Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Abra Cadaver

In witness of the Abra Cadaver brothers peacocking display of bumpitude, the Sophie Sisters momentarily considered the majestic nature of the great fjords of the Germanic hinterland that haunts the collective unconscious. But the moment was fleeting. And thoughts quickly returned to Appletinis and daddy issues.

Ed Hardy and the Bleething of a Supermodel

For those hotts who have not heeded the warning I outlined in my book describing the Grieco/Bleeth path, let the tragic tale of Ed Hardy supermodel Simone Farrow offer yet another reminder.

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An Australian swimsuit model accused of being the boss of a global drugs ring — and wanted for fleeing $150,000 bail — was arrested after almost a month on the run.

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Hmmm… Australian barristers and flamboyant doctors. Whom has this suckle pooch been cohabiting with?

Farrow herself explains the toxic role of HCwDB cohabit in aiding her downfall:

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“I’ve been in … relationships with numerous underworld figures or whatever you want to call them and I feel that maybe they feel threatened by my situation,” she told The Sunday Telegraph.

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Here, we call them ‘bags.

Let this be a warning: Hotts who wear Ed Hardy are on the road to Bleethdom.

'Stachey Keach and the Bronzer Twins Approve of the HCwDB of the Week

You know what cures lupus?

‘Stache.

HCwDB of the Week: The Lickwipe and Sexy Poochtickle Trina

Your humble narrator continues his New York adventures to mock all things choadal, and covet the purity of the milkshake suckle thigh.

Little known fact, the working title for Raiders IV was actually “Indiana Jones and the Purity of the Milkshake Suckle Thigh.” Or at least it should’ve been.

Nuked fridge my ass.

This week’s winning/losing coupling was not a hard choice at all. Although there was legit options. The Beachbongery of the Comment of the Week, Frooey Buttafuco, the spike of Shmuckholio, Joseph’s Amazing Technicolor Pukecoat, and, of course, Mozo the Asian Zen Philosopher.

Thassa lotta choadalpuke.

Meanwhile Wee Willy Crimson has gone straight to the Closet of Poo. Do not pass Go. Do not collect carcinoma.

But there can be only one coupling. And one it is. The DB1 for raspberry pancakes.

Wonka (Remix)

No douchebags on this Sunday, just a bit of remix goodness.

Comment of the Week: Baron Von Goolo

The legendary undead and vampiric Baron Von G discusses Crazy Eyes Karen and wins the coveted HCwDB of the Week:

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If the eyes are the window to the soul, CEKaren’s window is narrowed and barred, allowing only a dim shaft of dusty light to illuminate the dank stone room where her shattered dreams huddle in a corner, weeping softly to an audience of centipedes and daddy issues. Or maybe she’s just had too much Red Bull.

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Friday Thoughts and Links

If there’s one stain that I find hardest to get off my shoes after a vigorous round of street pilates, it’s Aging Rocker Choad.

I’ve read that lemon juice and yak spittle helps to get the grime of failed teenage dreams off one’s shoe after stepping into the residue of years of mediocre bar gigs and unpaid medical bills. And no, momentary affections from Giggle Kelly will not rescind the dark voices of fear that Aging Rocker Choad’s cold and distant Father was correct after all.

Your humble narrator prowls the streets of New York City with wandering eye of boobie hottie suckle thigh, East Coast Librarian Hott edition.

Burgers and weight gain are on the weekend agenda.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB French DVD Pick of the Week: “It’s an amazing thing really, when you think about it, we learn life’s most important lessons from TV.”

This week in douche-trends: Mantyhose! Or, as the kids call it, ‘Brosiery.’

Maureen Dowd, the always hip and cutting edge editorial writer at the New York Times, gets down with the kids and jumps on the “What’s Wrong with Men?” bandwagon.

Epic Fail blog brings the Moob Fail.

For those who haven’t seen this, visionary director Sam Gavite takes us behind the scenes of a “Skweezy Jibbs” video shoot.

Vegas brings the herpster subtext into the text.

In Russia, Transvestite Vampire Douche Freaks ‘bag hunt you!

Duckface: The Race for the Cure

But you are not here for Duckface Cure. Well, perhaps you are. But you are also here for Pear. And so Pear shall be:

Mayan Eye of Coitus Pear

Go forth and celebrate the Ides of Jane March.

Froey Buttafucco

What’s that?…

In the distance…

That strange buzzing noise…

Why… it’s a Blueberry Snot Pie!!

And it’s whizzing… right… towards… Winkolio’s face…

SPLAT!!

I would chew through legion of intertwined dancing licorice koalas just for the chance to softly rub the childhood blankie of the Malaysian seamstress who helped vulcanize the rubber that produced Lindsey’s taut boobal sweat. And then I would repose with a port wine, and read her Chaucer.

Friday Haiku

Every one of us

Has a little douche in them;

Including these girls.

A midget sandwich

Is always unappealing

Even with bleeth bread

— Doucheywallnuts

Banishment from the

Lollipop Guild turned Herman

to the douchey side.

— Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche

Asian Jill is blazed

Pam’s clearly drunk; while Jim’s like,

“Where my shorties at?!”

— saulgoode42

wee man’s pick up line:

“I was an ewok, baby”

blondie thinks, “why not?”

— Douche Springsteen

Somewhere in the scaffolds

Johnny Knoxville prepares to

Let go a brown shower.

— The Reverend Chad Kroeger

At the Star Wars Wrap

Ewoks go Berserk with Booze!

There was just one pint.

— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt

"Innocence and Poo Face"

A solid entrant for the 2012-era period of HCwDB found art aesthetics that will eventually find celebration in my triumphant exhibit at the Guggenheim Museum in 2023.