Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Hot Chick with Sarah Jessica Parker

Yeah, it’s Wednesday and I got nuthin’.

Time for your humble narrator to head to the kitchen, pile up a Turkey and Swiss, and down it with a Mr. Pibb and a tasty side dish of still-in-production Hostess Cherry Pie.

And a gander at a pear chomp suckle boobie hottie suckle thigh don’t hurt neither.

Beat that last sentence, Homi Bhabha.

Coleman Goes to Vegas

Between Coleman’s eyeliner and Suzy’s lack of sandwich consumption, lets just move on.

Mickey The Polyp Buys Savannah A Drink and Shames Her Ancestors

Lessie… count ’em.

Greasytracks, chin fung, Jesus bling, stupid face, moob shirt, all make Mikey the Polyp a retched excuse for Jerz Guid.

Savannah’s taught leather dress calls for feline metaphors and a vat of Crisco.

Yonder hills are filled with helium and shame.

Gro?

Wristdannas for the societal punch-in-the-nads.

Ask DB1: Pre-Grieco Viral Infectors?

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DB1,

– Dan

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Excellent question Dan, and yes, there are many pre-modern viral progenitors to the Grieco Virus, although none so fully cohesive as the Grieco Itself.

One example would be Schneider the pedophile janitor from ABC’s long-running sit-nanity, One Day At a Time. Protobaggery at its worst.

Timmy Wins!

Thank you, God!

Svenhead is a Boobie Sensor

Warning: Svenhead should not be used in the presence of heavy machinery. If you experience a Svenhead lasting more than four hours, be sure to consult your doctor. Svenhead should not be taken after eating Italian food. Svenhead does, however, enjoy melons.

Coldplay Sucks

I have never liked the band Coldplay.

Preening Aryan Chris Martin’s musical pablum is generic chord vomit, a eugenics based fascist musical regurgitation of melodic spew. A computer program of inoffensive “hit” generation. If A$=minor chord, print “emotions sway like ecstasy.”

But is Chris Martin a douche?

So far, no. With Rock Star Leniency combined with his apparent refusal to spectacle himself into a clown like compatriots like Gavin Rossdale, along with his apparent responsible dad skills, means I can only hate the game and not the player.

Which pisses me off.

I’m watchin’ you, generic fraud for the millennial set. Your teenage weepsterbation is a societal crime. And it shall not pass.

Caption This Pic

Kelly was shocked to discover that the aroma of ‘roid sweat did not mix well with Tequila.

HCwDB of the Week: The Scruffwad and Jenny Milkshake

Last week we had Herpsters and Fungwadius. Another appearance of orange legend, The Cheeto Man. We had Wittgensteinian philosophy and He Da Bes.

We even had a touring Assikus Anonymous. Which you should never do before eating.

But no coupling was more real world rancid than the Scruffwad and Jenny Milkshake.

For making me want to punch a baby seal in the uvula, they’se the last coupling for the upcoming HCwDB of the Month next week.

But now, your hungover narrator cleans up the Ubiquitous Red Cups over by the Alpaca feed after last night’s Oscars festivities, and enjoys a tasty Pop Tart.