Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Tony the Curdle
As in sour milk curdle.
As in old ladies who wear a girdle.
As in not a tortoise, but a turtle. A turtle with crotch rash and a trust fund.
I have no idea why I’m rhyming this morning. I blame the hurdle of trying to name the hottie pitctured here. I was going to go with “fertile myrtle” but lets just call her Adriana. Butt Pooch Adriana.
For hers are the external kernels of…well, boobies.
Wise Black Man Howlin’ Cat is having none of it.
Psst! Tony! Your smoke is in your other hand bro.
I think his dick is in his other pants, too.
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Wise Man Black Howlin’ Cat sez, “Enough is enough. I’ve had it with these muthafuckin’ douchebags in my muthafuckin’ bar.”.
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Honky Tonk Honkies
Wise Black Man Howlin’ Cat hasn’t been so pissed since FEMA flew him to Oklahoma a few years back. Katrina-something I think it was, but people don’t like to talk about it anymore.
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Nagins
Dave Chapelle looks like he really regrets walking away from Comedy Central.
Wise Black Man Howlin’ Cat is so fast Chuck Norris can’t see him coming.
Howlin’ Cat just remembered why he wrote “white people suck” on his livestrong bracelet.
Adriana sports Budweiser crown bling from when she won the beer-foam t-shirt contest last year.
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Adriana is giving me Polish eye of you-pay-me-now.
Only a wop, an idiot, or one of them movie vampires would put a black pocket square in a black jacket. I’m guessing Tony is all 3.
I would do unspeakable things to her. mmmm
@Dude, you dego that wop comment back or else you might find yourself having to recover from a “Spaghetti Incident”.
I feel Wise Black Man Howlin’ Cat’s pain but I’d really like to fondle succulent thigh/back leg right in front of him.
Wise Black Man Howlin’ Cat wants to know what muthafuccah parked a black Iroc-Z across 2 handicap parking spaces and a firelane.
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@Nance, I think you mean dago (a bastardization of diego), which means spanish or hispanic in civilization. Only an ignorant Amerinadian would think this means Italian.
@McCrude, It’s pronounced Nancé. If you’re gonna shorten it at least spell it right. And how dare you insinuate that I am any way associated with anything Canadian. They are good for only three things, back Bacon, Hockey and providing America with much needed shade during the summer months. Oh yeah and sweet sweet maple syrup. Anyhow, dago dego potato poteto. Get over it.
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Mafia Bores
Ayyyyyyy, is the Lance Bass look workin’? Or what ?
I Like Turtles.
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She Likes Turd-Hulls.
Wait! Wise Black Man Howlin’ Cat is sporting 45 degree hat tilt. On a fucking dirver’s cap! I share his pained expression as I take in the display of douchery around him, but stylish hat tilt is still autodouche.
If I knew how to spell the motorboat sound, it would be spelled out below…
She can make my johnson squirtle.
@Dreuche, you are obviously confused. You think Canadians are good for something. I did see a hot chick in Montreal once, she was from France though.
She has a butt in her
shirt, and the poo hole goes
right into her heart.
Wise Man Black Howlin’ Cat once pleasured Plinky’s Mom using nothing but a ride-on Ditch Witch outfitted with work boots over each dredging blade, three pool cues and noted actor Alan Alda’s left leg.
Wise Man Black Howlin’ Cat started the term “glue hole” as derogatory slang for vagina.
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It failed to catch on.
Wise Man Black Howlin’ Cat cooks his ribs by shaving the cow’s sternum and pressing a hot flat iron into the spot until it’s tender and falling off the bone. Then he attaches lamprey-style and digs in.
Wise Man Black Howlin’ Cat has cockroach toes and lives inside an army mule.
Wise Man Black Howlin’ Cat huffs lumber to get high.
I smell herpes sores!
Wise Man Black Howlin’ Cat has home made dentures made out of .22 caliber rounds and a rabbi’s badger’s still-fresh pelvis.
Wise Man Black Howlin’ Cat once threw 14 kielbasas “throwing dagger style” into an unaware Christina Aguilera’s glue hole from the 5th row at a Shreveport concert; he got nothin’ but net.
Wise Man Black Howlin’ Cat golly-yanks possum tails to turn them inside-out and then eats them like corn on the cob.
Wise Black Man Howlin’ cat pisses Scorned Woman Hot Sauce and eats lemons with his cock.
Wise Black Man Howlin’ Cat met Dick Cheney, called him an asshole. threw a soiled military issue baby wipe at him while he whistled God Bless America from his Grandma Mae’s old pickle-slit, twice.
Wise Man Black Howlin’ Cat wonders why the time is off by 15 minutes on this site.
Wise Black Man Howlin’ Cat used to play high-stakes street games of dominoes, with Stonehenge.
Wise Black Man Howling Cat rolls his own cigars with oak veneer hewn by Ben Vereen.
Wise Black Man Howling Cat can detach his nipples as fleshy throwing stars. They are fairly ineffective in combat.
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Nippos.
Glue hole. Consider it done DS. And by done I mean it will definitely stick.
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GlueStick Holes
Glue Hole vs. Pickle Slit…
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We are barely into 2012 and the first epic battle is already afoot.
Wise Black Howlin’ Black Man knows where John Bonet Ramsey is buried.
Wise Black Howling Man thinks Samurai.Scrote is a farce.
Wise Black howling man wore a sweet gerry curl in 1982.
Wise Black howling man freebases garlic powder.
Wise Black Man howling cat runs a soul food restaurant in Memphis featuring bar b Que porch beef.
Wise Black Man Howlin, Cat’s feet never touch the ground.
Nice tits.
Tony’d rather be sucking on a chili dog outside the Tastee Freez
Wise Black Man Howlin’ Cat saddles up and rides caribou across the frozen Canadian tundra in search of shale oil deposits to mine for his contact lens lubricant, using his own scrotum as a saddle blanket.
Wise Black Man Howlin’ Cat carries around one of the elevator shafts from the Dubai Khalifa Tower in his pocket as a Fleshlight.
Wise Black Man Howling Cat knuckle-fucked Maria Shriver once in 1942.
Wise Black Man Howling Cat has a beer can for a dick.
Wise Black Man Howlin’ Cat went on a date with Mila Kunis’ oyster ditch, and got to second base.
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Using only his big toes.
Wise Black Man Howlin’ Cat plays an electric harp made out of full size mastodon skeleton with platinum coated shark dicks for strings. He can play Freebrid in under 2 seconds. All of it.
Wise Black Man Howlin’ Cat is so black he doesn’t have a proctologist, he has a chimney sweep.
Wise Black Man Howlin’ Cat once entered a big cock contest. He came in first, second, and third.
Wise Black Man Howlin’ Cat got HIV once, and then he farted out the vaccine.
Wise Black Man Howlin’ Cat trims his toenails with his eyelids.
Wise Black Man Howling Cat knows the how-to-peel-a-head-of-garlic-in-less-than-10-seconds trick.
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He also uses the same handy trick for kittens.
Dear Tony Curdle,
Wishing you all the best for the New Year. And by the best, I mean this (fast forward to 3:03):
Tony, yeah, she’s got two bewbs. I think I might possibly have noticed. Thanks, Captain Obvious.
Wise Old Cackling Cat has never seen anyone be beaten so badly by so few bat swings.
Wise Black Man Howlin’ Cat and this awesome meme are already a candidate for the 2012 John Largeman award.
Tony is a eye-talion stallion with a medallion and smells like noodles. And the Afro-American behind him is waiting for Tony to go to the toilet and so he can leave with his date. And she will go with him instead. Bye bye Tony.
Wise Black Man Howlin’ Cat is gonna wait until Tony the Curdle goes to take a leak. The he’s gonna offer Adriana Snowflake some Jazz man weed. Tony is gonna go home alone and weepsterbate.
Wise Black Man Howlin’ Cat’s ringtone
WOW! MO – Thank you for that video. There was more professionalism, creativity, skill, etc in that 2 minutes than every Golden Globe nominee combined displayed in all of 2011.
Wise Man Black Howlin’ Cat once threw 14 kielbasas “throwing dagger style” into an unaware Christina Aguilera’s glue hole from the 5th row at a Shreveport concert; he got nothin’ but net –
Phuccen Hilarious DS, thank you and to everyone here for making me laugh this frigid morning.
I think Surgery Sally would’ve been a better name….