Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

HCwDB of the Week: Steve and Corona Hott

With Sonya already in the Hall of Hott, Jesus bling tatts and Tiny Dancer Smile cohabit is our winner (loser).

And your humble narrator for Corn Pops.

Happy Memorial Day!

From all of us here at HCwDB. And by all of us, I mean those who like to mock shifty-eyed platinum choadwinks, and are willing to buy their hot chick a drink provided it’s under ten dollars.

May you pensively reflect on those who have gone before us to form this great Nation on this Memorial Day. Or around the world. Unless you live in one of the countries we invaded for no reason. In which case, I apologize that half this country are a bunch of half-baked maroons.

And may you find Spiritual Pear awaiting you as a reward from the Buddha God Head for such spiritual work.

Jersey Shore Shark Attack

Just when you thought it was safe to watch the SyFy Channel…

Comment of the Week: The Reverend Chad Kroeger

In helping to anoint our newest member of the sacred Hall of Hott, Sonya, with prose of celebratory purity boobie hottie suckle thigh, The Rev. wins the coveted Comment of the Week:

———–

With only 299 of my nearest acquaintances, I would fight Xerxes of the H.M.H. (Heathen Moslim Horde) and 500K of his goat blasters for the chance to be dragged 100 miles dehydrated in the Sahara sun to bleed on the glass her one female ancestor left as they fled from Old Jerusalem with no weapons but hair blowers and extension cords. For the chance only that I may hear a recording of her voice on Victrola with my Grandmother’s ghost whispering ” Please don’t listen.” As I listen on the phone to her sighs of ignorance as I take my dying breath sucking on a nipple.

—————-

And no, there ain’t no vote. When a future ex-Mrs.-DB1 makes her pre-librarian divorce hott purity appearance, the Hall is enshrined with ostrich tickle.

Friday Thoughts and Links

Creepy Crustacean Bros continue to haunt America’s young chicas, and what’s Obama done about it? Nothing! Nothing I tells you.

Where’s Dick Cheney when you need him. With a buckshot to the doucheface.

Yeppers.

Your humb narrs is all sorts of itchy and irritated today.

Too many Hollywood battles to recount. Some good, some great, some a flying pile of rotten euro-pie in the face of the Godhead.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB Pick of the Somewhat Depressing Great Work of Groundbreaking Graphic Novel: “Friends? Your friends? If you lock them together in a room with no food for a week…Then you could see what it is, friends!…”

Worst. Tattoo. Ever. (NSFW)

Maxim’s Hot 100 has Semitic Boobie Tickle Pooch Spackle Suckle Thighs at #1 and #3.

The always ahead-of-the-curve city of San Francisco debuts Sausage-Fest Fighting Bar Software. Or, as they used to call them, “bouncers.”

I often discover HCwDB’s influence in surprising places. RIP big guy. We still miss you.

Reader Et Tu Douche? tags a Goose Car.

Tanning Mom still burnt. Still from Jersey.

Arizona continues to rapidly devolve into the second most useless, ignorant, ass-backwards and pathetic state in the union (Texas holding strong at #1).

After Herpsters… “Chappies”?

You are here for Pear:

Mmmm… Hypertoned Aryan Longjump Pear… but that’s not the pear we speak of… for it is

Table Pear

Little known fact, the 13th Century Sephardim included Table Pear on their Passover seder plate. It represented the pillows of our forefathers, who were denied boobie hottie suckle thigh by Pharoah.

Or whateves. Go forth and have fun tonight.

Douche Parking

Even Londoners are getting in on the mock.

Friday Haiku

“I guess I could double

His fat, salt and carb intake”,

Jan sulked to herself…

All of Tony’s loot

Wasn’t enough to keep Jan

From boning his son

— saulgoode42

One million dollars

Each time I let this fat ass

On top of me. Woo!

— The Dude

This is what happens

When one wants to be the next

Anna Nicole Smith

— Charles Nelson Douchely

Money can’t buy love

But it can make a fat guy

Rich in blowies, Sons.

— Pooch Spackle

The remembers the

First time he mounted her. Her

Mons Pubis was crushed.

— v

Hide the Viagra

She thinks as he palms her ass

Holding back vomit

— Doucheywallnuts

She bangs really hard

Trying to loosen the stints

Heart bypass gold mine

— Vin Douchal

Money can’t buy love

But it can buy a tank top

that hides man teats. Hint.

— Pooch Spackle

Ahab did it wrong:

Best way to catch great white whale –

Spear him with whorepoon.

— Sir Huddleston Fuddleston

800 Euros

Buys you a Moldovan girl

Keep passport in safe

— Ich verstehe sie ist heiß

'Bag / Nottabag: Ed "Too Tall" Bones

What say you? ‘Bag? ‘Notta? I’m probably going with notta. Ed “Too Tall” Bones seems like the best cooler to ever work at the Double Deuce.

Mmm… oh Kelly Back Arch. How your soft pillows arch with distening glew in the Vegas morn. I poke and prod each one with a willow branch to observe skin tautage, and then whimper in a laundry basket for Gozer the Destroyer’s fire and brimstone promises, before softly slipping into a REM sleep dream about butterfly fly swatter butt slapping the Patriots Cheerleading Team.

Grinny Vinnie Scores Sonya

The real question, of course, is what text did Background Jake just receive?

Smarmy Moe

Smarmy Moe: Challo! Do you like my Corsican accent? It is like the Dos Equis Man, no?

Kimberly: Who?

Smarmy Moe: You know, the Most Interesting Man in the World?

Kimberly: Who?

Smarmy Moe: Would you like to touch my peen later?

Kimberly: What?

Smarmy Moe: I’m referring to intercourse.

Kimberly: Inter-what?

Smarmy Moe: Nevermind. Another Cosmo?

Kimberly: (giggling) Sure!

And… scene.