Thursday, April 26, 2012
Reader Mail: Someone Named Cream
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Dear douchebag1,
At first I wasn’t sure whether the douche was strong enough, as there was merely smug doucheface, finger point and sunglasses at night, in the presence of raven haired, olive skinned hott.
I persisted and followed the trail, stumbling across sunglasses in dimly lit bar, neck bling, and a virtual eyetrap of finger point.
The cherry on the cake comes in discovering that middle douche is none other than USA RAP STAR CREAM, made famous by this video cobbled together of clips from actual famous people’s videos.
– Docile
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Nothing says “rap star” like 263 views on Youtube.
The two “likes” on the video are clearly (1) Cream and (2) Desire (featured).
I’m hoping the contributor is one of the five “dislikes” (ok make that 6 now).
I have learned two things from watching that video:
1) I have a raging boner and will be thinking of young bodies all day.
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2) Dante’s allegory in the Divine Comedy is a parallel of booty culture.
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3) If the Senators don’t win tonight I’m going golfing at twilight rates for the next two months.
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Son
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A music video that features lots of hot girls shaking their barely-clad asses at the camera? What an original idea!
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.Who says creativity is dead?
Mrs Wallnuts walked in on me as I was viewing this epic video. I turned to her and says, “See how purple it gets when I squeeze it.”
One word Thursday.
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Turgid
Infringement
Plagarizers
Cream
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Stoned
Not only is Cream plagos, at first I thought this was a pic of cRap Star Pitbull. Hey Cream, do you have any ideas of your own or is your next “hit” going to be about how you cannot deny the fact that you enjoy plump behinds on the ladies?
I haven’t seen so much ass shaking since I worked vice in the Copacabana bairro of southern Rio.
And seeing yesterdecade Christina Aguilera ass reminded me that none of us are getting any younger. But since I’m still younger than most of you its not as depressing for me as it is for you guys.
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Whippersnatcher
Twerk
^Ah yes, I remember when Aguilera was Maxim’s sexiest woman. Now she looks like someone made a hasty sculpture of a baked potato using bacon grease. I guess not everyone can grow old and then kick off with dignity like Audrey Hepburn (<- respect).
Incredible, Phenomenal, Insanely Creative, but enough about me, let’s talk about this discarded ass poop stain that lives on the bottom of my loafer.
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He has the dancing talent of Stephen Hawking, the singing ability of Helen Keller, and the visual appeal of Carrot Top.
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I was certainly surprised at the number of people that have actually viewed the video, although, I suspect the majority of those views came from HCWDB Regs.
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I would rather watch the Three Stooges movie again, than sit through that train-wreck.
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This is proof positive that the world is coming to an end, look out for zombies.
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Thanks DB1,
ASvB
Unless you happen to be rockin’ it out old school with your mates Clapton, Baker, and Bruce, I humbly submit that Cream is an unsuitable musical name. It sounds more like the name of a famous gay porn bottom.
This guy shouldn’t be called “Cream” , he should be called, “Non-Dairy Coffee Lightener”. What a piece of work. And by work I mean cashing the EBT card in at the indian casino cashier’s cage for red chips
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Rappers are talentless twits, musically.
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Sometimes, like a third grader at recess, they can slap together a funny rhyme or some profound, although grammatically ignorant take on life as a poor child in a racist/squalid/crime ridden existence
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Then there’s fuccen Flo Rida
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I’d like Telly Savalas to walk into frame and give Rap * Cream the lollypop jab in the eye he so deserves.
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Then walk out of frame with Raven Oliveskin on his arm.
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Who loves ya baby?
@Vin, rappers don’t write music, they spit rhymes. Gah! And there are good ones out there that lay down solid imagery with their words. Ex: Mos Def (or whatever he calls himself now), J. Dilla and old school Dre to name a few. It takes actual talent to be good though. Which is why Cream here is gonna have to gargle Cream Pies on the reg to get any legitimate air time.
Flo Rida has exposed young skate culture to Etta James. Skate culture returned the favor by finding the original rip-off redo sample of her song by another name to groove to man. Fuck off Flo Rida! No Hatter! Rad Man. Gnarly.
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Old, Old, Skate Culture
@ Nancy
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That’s why I put that Flo Rida video there. I dig that dude. Also I think Eminem is a very talented performer, his subject matter is a wee bit grim though. The rest? Meh
Flo Rida. Florida. So clever.
The ham betrays the melancholy with diplomatic mastication. Can it be, Escobar, that the cannoli breeds with artistic aplomb? Ziggurats and marmosets betray liquidity in digital rectum.
That is some serious wisdom there, Tall Bott. You know your ham and cannolli.
@tall guy, wait, what? I wish I could understand you. Listen, I think it would be easier for me to get what you’re trying to say if you would maybe get laid or something. I think we would all benefit from you going a few rounds with some hard up Sheilas. Then come back in here and give us the deets like a real man.
^that was me. Stupid real computer.
Never heard of him, won’t remember him.
That video is so weak,and poorly edited by someone in the porn industry.
Crap Rules Everything Around Me
Rev Chad, sorry Man,,,,Tortorella has had the Rangers playing above their actual level all summer.