Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Esoteric Wednesday

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Octomom Meets the Loompadouche **1/2

Another tame film in the “Octomom” series, this half-baked 1953 snoozefest never brings the charm of the first in the series, “Octomom and the Stupid and Easily Gullible Reality Television Audience.” This entrant in the Octomom series tells the continuing story of the former reality television star, this time forced to do sleazy pornography and hang around with man-tanning orangoid muscle-building mutant douchebags in a last ditch attempt to cling to fame. The film’s political critique of Eisenhower-era nuclear anxiety is deft, and a comic sequence involing hair brushes, an out of control vacuum cleaner, and a vat of crisco, was quite suspenseful. But otherwise, a film to be avoided.

– Leonard Maltin, “1001 Movies About Octomoms and Douchebags” (Knopf Publishing, 2002)

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One Word Tuesday

Shorn.

Swamps of Boatbaggery Cascading Onto Shore

Environmentalists tell us our seas are repositories for swirling underwater garbage piles. Craptastic slush mounds of plastic waste and deadness.

And then there is above the water boatbaggery. Matching t-shirted frattools fondling the suckle thigh. Like human aglae fungusing the hopes and dreams of our poets and artisans.

The human equivalent.

All that can save us is Boatpear.

The Foreheadsman of the Apocalypse

Forehead studs for the societal loss.

Rachel’s doe eyes tell her father, uncle, and uncaring grandfather that she is never coming back to Omaha again.

Because, as Shakespeare once wrote, how can you go home to the farm after Carl Hungus?

Site Lugubriousosity

Like a greasy Cantabrigian bartender, the site hath bumped along the past week during massive rebuilding of its patchwork post-Lando Millennium Falcon engine. So bear with, and apologies.

It should hopefully be running better now, but if you’re running into major lag-time, drop me a line and let me know what browser and other problems you’re seeing.

In the meantime, boobs.

Lime Johnson Says "Spike!"

The Leah Sisters, representing 70% of the under-25 indigenous female population in greater Ft. Lauderdale, giggle, pout, and go to Sizzler for lunch.

EDIT: There was a bug in the new spam filter that was deleting tons of comments, apologies for that. It should be fixed, give it a whirl, and drop an email to your humble narrator if problems persist.

Pinky Ringer Approves of the HCwDB of the Week

Pinky Ringer, the Collective Hand of Douchal Antimatter, approves of the HCwDB of the Week by Goose Running into Julia and Rache’s coy uvulas.

Beware the coy uvula. For it will wreck your Prius in a fit of rage at 2am outside the Rite-Aid on Sunset.

HCwDB of the Week: Trent Assholio and Luscious Larissa

A fairly triumphant and toxic combo of HC and DB takes the prize this week.

Trent Assholio is pure assholioness.

Lucious Larissa offers Swedesh Boobal Landing Pattern.

Together, they make plop.

The Human Race is Very, Very Strange

Alan Thicke for the win. Blue mandex for the sperm-killing loss.

Comment of the Week: Young Alec Baldwin

There are performances. And there are performances. And then there is this.

So you’ll indulge me if I deviate from the usual weekly award to give Mr. Baldwin the coveted Comment of the Week. For he is God.