Friday, January 27, 2012
Marcus Runs With The Goose in Thailand
More from the partying adventures of wayward rich American youth in torture cells in outer Thailand somwhere near the Cambodian/Prussian 38th parallel.
This story don’t end well neither.
For it features nipple clamps and blueberry pie. Served on a series of cascading rice patties held together by barbed wire and goat weed by a feral monkey named Dave.
And David Lynch yawns and asks me to quietly leave his driveway without causing a fuss.
So the gang is in Thailand huh? Sure that’s not the wall of an Outback Steakhouse. I hate when I have to bring my brother with me on dates too. Next time I’m gonna tell him to bring his Gameboy.
Linda and Todd would soon learn a hard lesson about accepting drinks from John Lydon whilst in his basement.
Douche wearing black in back is starting to feel the effects of a little known Asiatic anaesthetic – prior to having several of his internal organs sold on the black market.
Marcus wears his ear stud in the gay ear. Bleeth suffers lack of cock.
Skippy has a great fake ID. He can’t be out of junior high yet here is drooling a Long Island Iced Tea, getting the spins and saying, “Dude, dude, dude, DUDE, dude , Dude, dude, Dude, dude, dude, DUDE, dude , Dude, dude, Dude, dude, dude, DUDE, dude , Dude, dude, Dude, dude, dude, DUDE, dude , Dude, dude, ……… I am SO wasted
I’m noticing a disturbing (but completely understandable) new trend of innocent bystanders in the mere presence of the bag / hott, appearing to drink themselves into oblivion in an attempt to unsee the horror, see above. I believe this could be the nation’s biggest health issue, even more ominous than obesity and teen pregnancy. Be warned.
It also appears Skippy in the background may have pissed himself.
Alright groovers I’m off to the beach. I arose a little earlier than usual, which translates as I woke at 2:30am. I’ve goofed around long enough this morning so now something a little more constructive such as a surf. Low tide and no swell, but I’ll have a swim to get wet anyway. Enjoy your weekend fellow ‘Bagsters. I will look forward to reading the FT&L later on today.
Rare photo of Peyton and Eli the night before the draft. Honey badger don’t care!
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Son
@MPI, not that I was looking intently, but I’m pretty sure that is just the acid washed jeans effect. And if I had to spend any amount of time with these two I would need to be completely bombed out of my gourd. So yeah, I think you’re right about that disturbing new trend. The list of people I can remain sober around is surprisingly small. When I drink you guys are funnier and smarter so win win for everyone.
Moments later General Lao informed announced that happy hour was over, and it’s time for the mule team to get busy inserting all those heroin rocks into their rectums.
Forget about Skippy and Todd my well trained eye spots an oh so little inner side B( . )( . )b reveal going on with Linda. It looks glorious & supple. Mmmmm……. inner side boob reveal.
Let’s try that again…
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Moments later General Lao announced that happy hour was over, and it’s time for the mule team to get busy inserting all those heroin rocks into their rectums.
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Stacy thinks that sounds painful and asks General Lao if she can use her monkey box. General Lao quickly agrees that Stacy can use her rectum AND her monkey box, and that he likes her initiative.
Skippy
Dreuche who the f you kidding around here ? The real reason you come to this site is to check out slightly underage, male crotch bulges.
Just a few minutes later the ghost pepper curry made a sudden and messy re-appearance as the floor was covered ankle deep in thick brown liquid resembling molasses, with three strange calamari rings floating on top which were only latter identified to be the scorched remains of their butt holes.
Thank god for a shot of female sideboob, and a splash of cranberry-on-sideboob.
@MPI, the real reason I come to this site is that I get off on insulting people. There I said it. And that dude looks totes legal. As the old saying goes “If he’s old enough to drink he’s old enough to not put it in my stink but instead make sweet passionate love and then afterwards we can watch whatever sporting event he is into as long as its not basketball.”
Super Bowl 46 is going to be the greatest of all time. Half time show not only features Madonna and LMFAO, but the recently added Indiana Marching Meth Cookers Trailer Park Band playing their explosive new hit Shake and Bake Sally.
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Flaming Tournedos
Rev. Chadstein:
Good eye; I was gonna call out Ely for being in Thailand when he should be in Indy getting ready to receive some T. Brady payback. Peyton is rehabbing in Vegas, so I hear. Not sure that neck’s gonna get any better by having some stripper named Lexus grind her inflamed crotch on it.
But I’ve been wrong about holistic cures before.
Tall Guy:
It was pumping this morning; hope you were out early. Fun waves and sunny; 70 degrees on the beach in S.D. Jan fuccen 27th bitches.
How’s the weather in America’s Chapeau, Rev. Hoser?
I always knew you were a romantic at heart, Dreuche.
Who knew John “Horsetooth” Elway was a ‘baghunter? I’ll be dadgummed…..
@Wedgie
I got a couple of my Jews in the basement screaming at each other with the fucking Family Channel on and YouTube videos blaring cause the buses aren’t running and I’m too wasted by 8 am to drive em to school with my suspended license and shit. And it’s snowing since the fucking freezing rain stopped so now we have an inch of snow on top of two inches of ice on top of two fucking feet of snow and the inch of salt I threw on the driveway isn’t melting shit. But studded longboard wheels on ice are the bomb. You take the cored wheels and drive wood screws in and hacksaw them off to a generally uniform length, put on your helmet and your worst board shorts and some old work gloves and fuck up the neighbours while you flail drunkenly down the hilkl towards the inevitable crash. But the crashes don’t hurt as bad as my chronic pain conditions so it’s all a fucking shiny dream, man. All a dream. And the dog has fucking diarrhea again from eating turkey skins and shitting bloody stools on the ice on the front step cause she’s afraid to fall through the crap ice in the backyard. And if the fucking mailman complains about my icy driveway again I’m gonna kneecap him. Fuck.
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Glad you had some tasty waves. Fuck.
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Son
@MPI, and I would appreciate it if you kept that little factoid to yourself. My rep of tough as nails street detective is under enough scrutiny as is. And if memory serves I was the first one on this case Mr. private Investigator. So I believe that means I have jurisdiction and other fancy words.
I remember what happened to the last Douche that went to Thailand. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Too soon?
As Bob as my witness Son will not return into the everyday banter! Damnit, who am I kidding Sons. Carry on.
Anyone other than Dark Sock and Wedgie in on the 6000 mile travelling lost or broken bottle of piss tainted and salty teared labelled bottle of Maker’s on it’s way to Canada. This one has to have Patriots by 3 points to win the bowl and Madonna to give a horrid performance. But I guess that last part is moot anyway. Fucking old well-muscled fake English hag.
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Sons
No,I’m the one checking out the male crotch bulges,you have that wrong. Although I find there’s nothing really to get excited about much lately.
And that’s not the Outback Steakhouse,it’s the local Wendy’s.
@Stephanie, you continue to bite off my bit and I am forced to take it as flattery. Thank you for your patronage.
Geez, Kroeger, pleased to hear it’s all so calm & laid-back’n’shit round your place…
I arrived early, Wedgie, but alas very low tide + small to non-existent swell=very few waves. Had a quick swim which was cool. Our summer has not been great for waves. No Christmas tides & very little cyclone activity up North has brought little in the way of pumping days. The weather, too, has been very ordinary and we’re barely 3 days away from our last month of (official) Summer. I may get down for a late one.
They wore matching buttons.
Dude’s upper lip could withstand an atom bomb.