Sunday, January 22, 2012
Douchebag Bison
Honeybadger don’t care.
Hot Chicks With Douche Bags
PICTURES OF HOT CHICKS WITH TOTAL AND COMPLETE DOUCHEBAGS. WITH COMMENTARY.
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Hall of Mock
- Pfah
- DarkSock
- Baron Von Goolo
- Troy Tempest
- Steve L
- Wheezer
- Medusa Oblongata
- creature
- Crucial Head
- Mr. White
- Archidoucheis
- Mr. Biggs
- Vin Douchal
- Sergeant Scrote Stain
- boatbutter
- Captain Bringdown
- Whoop-di-douche
- Jacques Doucheteau
- massengill
- Dr. Bunsen Honeydouche
- Mr. Scrotato Head
- Deltus
- The Reverend Chad Kroeger
- mr.reeve
- Wedgie
- Et Tu Douche?
- Eliza Douchcoo
- dbBen
- soy bomb
- DoucheyWallnuts
- I R A Darth Aggie
- jonezy
- Hermit
- Chris in ‘Baghdad
- Douchble Helix
- the douche is alright
- Choad the Douche Sprocket
- Stephanie
- The Dude
- Dude McCrudeshoes
- Sir David Douchenborough
- Il Douché
- Bag A
- douche equis
- Capt. James T. Douche
- Charles Nelson Douchely
- THEONETRUEDOUCHE
- Merle Baggard
- ehcuodouche
- Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
- Charles Douchewin
- FredN.
- Ol' Dirty Douchebag
- In memoriam: bcs
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That sucked!!!, for the Bison that is.
The asshole bison throwing down his own kind to the wolves sort of reminded me of what KKKarl Rove did to McCain in the 2000 South Carolina primaries on behalf of a man destined to become our first double-digit IQ president.
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I’m not exactly a Republican booster but I have to wonder how John McCain felt about rotting in a cage in Vietnam for years so that some soft doughy me-firster civilian like Rove had the privilege of suggesting to South Carolina closet racists that his young adopted Bangladeshi daughter was a by-product of having sex with a black woman. And with Norquist and the Koch Brothers today, Karl Rove was the good ol’ days…
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My point’s not to inject politics into this site, which we all agree is tiresome…it just struck me that this video is analogous to how acceptable it has become in “civil society” to throw not just your enemies but your allies to the wolves for personal gain. Surely this trait is in the top 5 of uber-douche signifiers. That’s exactly what this footage reminded me of.
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Smear Mongers.
Karl Rove is Satos.
For those that want something a smidgen more human in their Sunday movie, please enjoy the musical stylings of the Russian Snooki.
Karl Rove, Newt Gingrich and Rush Limbaugh all have freakishly large heads. WTF up wit dat?
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Discuss.
To be fair, Clinton had a big gourd too, plus his eyes/nose/mouth are pushed freakishly close together, much like Jennifer Anniston’s, as evidenced in this un-retouched photograph.
Good song
Speaking of freakishly squished faces and retardation, Payton Mannings’ little brother looks a little off.
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Wedgos
Reminds me, why do they call it ‘friendly fire’?
@DarkSock
Ham Rove is a dick!!
http://cheezburger.com/pianoflames/lolz/View/5304112640
I’ll assume the boss was surfing national geographic for topless african tribal women when he stumbled upon the bison clip.
@darksock
Speaking of un-retouched, here’s what Katy Perry sounds like without autotune:
^Katie Perry might have a great metal voice and a Betty Boop thing going on which gives me a boner, but I watched Ferris Bueller this morning and Mia Sara and this girl before she had the Ashkenazi Jew cut off her face still give me volcanic bone as I wait for the final coat of Kroeger Cave paint to dry and foozball to start. No disrespect to the Sephardim in our midst.
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Yo Dreuche! So I’m fine tuning my game last night and while talking to this English woman I’ve known for some time and with whom I’ve moved outta the friend zone and into potential country, mid conversation some idiot cock blocks. Hate that! I’d raised my value sufficiently with her to probably close – even though I’m not sure if I will close – but what’s with the buttinsky? He started banging on about a super marathon he’d recently run. Trotting around a lake shore from 8pm to 8am. Like, I care…
I dunno. I think that bison could come in handy, like letting it into any of a hundred douchebag clubs at 2 AM on a Friday night…and then tasering its ass.
@tall guy, I wasn’t even gonna comment today but then you had to go an ask me a question in regards to my area of expertise. First off stop the negative talk. Turn “not sure” into “I am gonna”. Cock blockers just come with the territory when you game it out in the open in a social setting. Do not let this deter you. And don’t try and complete by bragging about how fast you can run. Just let him run his mouth like I do with Rev Chad. In the end she will see the clear choice is you. You can do this. Confidence over over-confidence wins everytime.
tall guy, tell her you’re an astronaut or Secret Service or something. And be sure to squint like you know much more than you or anyone else can tell. It’s always worked for me. Well, both times.
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East Wood
The thing is, I’m only escalating her for a future (possible) extraction. Say I see her out one night: with much of the elementary spadework having already been done, her resistance is practically non-existent.
Also, The Dude, I’ve been an architect, a lottery winner, a record producer, film maker etc, all to no avail. My latest methods are revealing my best game. Go figure.
Dreuche, confidence comes from the Latin; Con – to go fidence – forward. My vague High School Latin may not serve me well, but I’m pretty sure that’s close enough. Any doubt, check with Kroeger. He’s got Catholic School written all over his posts.
@tall guy, if her resistance is futile than why are you asking me how to play it? Them skins need hittin’. Them guts need to be up and gotten in. Float like a butterfly and hump her like a bee already. Bees do it, right? And you’re totally spot on about Catholic school and Rev Chad. I wonder if he’s still has his uniform.
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@The Dude, you’re an astronaut for the Secret Service?
Et Tu, I always thought Karl Rove WAS a ham loaf with glasses…you have just blown my mind. He’s HUMAN?
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Mr. White, you just gave me a roar-gasm.
Tall Guy, drop the “I’m an architect” spiel. I AM an architect, and I get less game than Reverend Chad at a boy scout retreat.
Wait…
Indecision comes mainly from desire. I’m never short of testosterone poisoning, but it’s about levels with this babe. Speaks in that clipped English way, haughty, bit up herself, really. I ask myself: do I want to put myself through that?
Anyway, playing the phoney spook card is fraught with problems (I’m guessing). One of our celebrity shrinks commented a while back that some of her patients claimed they were secret service. She reminded them they were schizophrenics.
I get less game than Drew Brees in the play-offs.
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Soul Crushers.
I get less game than Squeezy Jibs at a Baptist convention.
I got lots of chicks in Catholic school. And I only went to grade 8.
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Nuns Habits
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I have a game to watch and many doobs rolled up to be smoked outside in direct view of my 13″ Tube. Ravens shanked that kick bad. Fuck.
Damned Patriots…I hate seeing damn Yankees make it to the Superbowl.
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What city are the Ravens from?
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Ahhh who cares…if it ain’t the Saints, I c’aint.
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Fired Field Goal Kickers
Back on topic…who would win in a cage match to the death; Honey Badger or Rabbi’s Badger?
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Discuss.
Speaking of number, Kroeger, that’s what it’s about with this pommy. She has friends, which makes cold opening a thing of the past. Why wouldn’t I open a team of hotts. I’m odds-on for a root.
Thing I like about you, Dreuche, is best summed-up in an Australian saying: “A good root and a green apple would kill her.” And why I relate it to you is that I know neither of those things would actually kill you.
Solid!
Is there an Australian-to-American translator on Babelfish?
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Crazy Aussies…
my parents almost moved there when I was a wee sock but the grandparents stepped in and forbade it…I think I’d have made a damn good Australian. Err, I mean, fair dinkum. Oi. Yarrr.
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Wait that’s pirate-speak.
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Mates.
You don’t have to outrun the wolves, you just have to outrun the slowest buffalo. I would call knocking down your herd mate prudent.
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Tall guy quit taking Nancy’s advice. Find yourself a sloppy biker chick who is overweight poorly dressed and smells like processed meat. Bang her like an Outback jackrabbit.
Gotta’ get your mojo working again then work your way back to your standards .
I’m betting SanFran over NYC, and Hotts over tall guy.
And to add to Hermit’s advice, let her dingo eat your baby. Throw your shrimp on her barbie. Elect your Midnight Oil member into her government. If you know what I mean.
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I don’t.
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Sheilas.
@tall guy, Aussie sayings are the best. At not making sense. What’s wrong with green apples? Thanks for the compliment anyway and pay no attention to Hermit, he’s just advice blocking me. See I get it all the time too but I don’t pay it no mind. But definitely throw your shrimp on her barbie. We’re pulling for you, but not as much as your pulling on you. Because that would be gross. I expect your next report back to include a proper boot knocking story. That’s how we Americans describe doing it. And by doing it I actually mean doing it.
That wasn’t fair. The f@#%ing Giants played strip ball again.
Williams is teh suck. He turned over more balls than Andy Dick.
Way to jinx it McCrude. Great, now I’m gonna have to call up and cancel Strawberries Wild from the Smoothie menu. Poor Wedgie. If only he had cheered harder.
I’m just setting up the camera for my YouTube video. I’m gonna need some onions to compete with that Green Bay girl though. Wait, what’s my motivation again?
Eli is a Mississippi boy. As is Peyton Manning. As is Walter Payton. As is Jerry Rice, Brett Favre, Steve McNair, and so on.
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Pro NFL players from New Hampshire, anyone? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
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When will you damn Yankees learn?
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Pepperidge Farm Rememberers.
Wedgie, forward that fifth of Maker’s on.
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If it makes you feel any better, I peed in it.
Fuccen Kyle Williams is Rev’s illegitimate son.
Trade that fuckstain to the Toronto Argonauts.
Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me. If the Niners win, I get to go to the fuccen Super Bowl with my Dad and the gang from Southern Wine & Spirits. Now I get dick, and no peed-in Maker’s Mark to boot.
Sad day in Wedgieville, folks. Kyle Williams can suck my dick. Twice.
I’m seeing the German tonight. Expectations are adequate.
You can only numb the nerve pain for so long. So as I awake to a new day I see that the prediction I made 25 short years ago rings true, although I was not conscious for most of a day due to the poor decision to smoke a bunch of weed and buy a case of cheap Canadian Sherry and miss all but the last few plays of the game, the New York Football Giants are the team of the quarter century since I picked them to beat the Bills in year XX1 the first year I started watching the Greatest Game On Earth.
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As came Frank Sinatra, The Sopranos, the Caesar Salad, and Four Seasons Sunrooms before them. The New York Giants have proven themselves formidable from Jimmy Hoffa to Cindy Lauper, “Tynes After Tynes”.
Bad pun I know, but is it worse to hear a bad pun or have a Fuccen Canadian hit on the NFC winner this year? Then from Mayor Dinky to Bloomberg the gay Jew the Giants have imprinted themselves upon us like a mexican knockoff hat for sale outside a gated community in Orlando.
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An East versus West, North versus South pizza puzzle, eaten by a quandary wrapped in a bedlam team that every able body as well as those who pretend to hate them see as a puzzle, juxtaposed as a chess game inside a Tuna’s gullet and the only way to get it out is to Coughlin.
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From LT to Plaxico Bullet, the mighty Blue roll on led by an apparently retarded man of first round draft doubts to the fringe of quenching his brother’s omnipresence in an act from Oedipus Rex. A conniver of cunnilingus and a last quarter stand dominatrix the young man has brought us from the brink to the stink, Indianapolis. The Greek city in the midwest where in a few short weeks as seen on TV a drug addled man will gloat over his infirmities and rise as the host of a party enjoyed by all and the death of 55 New York steaks and seven gallons of New England clam chowder as he reads the book of ages. The Book of Eli.
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And I don’t want that bottle of Dark Sock piss Wedgie, bets off.
As inbreeding and rum-running has disfigured the buck-toothed faces of a priviledged bunch of Martha’s Vineyards’ politico tools, I’m looking at you James Taylor and your Irish thug pals. Fuck you Carole King. go suck jfk jr’s rotting cockenspiel. the New York Giants will run over the Patriots like Mr. Jim Brady’s gay Architect cock on Peter and Cindy on a summer’s afternoon in Waikiki with a tarantula on Greg’s cock while he’s fucking Florence Henderson. (She was a piece of tail back in the day like JJ’s mother Florence on Good Times, respect for the sistas, yo).
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The Giants will prevail. Any bets? No piss? Fuck man the Patriots are only -3. IT’s all a dream this year man. It’s all a dream.
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Eli Manning is Re Todd It
Am I still drunk? Am I hallucinating from the homemade Quaaludes I took this weekend? Has this site turned into a sports/political commentary site? Where are the boobs and dick jokes?
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Chemists
@DW, you forgot to mention my mentorship of tall guy during his quest for Sheilatang. I find it to be a great little running side story.
@ DoucheyWallnuts
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You rang?
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@ tall guy
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NEVER tell a woman you’re a chemist. All they want is free drugs and shit. And then trying to explain to them that you’re a chemist that doesn’t work with real chemicals REALLY blows their fuccen minds. I never ever got any tail usin’ my real profession. Now if you go with a MOSSAD agent posing as a hotdog vendor, well, that shit is like Spanish Fly yo!
Oh, and what’s with all this throw-ball talk? Who cares if a bunch of pussies who play for 6 seconds at a time and then rest for 30 seconds managed to go to some “big game”? Big deal. Now if anybody wants to take some action onthe Champions League or even the FA Cup, I’m totally down with that.
Way to close a link dipshit:
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http://www.uefa.com/uefachampionsleague/index.html
Sheilatang…