Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Silk Yankee Caps Are Not A Sign of Class

Perhaps we’ve become desensitized to just how odious D.J. iPod culture has ravaged our civilization like rampaging crypto-gay gladiator movies released on 11/11/11.

D.J. Assmunch wastes his salad years chasing ephemera under the rubric of accomplishment. Loud lights and noises as a substitute for thought.

Amanda pumps up and tones out, but rock solid abs eventually fade. What’s left?

Time, like the honey badger, don’t give a shit.

I’mma get a coffee.

Band Promoter Douchebag Petey Is Not Really With The Band

Unfortunately for Barely Legal Bonnie, that epiphany will come tomorrow morning, when Petey’s necklace turns back into a cow’s ear.

Yikes. Count up DBP’s adouchrements and give credit for sheer variety of choadosity. Like the double ring on the third and fourth fingers. A massive real world ‘bag tag here.

And for the ladies to note, let Barely Legal Bonnie prove that size of mamm has no bearing on hottness of suckle thigh. She is KFC leg chomp butter biscuit gnaw.

Esoteric Wednesday

Douchepug.

Reader Mail: Mike and Mandy From High School

Reader Jeff writes in with a hypothetical update on everyone’s high school power couple gone tragically wrong:

—–
In case you were wondering what happened to Mike and Mandy from High School…

They are very happy, and running a karaoke business in Lawrence, KS.
——-

Even homicidal maniacs gotta eat.

Marty Trainwreck

When the chin pubes match the douche beads, it’s time for Veruca to call herself a cab.

Jose Canseco Worships the Buddhas

Legendary steroidal basebag, the odious Cancesobag, is all spiritual n’ stuff. He wanted you to know that.

Speaking of inflated stats, those boobs are also apparently playing in the steroid era.

Tony Zebra Lives in Long Island and is Orange

Where chestshave and orangeness still impress the Persian Giggle Kellys of the world.

But the ecotone grows more fragile, Tony Z. And by ecotone, I mean the hidden poisons at work in bottles of Z-Tan.

One Word Tuesday

Autobahn.

Somewhere at a Midwestern State School, Kappa Zeta Tao Is Missing Its Village Idiots

Billy and Willy say “Yo!” to Drunk Kathy in stupid falsetto.

Kathy thanks them for her Appletini and goes back to her Besties in short order.

Fratpud Juan Can’t Believe His Luck

It’s like winning the Tiny Dancer bar lottery for Fratpud Juan, a mere stage-1 pudling who is in way over his head (and 10DHT).

For Tiny Dancer Maria offers the compact curvature of hall of hott teeth melting sucklethigh.

All that is right in a chaotic universe of inchoate chocolate.