Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Moose Is A Rocker

Doe Eyed Jenny (from upstate Connecticut) knows this, because Moose makes the “Rocker Horns” hand gesture.

And, by definition, that means that Moose is a punk rocker now.

Boobnote

I think we can safely guess that it’s not “B flat!!”

Get it?!?

Because… B flat!!

Ahaha… hah… heh… uhm….

I need a coffee.

Clayton Runs With The Goose

And somewhere in suburban Wichita, a lonely grackle chokes forlornly on a cigarette butt.

‘Happy Valentine’s Day,” says the grackle.

Gabana Boy Ignores Boobs to Point at You

Heavy is the wrist that wears the Six Pound Watch.

Not Peaches

There is only one Peaches.

But since your humble narrator is amped up on caffeine and tasty processed flavored sugar snack cakes, lets all celebrate some random pear:

Industrial Farming Pear

Because I’m generous like that.

One Word Tuesday

Nair.

Z Has More Money Than You

Fading splotches of dyed douche hair remind the world that Z will spend Aunt Thelma’s trust fund on expensive yacht parties until the proletariat drag him out from his castles and strip-tar and feather him for being an undeserving puke like, deep down, he knows he deserves.

Six pound watches and white parties for the aristocratic loss.

I don’t judge Marcie for doing what she has to do to get through nursing school. But really, I don’t judge her because I’m too busy theoretically poking side boob with a stale breadstick while greasing myself up with crisco and dancing the Watusi.

Roadie Freddie Gets Ready

Rock steady.

Chinstrap McAdams Buys Kelly and Ashley a Mai Tai

Don’t look now ladies, but Chinstrap McAdams is about to get cozier.

Lithe Blonde Kelly may be fierce, and I may be slightly intimidated, but I would still pooch sparkle. Oh yes. Like a winter gardenia pancake, I would flapjack those boogie board roller derbies like a disco gajinga bell smackle.

Many of those words may not be words in the strictest sense. But boobs.

HCwDB of the Week: The Uberbros and Pear Alice

While the violent wretchitude of Biker Mike Asshatsky and Bartender Hottie Heather would’ve been enough to win (lose) in a normal week, last week was not a normal week.

There was Champagne Katie barely losing out on the Hall of Hott (rules state about a 75% yea vote for entrance).

There was the uberhottness of Beach Cheryl and Mayan Eye of Coitus Suzanne.

There was Awkward Hair Kiss and the tomfoolery of Foolio’s Crotch.

Thatssa lotta HCwDB.

But in the end, is there anything more mock worthy than Uberbro Uberfaux and tasty Pear Chomp?

While that was a hypothetical textual inquiry, you are still allowed to verbally say “no” in response.

Chalk ’em up, Dano. And the DB1 for ‘Puffs.