Reader Mail: "Get Your Weekly Dose"
Choad the Douche Sprocket writes in with a lament from Vegas:
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Dear DB1:
Now that summer is nigh, Las Vegans are forced to look at this constant, invasion of douche-i-tude on virtually every billboard within a mile of the Strip.
The tag line reads “Get Your Weekly Dose.” It should read: Get Your Weekly Dose of Douchebaggery, because from May 1st until the end of September, Vegas becomes the epicenter of pud, the vortex of vapidness, and the axis of affrontery to all that is thoughtful and tasteful in the world. (The stench of pool poo gets even worse in July and August — the “bargain months.” Then, every low-rent, slack-jawed, knuckle dragging rube within a 500 mile radius descends on our hotels like crazed, roided out houseflies swarming to shit.)
You know these things, of course. Your legions of ‘bag hunters know them too…but sometimes we feel the need to remind everyone that we are on the front lines of this battle, and that stupidity is a relentless foe.
Depressingly yours,
– Choad the Douche Sprocket
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“Stupidity is a Relentless Foe” should be my epitaph, good work CtDS.
However, the “Get your weekly dose” jokes just kinda write themselves.
Get your weekly dose of penicillin, azithromycin, metronidazole and valacyclovir.
Get your weekly dose of “GRoooooooo”.
Get your weekly dose of hymen. cause we’re all out.
Get your weekly dose of italics.
Get your weekly does of mons pubis.
Get your weekly dose of nut butter.
Get your weekly dose of silicon.
Get Your Weekly Dose of penicillin.
Get your weekly dose of meaningless garish tattoos
Get your weekly dose of fail
Get your weekly dose of Brotein Barfs.
I’d like to second “Stupidity is a relentless foe” as a nice piece of writing CtDS.
Get your weekly dose of crotch itch
Get your weekly dose of 22 year old Douchebags splitting Jacks
Get your weekly dose of jaded, bikini-clad pool cocktail waitresses
Get your weekly dose of Plan B.
Get your weekly dose of GSR.
Get your weekly dose of crotch cooties
Get your weekly dose of Prep H.
Get your weekly dose of Vagisil®
Get your weekly dose of hammer toe
Get your weekly dose of shame
Get your weekly dose of Rohypnol
Get your weekly dose of raisin balls.
Get your weekly dose of Olestra shooters.
[2:49 pm, May 22
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Vin Douchal said…
Get your weekly dose of hammer toe]
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“Don’t touch this!”
Get your weekly dose of, “Get the fuck outta here!”
Get your weekly dose of scabies.
Get your weekly dose of boobie suckle. You’re right, crap really does write itself. Nice write up though Choad.
Get your weekly dose of tint, clit-like weenus.
Or tiny even
Get a dose of this thing.
This jew girl will not get one vote of hott But she thinks she’s hot. Well maybe one, but not from me.
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This is my first copy and paste job. I am 47 and my name is The Reverend Chad Kroeger and I am stoned
Yep Rev,,,thats the kinda material that makes the NY Post Newspaper (Ruppert Murdoch propaganda) when they arent bashing Obama or talking terror.
She is not hott, but her tits are i guess.
Get your daily dose of unadulterated, unwarranted, unyielding, unnecessary bullshit.
Get your weekly dose of HPV.
@Rev – she’s not my type, but it takes all types. Her employer had no business treating her like that. I hope she wins MILLIONS from them.
Get your weekly dose of despair.
Get your weekly dose of hepatitis C and desperation.
Get your weekly dose of orange.
Get your weekly dose of pathetic attempts at winning.
Get your weekly dose of over photographed people who can’t get enough of themselves.
Get your weekly dose of hair gel.
Come here to get your weekly dose of Stephanie. She’s like a bitchslap soup for the soul.
@rev, she’s not hot by a lot. And while I agree with Troy that her employer can’t abuse her the way she claims, I’m super suspicious. What kind of person standing up for their dignity bows to media pressure and spins 360 for the cameras while wearing a skin tight dress? That’s the time to say sorry folks, this is about NOT getting singled out for how you look. I smell cash grab.
That girl suing MUST be telling the truth. I mean, god is she is SO hot that it must have been bad for business and these days everyone is entitled to damages for the slights, and perceived slights, suffered. And if Gloria Allred is on the job, it can’t be a publicity stunt.
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Now if she said her employers told her to wear a bag on her head, I’d believe it. And support it.
Smeagle Pear?
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20597527,00.html
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If this copy and paste works, tomorrow I fly to Mt.Olympus to save the Greeks. By the power of Greyskull!
Get your weekly dose of buffet lines and self loathing.
“Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain.”
Ah yes. Las Vegas. Where family fun for everyone meets porn culture.
Damn you Rev Chad you got me hooked on the Mons Pubis now.