Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Troy Jaggofsky Attends a Party

Where Troy Jaggofsky demonstrates true upper eschelon puddliness. By conceptually fish filleting Wendy’s soul with Herpster-Douche hybridity of Mandana + Hipster Hat.

Then again, Wendy probably never should’ve left Hibbing Minnesota, neither. Lets move on.

Dusty Tells the Ancient Sumerian Aliens Where to Land on his Shoulders

Or, as M. Night Shyamalan once called them, “Crap Circles.”

Mindy perfects flexible back arch that inspires men to take yoga classes and pretend they’ve read Deepak Chopra.

HCwDB of the Week: Entrepeneur Doug and Nadijka

This may not seem the obvious choice for HCwDB of the Week.

For while Nadijka brings obvious quality A-List hottmelt to the game, Doug may at first seem an average ‘bag. Not as douchey as, say, Mondrian ‘Bag, Tony the Bartender, or creepy-ass Herpster Melvin.

But take another look. For Doug is not an entrepreneur. He is an “Entrepeneur.” The former starts their own business with venture capital. The latter is a trust fund peen.

Anyone who advertises their crap label on their cap while busting chin fund and yellow wristdanna is mock worthy. And so they earn the Weekly.

And Nadijka. How I would powder puff her power puff girls and Dora her Exploras. Her purity of suckle thigh causes angels to buy real estate in Encino.

I will stalk her awkwardly with only a Frommers Guide and a felt pen. But first I need oatmeal.

A Look Back at 1991: The Grieco Rises

In this clip, twenty years old now and introduced by Burt Reynolds’s hairpiece, the early markings of the modern douche plague can be seen. Growing in the form of the Unholy Grieco Virus.

But seriously, what is up with “Three Men and a Little Lady” getting a nom? Mermaids was robbed.

Comment of the Week: The Reverend Chad Kroeger

Our honorable Reverend, The Reverend Chad Kroeger, reflects on the wasted college years and the power of HCwDB in the Mongo See Crab Cakes! thread and wins the coveted HCwDB Comment of the Week (language edited for Googleness work issues):

—–
F#cking Coreys. I need some strange. Have known the Mrs. for thirty years around now. F#cking Jebus. I knew I was too young to get married at 31 after she chased me down for a decade seeking the Holy Cock. F#ck. Thirty years till I’m dead, I need more p#ssy. I need Megap#ssy not the little bit of strange lovin I run into through incest and hookers and girls in the bad part of town who give me a blowey for a gram and a slice of pie. And by incest I mean adults at least a first cousin away from me. Hermit has to know some hot chicks that pick up sh#t around his hovel while washing cars in cheerleader uniforms and getting each other all wet and sh#t for the homecoming dance.
——–

Its like Walt Disney and Charles Bukowski had a retarded love child, and that retarded love child became a poet.

Friday Thoughts and Links

Douche-Neck shirts.

Still out there. Still a harbinger of stupid hair, chest shave, and the apocalypse of tainting Jenny and Kelly’s perfect globbs.

Your humble narrator muses on the power of herd mentality to drive the masses to stupidity, and is appalled and bemused simultaneously. We flatter ourselves with thoughts of individualism.

But we are simply crumbs on the cone nose of a Carvel Cookie Puss.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: ” I tell you what we’re gonna do, Marlboro. You’re gonna take that goddamn J.C. Penney tie off and we’re gonna have an old fashioned man to man drinking party.”

HCwDB televisual mock continues to spread with Britain’s hit show“The Only Way is Essex.”

‘Bag hunters fight back: Petition to keep Nickelback from playing halftime show gains support. Don’t forget to sign the petitition!

Raging ass pimple on the butt cheek of society, the retched “Nik Ritchie,” who writes HCwDB ripoff site “The Dirty,” managed to keep his desperate clinging to Z-List fame alive by going on Anderson Cooper to talk about his defamation case. Back when that clown launched “Dirty Scottsdale” after being inspired by HCwDB, he used to beg me for links to his crap. And look at him now. What a hero.

Scientists identify World’s Sexiest Dance Moves. Sadly, White Man’s Overbite not included.

Since I got all reflective earlier in the week looking back at 2007’s Why Jeffy is ‘Bag, here’s another nostalgic look back The Oompa Prompa Photoshop Contest. Back in 2008. Like another universe.

Remember that cute Jerry McGuire kid? Now he likes to work out. You had me at “Too Much Time On Your Hands.”

Apparently he hasn’t been using his time to earn an Online-MBA. (Resource Link)

Ubiquitous Red Cup for sale. No sign if John Mayerbag is thinking of making a bid.

Ever wonder what happens when a sexytime threesome goes wrong? For one Florida douchebag, it involves throwing a TV at his wife and ending up in jail.

Okay, you’ve been good. You’ve earned it:

Shower Pearfection.

For the twilight is ‘ere and the November rain means Axl Rose shivers.

Happy Nigel Tufnel Day!

In honor of Nigel Tufnel day (11/11/11), I dedicate this post to the greatest metal band of all time.

Friday Haiku

For her big ol’ rack
I would bail on Moose as well;
“Clean-up on Aisle Boobs…”

A Your Mom Necklace
Hovering over those boobs
Means Gogurt target.

— Mandouchian Candidate

I, too, am sorry
Sorry I can see your face
Moose Diesel’s boyfriend.

— Wedgie

No worries; he’ll be
swilling “Moose Diesel” later
with other broheims

— Wheezer

Her boobs are so hot
They can fog up the glasses
On douchebag’s shirt

— ehcuodouche

A “Your Mom” necklace?
Who wants to think of their mom
When making yogurt?

— Mr. Scrotato Head

Herpster Henry, Bright Eyed Brigitte, and the Hand of the Collective Unconscious

Possible nominee for my 2023 Art Show at the Guggenheim Museum?

Piet Mondrian Suffers in the Afterlife

From vanguard artistic movement to a douchebag’s shorts in just under a century.

Next up: 10 Degree Hat Tilt with a bicycle wheel sticking out of the top.

And yes, this is now officially becoming a trend.

Is early 20th Century impressionism the new Ed Hardy?