Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

The Memorial Day BBQ You're Glad You Didn't Attend

As the wise philosophers known as 3rd Bass once remarked:

’tis always ‘nother day that ‘ere Gas Face could be experienced. When not experienced, bow thine head in solemn prayer and give thanks. For Vishnu has forgiven, and the Boobie Hottie Sunrise of ‘ere tomorrow awaits. But when Gas Face is warranted, give thine enemies the Gas Face.

Sweater Man Twists

There’s nothing wrong with this guy other than some bad 80s J.C. Penny and his penchant for embarrassing Vanessa.

In fact, Sweater Man, like Cheeto Man before him, may bat for the home team. So lets wish him well with a notta and a goinpeace, even if his face is kinda creepin’ me out.

Time for a Lookinforcosmopear chaser.

Karl's White Shoes

There are many things wrong with Karl’s “Standard Douchebag Circa 2007” Look.

The matching white shoes and white belt are one of them. The smug sense of entitlement during a recession is another.

Karl’s blatant disregard for attending classes after enrolling in DeVry’s continuing education to become a refrigerator “technician” despite his Aunt Tutti’s will stating that she would pay for full tuition should he attend is yet another.

Kelly is what the French call “Le Buerre Visage.” Kelly was the hottest girl at the Iowa State Fair last night. Which says more about Iowa than it does about Kelly.

Willie Peaman Loves White Chicks and Ed Hardy Hats, But Not Necessarily in That Order

His name is Willie. Willie Peaman.

Where's Young Philip Seymour Hoffman?

Somewhere in this lineup of creepy Germanic runners, I’ve carefully hidden a Young and Douchey Philip Seymour Hoffman .

Look closely.

Can you age thirty years in ten years?

The Greasepitz Are Always Happy

The Greasepitz.

Still out there.

Still Orange.

Still tattooing sanskrit prayers on their pec muscles.

Sorority Hott Hawaiian Tropic Hannah deserves better. Especially for offering Sheen Cleavite hint of boobie suckle.

Caption This Pic

Teutonic Aryan Douche Cyborg THX-69 began to malfunction early during the test phase, resulting in an inability to differentiate hot chick from rhesus monkey.

Infectious Rick Infects Connie Thong Pear Hott

Tetanus shots for everyone!

The BILF

Also known as “The Bleeth I’d like to Forcibly Lecture About Being a Bad Mother.” Wait, maybe that’s a “BILFLABABM.”

Wait, wasn’t Bilflababm one of the elves in Terry Brooks’s The Sword of Shannara?

Yeah, I got nothin’.

Except that baby doesn’t stand a chance. Awful tatts and a mediocre DJ career await.

Eminem's Turds

Eminem’s Turds crawled out of a Detroit bathroom stall long enough to embrace Marissa, make douche hand gestures, and approve of the HCwDB of the Week.

Then they were flushed.

And yeah, these pitnobs were on the site back in the day, but I’m way too drunk to remember the whose and whatnots. So f-it.

Mmm… Trader Joe’s Joe-Joes.