Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Comment of the Week: Doucheywallnuts

The great Douchey W. was on a tear this week, and wins the coveted Comment of the Week with this simple defense of the Rat Pack in the Sheboygan thread:

—–

The Rat Pack never hung with the porn biz schevotzes. Although Sammy was known to pop the eye out after he had had one too many Manichevitz’s. Another point of note, he did not share the gift that his people are known for, if you catch my drift. And I ain’t talkin’ about his sense of rhythm.

—–

The debate about potential Rat Packbaggery began in last week’s discussion of historical proto-douches, but let me set the record straight: The Rat Pack was never douchey. Ever. Partying in Vegas, perhaps. Scoring tons of ladies, most definitely. Alcoholism and too much red meat? Absolutely. None of which is douchey.

50s douchebaggery locates in the greasers, mods, and rockers. Not the Rat Pack.

So let it be written. So let it be done.

Friday Thoughts and Links

Fwippy glasses make Douchetacula a particularly foul fowl in presence of Rachel the Tiny Red Bull Hott.

Enough to rankle my cupcakes on a Friday.

And by rankle my cupcakes, I mean torture my soul like a thousand psychoanalytic Torquemadas armed with pins, matchsticks, and Perry Como records.

No idea what I’m saying anymore.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB Mid 20th Century British Play of the Week: “We had lots of fun, him and me. Being alive, just being alive. That’s enough for an old girl like me. Chewing the cud and having a little of what you fancy.”

Class

Pervy Mugshots from the early 1920s

Remember Snoopy’s brother, Spike? Kinda awesome that a depressed, alienated, stoner hippie wandered into a comic strip.

In 1952, Ernest Hemingway John Steinbeck said everything there is to say about the process of writing.

Do Not Juge Him. Only God will Juge him.

Here’s your Pear:

Discount Macy’s Sofa Pear

It is 25% off if you use your Macy’s card.

Pop Quiz

Pop Quiz time, kids:

Is a stupid scripty chest tatt enough, by itself, to mark autodouche in presence of Perfect Hot Bod Milkshake Kayla?

A. Yes

Answer now!

Friday Haiku

Michael Bay – King Douche

Pitches concept to Tyson:

“Mike’s Wong Wife Choithes”

Her hair’s gone afro

Since the gyroscope was put

In her monkey hole.

— The Reverend Chad Kroeger

Interracial date

In bizarre love triangle;

John Largeman is watching.

— Douche Springsteen

Number one salesman

At Vegas Bling convention

Wins Mike “Meet and Greet”

— Vin Douchal

Mike Tyson’s next bout

Wynn’s All You Can Eat Buffet

He’ll be champ again

— Magnum Douche P.I.

Baybag blows shit up

Tyson bag blows career up

Douchery never ends

— Capt. James T. Douche

“To Wong Fu, With Love

Needed way more explosions!”

Cocaine-ramble-mouth.

— Douche Wayne

Mike was wife-beater,

can we hope he becomes a

douche beater as well?

— Morbo

Sometimes It's All Just a Big Pile Of Flush

I know intellectually that Mindy Perkenboobs deserves a better level of mock than this post is providing. Her Cleavite does not deserve poke by “Ultimate Steel Pound Machine,” the winner of last Fall’s Battle of the Bands at Decatur High School.

But I can’t summon the mock today. Sorry, Mindy. I will, however, masticate uponst your grandmother’s discarded doily that once briefly brushed your thigh area while changing for swim practice.

Sheboygan HCwDB Is Not Really That Impressive

You want fancy douchebaggery in presence of hot chick in rural Wisconsin? They can’t even get cable TV there.

Pec Wings

Still out there.

Still pissing in the Dalai Llama’s cornflakes.

But on my deathbed, I will achieve total consciousness. So I got that going for me.

The Breitbart Dies

Two weeks ago, the raging gasbag known as the Breitbart was our Honorary Douchebag of the Month.

Now he’s dead.

I try not to make sarcastic cracks about the recently deceased, especially those with kids. But I’ll reserve mourning for those who deserve it.