Friday, June 15, 2012
Ask DB1: Adrien Brody's Herpsterism
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I bid you a good afternoon, DB1.
Interesting theory of how every herpster is a variation of Jason Schwartzmann. I think you can add another actor, and unsurprisingly, co-star of Jason Schwartzmann, to that list.
Please find attached a pic of Adrien Brody looking like every single Silverlake hipsterbag I’ve ever had the misfortune of laying my eyes on. Hot chick isn’t all that hot I realize, but I think the powerful douche aura surrounding Mr. Brody in this photo makes up for it.
Yours always in mock,
Douche Springsteen
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Brody is autobag. The statute of limitations for Rockstar Leniency given his Academy Award in Polanski’s “The Pianist” has expired. “Predators” negates all thespian leniency.
Herpster.
I think he’s a douche cuz his last name contains the word “Bro”.
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Basics
Sorry I meant to type Brosics. Stupid bath salt addiction.
Shave your fucking faces or grow full beards like Jesus and Dan Haggarty (respect) you cocksuckers! Fucking herpsters make me want to napalm my own freaking yard!
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Concise analysis Mr. Springsteen as always.
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And then there is this. Sweet fucking Tebus on a rope! Time to drink.
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^Gael García Bernal, notta douche. Panty pass granted.
Some ball players enhance their douchy behaviour with equally douchy facial hair. Yes, I’m talking to you, Luke the Puke
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The chick looks like a third grade teacher with droopy, sweaty cleavage and red, irritated ears from too much corn gluten.
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Zombie Chick looks to the heavens above for answers to life’s difficult questions, but finds only an uncaring God and broken ceiling tiles.
Again, I blame corn gluten.
This picture needs to become a meme. Someone send it to reddit. I can already picture the douche-meme. Him debating how free roaming chicken eggs taste better than caged chicken eggs. Assuming he isn’t vegan, of course.
If I weren’t so fucking lazy, I’d bother to defend A-Bro and urge notta.
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Notta day for such difficult work.
Steve, I raise a small flock of chickens who have access to six acres of grass and clover. I sell the surplus eggs to self-hating, guilt-ridden idealist who think they’re saving the world because the recycle cans and shit.
The truly free-range eggs do have a thicker consistency and are less watery than mass-production eggs and are far superior when used in baking. The taste difference is negligible.
I think he’s debating the pros and cons of anal bleaching using gluten free gluten in this photo.
I’ve never seen someone try so hard to look like a French street clown. He deserves a cannonball to the taint.
While I ain’t one to defend db’s, I give him a lifetime ‘Go in Peace’ because I spent a couple days with him in NYC, during 911, volunteering at Chelsea Piers (whole lotta sportodouchies go there) but during the mess and clean-up, it was a volunteer station and he didn’t pull any Sean Peanisms while helping out. Just saying. And Save Ferris.
Bernby, by Sean Peanisms do you mean three years of constant work helping the recovery in Haiti? boo
Two point five years. Sorry, my math is bad.
I also have some bad meth. I sympathize.
Corn Gluten, great name for a concept album, double vinyl. etc.
Saltsnorters