys who attend vet tech schools.
(Resource Link)
Your HCwDB Book Pick of the Week: “Historically, the most terrible things – war, genocide, and slavery – have resulted not from disobedience, but from obedience.”
From Zinn, we go to The Worst Image in the History of Images.
Here’s another reason why most hot chicks should not attempt comedy.
Referencing classic ’80’s Fishbone and insulting Michelle Bachman to her face without her knowing? Jimmy Fallon is my new hero. Dammit, I should’ve taken that offer to go on his show two years ago.
Speaking of jerky politicians, Senator Sam Brownback proves his douchedom, complains about a student saying mean things about him on Twitter.
Looking for new forms of eroticism? Try the Comma Sutra.
In Florida, a Transgendered woman posed as a doctor and injected cement into a woman’s butt. Be glad you don’t live there.
In 1969, a pre-Muppets Jim Henson wrote, starred in, and directed, a nine minute experimental short film that was nominated for the Academy Award. You know you want to watch it. For it is genius.
In honor of Mr. Henson, have some:
May you fraggle its rocks.
I don’t gib a puck about number fibe. I’d like to get into the dancing Philipina’s personal espace and peel the music of her tight spinktor.
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Cement and Tire Ready in the butt is a beautiful thing.
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I am going to be so stoned the night we get into see The Muppet shit. We used to bong when Kermit was on and do shots when we saw the old dudes in the balcony. Good times.
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Fozzies
Cave Pear is lovely this time of year.
Vixen.
The worst GSR in the history of GSR’s.
Thanks for that visual. Now I have to pick all the carrots out of the Turkey Stew my wife made with the leftovers.
Mmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!! Cave Pear.
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Neanderthals
Pretty sure that guy on the left is my copier repair person.
carrot top is the definition of clown
I’d like to Clan her Cave Pear.
You know those subjects in school they say are really important? Kid on the left double-majored in them at Berkeley.
Asians just don’t belong…
Cave Pear is delicious! Also, bloodnut+GSR=inexcusable crime against humanity. And personally, I don’t know about the Philipina accent. It’s not my cup of tea. She’s alright though, so a gag-ball is all it’d take… Just sayin’. Enjoy your weekend fellow ‘Bagsters. Rain all week has put a bit of a dampener on things here in Sydders, Oz, but worry not, Summer’s-a-comin’.
A few actual news reports:
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In what seems to be a burgeoning Black Friday tradition, reports of violence erupted throughout the country.
Authorities in Los Angeles say that 20 people suffered minor injuries at a local Walmart when a woman used pepper spray on them to get to the front of the line when the store opened Thursday evening.
Police in Fayetteville, N.C. are hunting for two suspects after gunfire went off early Friday in the Cross Creek Mall.
At a Walmart in upstate New York, a man was arrested after two women were injured in a fight that broke out.
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The fact that people will sleep all night on a hard concrete sidewalk, enter a store at 4:00 am and proceed to spray other “shoppers” with pepper spray to save fifteen bucks on an xBox proves that this country is absolutely screwed.
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On a lighter note, that Michelle Bachman thing was hilarious, but not as funny as the 70,000 fans who booed Michelle Obama at the NASCAR race in Florida.
Dude took it well though.
Comedy is tough. And according to some I still haven’t mastered it. I watched some of her other vids, the one where she goes all British because people were complaining about her accent is pretty cute. Mad props to The Roots on Fallon for keepsin’ it real. It sucks they had to apologize. They probably should have just said “No offense” afterwards. It’s what I always do after layin’ down some truth bombs. Seems to work. You guys still like me right?
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*crickets*
Speaking of right priorities, got any new reality shows coming out Deebsy 1? Hey, I’ve got boobies, ipso facto, truth leaders in a bra. No offense.
I’m fairly certain that you don’t fit the hot chick category as well
Oh creature, you little devil. I’m fairly certain your liver will be asking for a divorce soon. It’s been nice getting to know you.
Jimmy Fallon can, and should, go fuck himself. And if he already has, he should do it again.
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What kind of balls does it take to appear as a cagey, smart alecky man of the people by backhanding Bachmann like that, while accepting thunderous mountains of Capital One endorsement cash with the other? This downgrades Fallon from stammering buffoon to guileless hack. He also pissed all over the welcome mat he laid out to the Right: I hope he enjoyed his time with Congresswoman CrazyPants because no other Republican candidate could possibly be stupid enough to walk into that punch again.
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At least his antics outraged Glenn Beck. But I’m pretty sure not enough raisins in a scone would outrage Glenn Beck.
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Of course, it hurt me more, personally, that Fallon’s NBC co-whore, Alec Baldwin, chose to openly sodomize his liberal street cred by suckling Big Devil Bank Money from that same rancid, engorged Beast-Teat that avalanches down from the peak of Fuck You Working Man Mountain. Because Alec Baldwin is talented and hilarious. And is old enough to know better. At least now we don’t have to pay attention to his annual threats of quitting show business to go into politics. That DevilBank money torched his liberal fan base like a viking funeral pyre.
Also, I nominate the Second Coming of Joey Heatherton here for HOH. She makes me want to put on a Dean Martin LP and fap out a dry martini.
After a minute, I skipped that dancing comedy chick to the last 45 seconds. Nope. No splooge.
Rancid Beast Teat is in the pantheon of awesome band names.
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As is DevilBank.
I reckon these are even worse…
http://www.steroid-cycles.com/carrot-top-steroids.jpg
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_r4TzZPyyD-c/SnMyvqQ47TI/AAAAAAAAAKY/NKuZpFX3tcc/s400/car27ae.jpg
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4B6BR9aWHAk/SMZPfXq3caI/AAAAAAAAA30/D6I79TqkivI/s400/1219084817975.jpg
my uke band is called SpunkMonkey Manifesto
Buff Carrot Top is reminiscent of when SNL alumnus Joe Piscopo decided he’d hit the weights and slide into oblivion….
“Did someone say Joisey? Who’s from Joisey? I’m from Joisey. You from Joisey?“
Carrot Tops nepos could cut through two panes of glass. I guess if my career at the Laugh Shack doesn’t work out I can always try roids and female impersonating like the Top is doing.
Here’s the photo of the fake tranny “doctor” that was injecting people’s asses with baby oil, cement and fuccen Fix-A-Flat…the “Doctor” appears to have self-medicated as well…
She’s hot.
Carrot Top may have been the post-menopausal egg of Lucille Ball in her death throes while she was raped by a newly buff and shrunken-testicled Joe Piscopo. Anybody have a better explanation.
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Nothing says Christmas presents like a Colt 45’d up crackhead with pepper spay and a pocket of trick money.
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And what Baron said. I hate Jimmy Fallon and CrazyPants and DevilBank, although in the interest of full disclosure I do carry a low balance DevilBank card for internet and shit, Yo.
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If you want to watch some really good 3 down 12 man football this weekend don’t, because Canadain football sucks Rancid Beast Cock.
@ DB1,
Re: Nancy Dreuche 3:14 PM
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Don’t dismiss Nancy’s proposal altogether, Consider this:
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You could produce a reality show called “Tap Out.” It would be set in a room which measures twelve by twenty-four feet, the cameras rolling twenty-four seven. In the center of the room would be a large illuminated button with the words ”Tap Out” emblazoned upon it.
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The gamed would be played by two contestants, whichever of the two can stay in the room longest without punching the “Tap Out” button would win a huge, monetary prize according to the dictates of MTV’s budget, say…… five hundred bucks. The hook would be that every twelve hours the walls of the room would close in by one foot, in an ever-decreasing manner.
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Nancy would be placed on one side, she would naturally engage in non-stop, inane chatter every waking moment, while on the other side of the room, Reverend Chad would attempt to numb his mind with top-shelf weed, Molson Canadian® and pharmaceuticals. The potential for sexual tension and dramatic conflict is endless.
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If The Rev could last more than two hours, you might just have yourself a hit.
BTW, a copy of this has been sent to my left-handed, Jew attorney in the event a similar show is aired without my compensation
@Hermit 5:41 Don’t be a Tool, that couldn’t happen at MTV.
^I feel Hermit’s vibe for this show however it is based on a shaky foundation. That being that he assumes Nancy could fit into a 12 x 24 room. Also, she may Tap herself out at the mere sight of my penis or if she remains consious the lack of oxygen would lead her to into tachycardia while she tried to fellate my member. And she would.
^ Bwaaaaaaahaaaaaaahaaaaaaa Lolicopgerzomfg¡¡¡¡¡!!!!!!!££￦￦©©!
“Hot” in top photo looks great… until you get to the pink Granny stretch pants. Photographic proof that hanging around Douchbags rots the brain slowly in stages, starting with one’s fashion sense.
@Rev and Hermit, please. You know I would psychologically break the Rev within the first 20 minutes. His drug and alcohol addled mind has already been weakened and it would be easy peasy Japenesy to break. Afterwards he would then offer to make me a sandwich and we would swap some recipes. I would never even have to touch his Carrot Top sized balls either. Where do I sign up? I need a recipe for potato salad.
Joey Heatheron or Ann-Margaret?
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That’s Joey, Joey, Summer, Ann, Ann:
http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/600/joeyjoeysummerannann.jpg/
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Click to engorge.
^^^ The boobies are gratuitous. I didn’t figure anybody would mind.
Joey Heatherton in TapOut.
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or this
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Cavepear, grunt.
Yeah, Black Friday is a testament to what the majority of the population has become,,,,blindly consuming Rancid Beast Teats.
Devilbank is cool.
@DH, to be fair you should post a side by side of what those two look like now.
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Old lesbians
I’m going to sound like Mama Oblongata here for a moment, but bear with me: Jimmy Fallon, that was totally uncalled for. Your job is a host. Those people are your guests. What does a host do for his guests? He is gracious, polite and unassuming. He treats his guests kindly and makes them comfortable in his home. I find that whole thing to be appalling. I am no Bachmann fan by any stretch. But were it my job to host people with whom I disagree, I would have to put my feelings aside and be polite and gracious. When you invite someone over and they accept, you do so with the intent of spending time in their company, not setting them up to make a mockery of them. Jimmy, you’re a bad little boy and I hope Mama Fallon was most embarrassed and upset at your behavior.
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Sorry, everyone. But I am just sick and tired of everyone’s entitlement to act like an arrogant buffoon simply because they have access to public media. The images on this site are no exception, and this is why we mock. I might also note that in this thread our dear BVG is screaming in to snatch “Most insanely dire imagination” from the near-toothless jaws of Hermit.
Sam Brownback is currently the governor of the same state that gave us Fred Phelps and Scott Roeder.
Not to get all political and shit, but there’s a cable TV “news” network and countless radio talk show hosts who don’t know or follow MO’s ‘rules’.
Holding a comic and a bandleader up to some non-existant standard strikes me as horseshit.
Rev., God bless you for the original SCTV stuff on YouTube. Maybe there is a reason for The Great White North to be on this planet, after all.
@ND, Jesus H. Christ, can you nag.
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I got an idea, why don’t you paste together some pics of talentless shriveled old cunts and post them here?
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Let’s see, who else belongs in that pic? I won’t say ‘it’s on the tip of my toungue’, but the answer just escapes me… Darn it, who am I thinking of???? ND, can you help me??
I think you’re probably hot, Dreuche. And I like you.
So it’s early morning here now and last night I attended a Thanksgiving party. Heaps of Americans present, including my mate who invited me: the tyke attorney. As he said during his brief and impromptu speech that preceded desert, ‘we Americans love our Thanksgiving; and we love success.’ Here-here to that! I also spoke with a few glamourous woman, all of who were “taken”, one personal trainer-type was my ideal female. Beautiful, intelligent, engaging… In the (slightly edited) words of Johnny Drama, “God I love this site!” Also, Medusa Oblongata=total babe!
Kroeger’s Chili – as yet untried.
@DH, I barely know how to post on Facebook, let alone have the wherewithal to do side by sides. That is definitely your area of expertise, and as an esteemed member of this online community we got going on here you should not withold said talent. Now perhaps you and the Rev could team up and do my write up for me. You will be providing the pics, the evolution of Four Prong might be nice and the Rev will do one of his signature rants about how much he hates me. Win-win-win.
You’ll get them next time tall guy.
With all this bickering I feel I’ve missed something.
They suck, and we live in the land of the free. Don’t watch.
That’s why we have porn channels. Healthy alternative programming is the key to victory.
@tall guy, I wish we could all just get along too. But sometimes in order to create excitement and tension a little drama is necessary. Get this, one time I went in this date where the guy purposely did things to annoy me just to get me to get upset. Unbeknownst to him my eight years in customer service has given me an abnormally high tolerance to idiocy. When I didn’t react to most if his ploys like his previous victims had done, he was the one who ended up annoyed. Does any of this matter now? No, but it serves as a lesson. You never know who you’re fucking with initially, so treat everyone with respect until they disrespect you. Then its anything goes. So don’t do any of that game bullshit on your love interests. It will come back and bite you in the ass one day.
I like turtles.
When that transgenderd non-doctor gets out of prison I’m gonna’ have her inject my penis with some expanding foam insulation for that giant, Rev Chad-sized cockk I’ve always dreamed of.
I’m surprised at the surprise expressed by the committed skeptics and all-around misanthropes that populate these comment threads regarding the behavior of Jimmy Fallon, or any talking head turd for that matter. We are a society that values celebrity and being cool above all. Except for William Shatner, nobody really can pull it off, especially the young jerk-offs like Fallon and the other cookie-cutter, smarmy fucc-wits that are on the air.
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Now that that’s off of my chest I’m going to bang a couple out to old-school Joey H pictures and videos. Which brings me to my next point,; If I had YouTube when I was a teenager and had access to hotts on demand, I would have never stopped jerking-off. And by jerking-off, I mean jerking-off.
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Cacophobes
Well, at least the emotionally stunted Fallon apologized, though for some reason, a few Bachmann supporters crying foul have been steadfast in their defense of booing First Lady She-Ra Arms. What is good for the goose and all that, I suppose.
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By the way, DB1, I was pleased to see that online retailers were advertising the life-affirming joy of Black Friday deals all the way up here. I switched to some interesting news clips and learned that as long as you are buying something, rushing stores in a crowd like fashion as to even result in people being trampled and peppered sprayed are, in of themselves, acceptable side effects relative to risks in public safety. Given the interest stories about wanting to buy five, two-dollar waffle irons, it just seemed like just all around good fun with the thrill of the hunt tossed in. Then, I switched to another report to discover that the real risk lay in people on a protest march. I think it’s all in the signs really.
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Not to say it is any better up here. As RevChad noted, our remedial version of gridiron is having its Championship Final with a Cup named after a dandy English Earl whose grandfather discovered a form of tea. Pretty hardcore isn’t it? Then again, he also did give us the Canadian Navy. We had to make use of those dwindling polar bears in some way, you know and make Toronto feel less limp wristed by actually allowing them a military station or two. In celebration, I have decided to create a special nacho dip incorporating the aspects of our lovely exports such as Pamela Anderson, though I don’t think it would be good to add fish and chlamydia.
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As for the gender ambiguous Ginger Martian, I believe his poster should be strewn in the dorm rooms of every yet-matured ‘bro’ who trolls fitness boards and thinks by simply going to the gym to evolve to Cro-Musclebagnon, it will detract from how stupid and garish they look.
Happy Holidays Turtle Boy.
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@Sir David, please post your nacho recipe.
@ DH –
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Yes, the affinity to Ann Margaret also occurred to me, much the same way that Ann Margaret occurs to me any time my penis has any involvement in my life. Ann Margaret is, quite simply, the hottest hott that has ever walked the earth. Kids today and your Julianne Houghs and your Mila Kunii. You know nothing. NOTHING, I SAY!
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In this particular case, however, while the young hott in question does indeed seem to have Ms. Margaret’s come hither stare down to a science, the environment she’s in and the company she has chosen to keep has diluted her sucklability with far too much PTP overpriced vodka spokesskank to possibly be compared to the flawless Ann Margaret. Hence, Joey Heatherton.
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It was not meant so much as a direct analogy as a setup for my Dean Martin joke. In either case, I appreciate the hott in question for transporting me back to a grander time of GoldDiggery goodness.
It’s all good, Baron. Likewise, I used the opportunity to educate the younguns as to the charms of A-M, and to post a pic of some pre-silicon-era hooters.
I don’t care who you are, that’s some nice looking broads there.
@ DH 8:26–Ugh, true. Too damn many. i can barely watch anymore. Host after host invites people on their show and then screams at them, browbeats them and humiliates them *COUGH HACK COUGH Nancy Grace AGH HAAAACK HACK James Carville COUGH HACK* and sends them slinking away. Why not just bring out a bunch of homeless guys and them club them over the head with a 2×4? I bet it would get better ratings. Alas, alack, even our supposed ‘respectable’ news members can’t act right, so it’s a stretch to expect that from a comedy show. HOWEVER, Jimmy is a good Irish boy. I have an Irish mama myself, we were O’Blongatas until Ellis Island. Anyway, if there is one thing a good Irish mama won’t stand, it’s being rude to company. I will bet you any money that Fallon’s apology wasn’t about sponsors, it was about his mother screaming at him on the phone.
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That being said, what passes for entertainment has become the equivalent of a four-year-old having a tantrum. I just got back from seeing The Muppets, and throughout, there is an underlying message about what utter rude, nasty shit our entertainment has become. I have to agree with my 40-year old fabric friends. Not that I don’t love violent, dopey crap as much as the next guy, but there is little in the way of alternative besides Christian Zombie Psycho shit and stuff for toddlers. Bevis and Butthead is what it is and I love it. But when Newscasters act the same way, it makes me ill. Ugh. Maybe I’m too old. Maybe I’m too cynical. Maybe we need more tits on network television and that would make us all feel better.
*Beavis. Oh, hell. I’m getting so curmudgeonly, I can’t even see what I’m typing.
@DH and Baron, I’m sad to report that Ann Margret was probably a bleeth. First off she loved Vegas and a peanut butter and banana sandwich loving douchebag who went by the name of Elvis. Second off, I think my first off is evidence enough to declare bleethery.
You have to judge her in the context of her own time.
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Whatever she may or may not have done with him, he is The King. And that was Rat Pack Vegas, not D-Bag Vegas.
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I don’t get any thrills from disagreeing with you, ND. I just don’t see any altenatives.
@DH, agree to disagree then. Frank Sinatra was one if the biggest douchebags out there. RatPack Vegas was Douchebag Vegas back then too. Douchebags have been around since prehistoric times. Look at T-Rex with this shriveled up roid arms stomping around like he owned the place, calling Brontasaurus a leaf eating fag. I suppose you’re going to tell me that never happened as well.
@MO, I thought you might have mentioned at least one of the many hatter ‘bags from Fox News.
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@ND, what did I deny happened? I said to judge her in the context of her time. We disagree on the cool factor of the Rat Pack. A discussion to which I will not be a party.
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Uninformed revisionist history is not for me, thank you.
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Sorry to carry on like this DB1. But The Chairman Of The Board a ‘Bag? Blasphemy!
@ Doucheble Helix–I can’t be arsed to watch it, therefore, I have no frame of reference.
@MO – I don’t watch wrestling anymore, either, but I know the plot line. I read the Huffington Post summaries to keep up with Fox’s autracities.
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@ND – It’s possible you’re a troll when I think back on the some of the ignorant shit you post. Just on this thread alone, you’ve ragged on Old School Vegas, Elvis, Frank, The Rat Pack, and A-M.
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What are you, fucking stupid? No more Mr. Nice Guy just becuase you have a female name. In fact, to the best of my ability I will not respond to your posts at all, being as you are a wh— troll.
Why will no one partake of mule meat? It makes no sense.
Darksock,
Why do you want to open up a controversial issue like that in this forum?
This is neither the time or place.
Dude, let it go.
^damned porch-beefer…
I like mule meat.
Nancy, I never figured you for a mule-eater.
I’m very disappointed.
I said I liked it Hermit. I never said I ate it. Oh wait I did in my next post. I’ll stop eating mule when you stop shot gunning Nyquil.
Cave Pear makes me want to be the world’s first Sigmoid Spelunker.
ND, my wang is oddly like mule meat…I would gladly club you around the face & neck with it, but, mind you no penetration, as I do have minimal standards
(cue flaming eyeballs)
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WHAT FOUL HARPY DARES TO PROFANE THE MEMORY OF THE KING AND THE CHAIRMAN?????!!!! RUE THIS DAY, HARRIDAN, FOR IT IS THIS DAY I VOW TO EAT CHEX MIX FROM THE BLEACHED CAP OF YOUR SKULL WHILE I REST MY FEET UPON ON OTTOMAN OF YOUR ENTRAILS AS I ENJOY A MATT HELM RETROSPECTIVE ON BLU-RAY!!!!
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(AND YES, I KNOW THAT NEITHER SINATRA NOR ELVIS WERE IN ‘THE SILENCERS’ BUT WHEN YOU INSULT ONE VEGAS ICON, YOU INSULT THEM ALL!!! SO THERE!!!)
Mule meat is big in Italy. Mr. B. can attest that it’s quite good. I’ve not partaken of it myself, but I’ll take his word for it. Horse meat is also huge over there, and I had the (dis)pleasure of being taken to a restaurant whose tagline is “Specializing In Equine”. Five courses of meat, all of it fucking horse. I will never forget the forced grimace-smile straining the tendons of my neck as a huge, salty steak was slapped onto my plate and the guy next to me gives me a nudge and says, “A horse wit-a no name, ah?” Sweet baby jeebus, it was horrifying. I have to admit, the horse burger is exquisite. The rest of it, if I never eat it again, I’ll be relieved. However, all Mr. B. talks about is how next time we go back, we’ll try the mule. Oh, Francis, I’m so sorry.