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Thursday, November 3, 2011
Creepy Granpa Jaundy
Sweet Patricia will make this night the main subject of her therapy sessions from July of 2014 to August of 2015.
Thursday, November 3, 2011Bros Be Bangin’ Hard Yo (In Tony’s Living Room)
Bright Eyes Bonnie was poorly educated in the ways of Bro. Her taut bobble bobbs will soon be ignored while Tony, Franco and Zed go into the kitchen to do shots and talk about Michael Vick.
Thursday, November 3, 2011“Haaayyy-ayyyy” Guy Annoys All Within Earshot
On the upside, Hustler Sue’s made, like, at least six bucks betting “Haaayyy-ayyyyy” Guy she could pick up a Bud Light Lime using only her breasts and a midget assistant named Tuco.
On the downside, three American hikers are still lost on the Slopes of Mount Douchemore.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011He Likes Turtles
Meh, I’d probably give Dave a nottadouche and a Halloween pass if he wasn’t drinking Bud.
Perfect enhanced Cleavite taut suckle tatt-free Sharona pushes the limits of Female Groin Shave Revelation to their flux capacity, and earns an approving nod from the gods.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011Q-Bert Is Not a Gangsta, He Just Plays One in Vegas
Kimberly’s soft fuzzy sweaters are hypothetically too magical to touch.
Between six pound watch, junk-on-boobs violence, and the lime-green leopard speedos, Spandex Guy is outta there.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011It’s… Superherpster!
Look!
At an indie gallery opening in Bensonhurst!
It’s a hipster!
It’s a douchebag!
It’s Superherpster!
No f-ing clue what all these fake glasses are about, but I do know that Herpsterism is one of the sneakiest forms of douchebaggery appearing in 2011.
As to the Herpsterette, pictured here, The Librarian Hott signifiers clashing with potential signs of Indie Bleething are the personification of the douchadox. The moment at which I both desire pooch suckle and yet am repelled by cultural blight on the same contradictory particle/wave duality.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011A Douchebag on Halloween Is Like The Sound of One Hand Clapping
A metaphysical query as we consider HCwDB of the Week winnerTommy Pak and Maria on Halloween.
Or, as the fool once asked the wise man: Is it douchey for the douche to dress douchey on the one day it isn’t douchey to dress like a douche?
Tuesday, November 1, 2011Herpster Frank Wears All Black to a Wine Tasting: Discovers Epic Side Boob
Little known fact: Boobies can never be ironic.
Yeah, Frank’s barely a ‘bag, might even be a notta, but hey. Side boob.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011Reader Mail: When HCwDB Readers Meet in the Real World
In honor of last night’s Hallow’s Eve, here’s the story of what happens when HCwDB readers meet in the “real world,” featuring long time ‘bag hunter Jacques Doucheteau and legendary horrormeister Baron Von Goolo.
Note: The HCwDB pic accompanying this post is not Baron Von Goolo, nor Jacques Doucheau. So far as you know.
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DB1,
Tonight I had the honor of meeting face-to-face with Baron Von Goolo. I took the Mrs. on a road trip to Portland to experience the haunted houses of Fright Town, and was fortunate enough to run into the Baron, as he is the curator of the event.
I saw him first as he was perusing the line of waiting customers, eying his victims like a hyena circling mortally wounded gazelles. I approached him as he walked by me and asked him if Plinky’s mom was part of the exhibit, at which point a pleasantly surprised expression crossed his face upon the realization that the universe found it necessary to draw two HCwDB regs together for a chance meeting. I introduced myself as he thrust his hand forward to meet mine, and he wished me an enjoyable evening, with a wink and a glint in his eye before I entered the Portland Memorial Colosseum Exhibit Hall for no less than three of the Pacific Northwest’s greatest haunted houses under one roof.
After an hour of thrills, scares, laughs, and all around good fun, I ran into the Baron again on the way out, at which point I expressed my thanks for a fine Halloween weekend in pastoral Portland, OR. He assured me that Plinky’s mom may be featured in next year’s Museum of Horrors, though it may require a forklift and a couple tons of putrid horse meat to coax her into the building. He was obviously busy, and mentioned it had been a long day, so I didn’t bother him further. For posterity I did insist on snapping a couple pictures before heading out, to which the Baron graciously obliged.
For your personal enjoyment, I give you a picture of the Baron Von Goolo and myself, both looking our sexiest. Or at least as dashing as a pair of gentlemen can be while surrounded by a thousand screaming teenagers in the humid basement of a sports area with a bunch of volunteers in makeup. I was not wearing a costume which I suppose compromises my precious anonymity, so now that you know what I really look like I must remind you: that with great power, comes great responsibility.
Happy Halloween to you and the rest of the regs.
-Jacques Doucheteau
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Happy post-Hallow’s Eve to all HCwDB readers, whether long time or recently arrived. There was no greater tribute to the pop-culture impact of HCwDB than Von Goolo’s 2008 Douchebags of the Living Dead.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011The Garglebag and Nadia
Oh sure, The Garglebag might be busting stupidhead and chin pube fungosity while cozying up to Nadia.
But it’s not like he’s got some garish multicolored body tatt or anything.
Doh.
