Thursday, May 24, 2012
Smarmy Moe
Smarmy Moe: Challo! Do you like my Corsican accent? It is like the Dos Equis Man, no?
Kimberly: Who?
Smarmy Moe: You know, the Most Interesting Man in the World?
Kimberly: Who?
Smarmy Moe: Would you like to touch my peen later?
Kimberly: What?
Smarmy Moe: I’m referring to intercourse.
Kimberly: Inter-what?
Smarmy Moe: Nevermind. Another Cosmo?
Kimberly: (giggling) Sure!
And… scene.
You want to fucc with your head big time? Read the above while listening to Meillassoux lecture on Melarme…
There are only two types of guys that wear nose rings: Barbary Pirates, and guys that lurk in bus station rest rooms fluttering their eyelashes at the dudes who come in to pee.
Kimberly has the thin lips, dull eyes, limp hair, and pallid complexion of an Albanian glory hole technician.
There seems to be some type of pink apocalypse taking place in the background.
Meanwhile that damned RevChad has me hooked on mons pubis because of his link a couple of posts back.
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Mons.
Mons is the new lost city of gold
Mons is the new Pear.
Kimberly’s off-kilter duck lips has made me vomit in my pants.
I’m hoping that glass they’re both holding onto intently contains Jonestown-Aid. Go towards the pink lights you two.
Her mons pubis is like long sobs of autumn violins which wound my heart with monotonous langour.
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He is “The Longest Douchebag”.
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Junos
Mons-umental DarkSock. Youve deMonstrated a keen eye for exceptional bikini hamster.
Okay obviously this place could use some new ideas to get it back to the site it used to be. Here’s what I’m thinkin’. Pull up a chair and let me rap at cha for a minute. Picture it, Hall of Mons. Wall to wall meat curtains my good men. We ran some preliminary tests with some focus groups (we=me and the neighbors cat, focus groups=the closing crew at Pizza Hut.) and the results are in. VagPear is very hot right now with the 18 to 33 year olds.
I zoomed in on Sock’s mons… well his pic anyway… and I saw god tap dancing with Sammy Davis Jr. while pantomiming the secret of the universe.
If you don’t end up doing that you could just go the alternate route and re-title this place 50ShadesofGay.com. Let’s be real, that’s where its headed unless we do something quick-like.
Speaking of focus groups:
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I think in this case the girl’s duck face is much appreciated.
All you hatters be crazy: big eyes, big nose, big breasts, brunette, pre-puckered — this girl’s got it all.
^if by got it all you mean herpes simplex A thru G, then yeah.
She looks like my interior decorator.
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He looks like something we found rotting behind the furnace.
@ Dude McC
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Are there multiple franchises in Albania that teach young girls how to be glory hole techs? If not, then I think we need to form a business plan and we should sign Kimberly here up as our “head” teacher. We could make hundreds I tells ya!
@Bunsen, I’m in. We should sign a Pareto partnership agreement. You put up 80% and take back 20% ownership.
i swear i recognize that girl from somewhere… but where… and in what capacity…?
@ Dude
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I’ll put up 80% in euros and get my 20% back in U.S.dollars. At least I break even that way, right?