Monday, January 23, 2012
Uncle Hardy Approves of the HCwDB of the Week
Frankly, Uncle Hardy’s just glad to get out of the house now that the ankle-monitor’s been removed.
Paid-to-Pose Katrina has six credits to go on her nursing degree. So don’t blame her for the simmering rage she displays at her lot in life. For Uncle Hardy smells like burned wood chips and tapioca.
ANKLE monitor, boss. Because, really, nothing helps you make friends and endear you to people like pointing out their typos.
I resent the fact that you think Kyle Williams’ sister is a paid escort. Fuccen hatters.
^But I’m over it, I swear.
He is not in his element. This is an awkward douchebag. I feel more bad for him than mock. You can tell his hearts not in it.
Instead of taking the number 14 bus to the New Horizons Adult Learning Center, Jimmy used his bus fare to get to the to the Red Pony’s mid-day buffet after going to TJ Maxx and picking up a sweet new t-shirt that Eldon from the Center said would get him some action.
PS:
Sock, did you send that Maker’s via Wagon Train? Holy son of Tebus, I would at least like to look at how you managed to cut the seal, pee in it, and close it back up without breaking the tax band. That is, before I send it to Canada’s answer to Dr. Timothy Leary, the Right Reverand Chad Kroeger. Also known as Canada’s Pharmacy.
Speaking of Canada, Rev, did you know that your distributor of the finest Patron Tequila products is none other than Daniel Edward Aykroyd? True story.
Chunky Brendon Fraser on the set of the 42 Year Old Virgin with guest star, Angry Angie Harmon.
Ever since his aborted presidential campaign, Fred Thompson’s career has not gone in the right direction.
^Akroyd has his own winery in Niagara. Angry girl on top looks like she likes to play the game that is sweeping the nation , Anal Tongue Darting. I wouldn’t play with her because she might have a snapping arsehole.
These are two people utterly dissatisfied with life, and not in a manufactured angst, poseur kind of way. You can tell Katrina genuinely regrets the first day she peeled for cash, 10 long years ago, and she knows her schtick about going back to school is load of crap. She’ll strip for another couple of years, making 1/4 what the younger girls make, and then have to settle for a waitress job at Denny’s. Uncle Hardy realizes he made a mistake guilting his coworkers into inviting him along. He’s no less lonely and miserable, and now he’s sure he caught something that he is never going to be able to explain to his mother from this couch.
Uncle Hardy is yet to notice that she is wearing the watch his mother gave him on his 30th birthday.
.
And he will feel too guilty to ask for it back when he does.
I would gladly give the shirt off my back to either of these two sad sacks so that they could cover up and look less miserable. My only regret is that I only have one shirt to give.
I must disagree with those that say Uncle Hardy is unhappy. Au contraire. I say this is the happiest he has ever been and the happiest he’ll ever be. A woman is actually touching him in a somewhat gentle way. Not slapping him for pooing his pants again, not shoving him forward by his shoulders because he peed the bed again and is being forced into the shower. No, this is not one of those Nurse Ratchet types who makes him feel bad every time he gets the least bit excited while watching American Idol in the group room. Sure, her level of disdain is proportional to her station in life, but Uncle Hardy remains blissfully unaware. And the fact that he’s celebrating that he count to 2 on the seventh try fills his pathetic little heart with even more gladness. So hat on you fuccen hatters. Just stop shitting on Uncle Hardy’s parade and telling him that it’s raining cats and dogs.
You know its come full circle when we offer more pity than rage. I just want to give this guy a noogie and talk (listen to him ramble) Lord of the Rings with him.
Where have all the douchbags gone?
He Just Bangs A Real Doll And Eats Corn Dogs
.
.
Patton Oswalds
its a not particularly demanding fetish, but only certain women were cut out for the high dollar ho/wears a man’s watch scene.
“My name’s Jeffy and I like apples!”
He looks like a Republican.
^Jeffy likes apples. Heh.
Rainman.
I’m surprised he was let in. Wonder how much he had to bribe the door guy.
Ugly Fat Fuck…Improbably Hot Wife….
.
.
.
I smell a SitCom pilot here!
.
.
King of Queens
@ Wedgie 10:29 am –
.
I sent it ground; as you know the distance from Mississippi via Memphis to your home town is about the same distance from here to Uranus.
.
It’ll be aged more at least…
.
.
and FYI…You razor-slit the wax seal, tinkle, then heat-gun the slit closed again.
.
Don’t tell RevChad. It’s better this way. Trust me.
.
And if you REALLY don’t get it (DAMN YOU UPS AND YOUR REFUSAL TO SHIP AUDIBLY-SLOSHING-FLAMMABLE-GOODS FROM STATES WITH STRICT LAWS AGAINST MAILING OR RECEIVING ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES) lemme know and I’ll simply send ya a half C-note.
.
Or send it to Reverend. Canada uses dollars, right?
.
And rest assured if it was poached by some dishonest UPS driver, he has my peen product coating his esophagus now.
.
.
Boot-Leggers.
Peen Product Coaters, band name.
PPC yo.
^Jeah…down like Dole’s Dick