Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Ask DB1: Sports Competition and Doucheyness

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Hey db1,

Douche of Arabia

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Performative Leniency Rule absolutely does not cover the ‘bag shirtwear. “Get Some” shirts, or any other sort of idiotic pumped-up slogan, is autobag.

So let it be written.

So let it be done.

Narm

Your scrubbley narrator is well shorn and back in misty Los Angeles. Lotssa pics in the hamper this week for hottie/douchey deconstruction. So lets do this thing.

Oh, and Narm.

Sven Pumper Approves of the HCwDB of the Week

Sven Pumper and his Gaggle of Teutonic Hotts approve of the HCwDB of the Week with a hearty chant of “Sie ist sehr gut!” followed by an invigorating discussion of genetic hierarchy, the importance of eugenics-based sterilizations of the undesirables as defined by the Norse Gods of Aryan legend.

HCwDB of the Week: Sleepy Jerkenstein and Cindy

There was no doubt which toxic cohabit was enough to flyswat an innocent Northwestern Tree Badger in the gonadal region.

Sleepy Jerkenstein not only wants to share trivial facts with you, as tattooed on his eyelds, but he pollutes the purity of bongo thigh cuddle that is a phantasmic bikini clad imagined Cindy who giggles in the pool and then climbs out and says, “Hi Brad… you know how cute I always thought you were.”

As Wheezer so astutely pointed out in the comments thread, Sleepy Jerkenstein and Cindy also contributing to this future award winning HCwDB artwork, “Innocence and Poo Face.”

That being said, The Unholy Pear Fondle is an HCwDB award winning collision of image detritus in its own right. In a normal week, it would’ve won (lost). But not against Sleepy J.

Other pics of note, Vazquez and the Pear, Tony Cappacino’s oldbaggery, The Lion, The Witch and the Fung, and our discussion of the Pabst Blue Ribbon Herpster Complex.

But there was no taking down the Sleepy and the Cindy. Awful, awful wrongness.

Your humble narrator flies back to smoggy Los Angeles on cheap party bus limo airline, Virgin America.

Origins of the word "Douchebag"

Booger was a visionary, far ahead of his time and place.

Comment of the Week: Doucheywallnuts

The on-fire-in-2012 ‘bag hunter and Hall of Mock enshrinee Doucheywallnuts wins another CotW with this epic takedown of Oldbaggery in the Tony Cappaccino thread:

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This is a photo of Skinny D’Amato, he of the famous ass punch. He went into the witness protection program 15 years ago with the new name of Corky Callahan. He had been doing work for the Scarfo crime family out of Philly and was a major enforcer in Atlantic City when the Feds caught up to him.

Skinny moved out to Scottsdale where he opened an exotic bird and fish store under his new identity, and stopped punching guys in the ass. Yep that’s I’m alright.

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Thassa spicy meatball. Good work DW.

Friday Thoughts and Links

Your humble narrator wanders the streets of eerily warm Boston. Avoiding the Massholes.

Oggling collegiate hotts that wander among the downtown wide colonial streets like so many displaced gazelles.

Fratbags abound on the T.

Bostondouche is a distinct subset of the larger New England Clam Choader.

It is the home of my youth, and the home that I fled for larger pastures in NYC the moment I turned 18.

And so it goes, as Vonnegut told us. And so it goes.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB Musical Pick of the Week: “If you wanna be profound, if you really gotta justify, take a breath and look around, a lot of folks deserve to die! “

A reader submits this pic of the ‘bag parties going on at the South by Southwest festival. A wretched hive of douche and herpstery.

For the few of you who missed it last week, The Kony2012 filmmaker guy is a masterbatory herpsterbag.

Awful Tatts. Still out there. Still an affront to the Torah.

With the inexplicable success of the 21 Jump Street remake, The Unholy Grieco is back in the news.

Michael Bay: Hollydouche.

The Ab Revealing copycat of HCwDB’s 2007 sensation, The Ab Lobster, The Jersey Shore’s “The Situation,” may or may not be in drug rehab.

Best wishes to the great Jerry Lewis, who celebrated his 86th birthday last week. My life will not be complete until I am able to see Lewis’s 1972 unreleased film, The Day the Clown Cried.

But you are not here for creepy early 1970s urban legend garish and trite filmic reductions of Holocaust trauma. You are here for Pear:

Artistic Muscle Pear

Go forth and celebrate. For Pear is here.

Vazquez Says, "Mucho Buena Assplaso!!"

I sorta like Vazquez. Hell, it’s Friday. Have a nottadouche and a goinpeace.

Friday Haiku

Hark! Beldar ConeHead

Consuming mass quantities

Of Goose and Valtrex

Frank will demonstrate

With Kim his new “Butt Juicer”

Sit and spin on head

— saulgoode42

Vegas offers odds

That bandana hides bald spot

Even money bet

— Charles Nelson Douchely

Bandana covers

odd dome, pinstripe suit hides moobs

Bleeth hides dad issues

— Capt. James T. Douche

Pinky’s dress so short

another inch and the world’s her

gynecologist

— SonnyChibaChoad

With no money left

After buying watch. Brett quit the

Rogaine. Wears bad lamp.

— The Reverend Chad Kroeger

The message is clear

This douchebag needs an ass punch

An ass punch, I says

— Doucheywallnuts

Sleepy Jerkenstein Shares Knowledge With Cindy

“Did you know that every time you lick a stamp you’re consuming 1/10th of a calorie?”