Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Friday Thoughts and Links

Aye o’er sun dappled hills at peak o’ sunset…

The tragedy of the hotts… ne’ermore… ne’ermore…

— Excerpt from “The Tragedy of the Hotts” by Dylan Thomas, 1942.

Here’s your links:

Your cheesy 1990s Troma “Horror” DVD Pick of the Week: “Get your goddamn tongue out of my goddamn cousin’s mouth!”

Lego Batman. If the movie looked like this, I might care about it. As it is, redundant self-serious “high art” superhero disaster porn bores me to piddle.

John Mayer. Still out there. Still a douchebag.

Hebrew National Hotdogs not Kosher? That’s not kosher. Speaking of, that’s the title of my new sitcom idea, “That’s Not Kosher.”

This British kid is my hero. Slugworth deserved it.

Vice’s Guide to Dating Rich Girls is pretty spot on and humorous. Well worth a gander if you have time to kill this weekend.

Friends you should Unfriend on Facebook. Nickelback Fans for the Unfriending.

Shia LaBeouf stars in arty music video, reveals his penis.

David Lynch’s Rock of Ages. Now there’s a movie I’d see.

It’s almost summertime. You like fruit? How’s about some:

Pineapple Fruit Pear

Mmmm… juicy. and by juicy I mean butt.

EDIT: Site was down for awhile, but it’s back up, and these links are sweet, so apologies for the outage and enjoy…

The Douchepocalypse Dawns…

… in the distance, a lonely wolf whimpers against a bone chilling wind…

… the battle begins…

Friday Haiku

Sir Roofus Malfoy

Tries to glamour a Muggle

With his tiny wand.

on top of the Albino

the wheelbarrow should have stayed

Pit of Despair, indeed

— Melvil_Duchi

The zombie Hitchens

Scours London for bath salts

And Anglo call girls.

— Capt. James T. Douche

She always dresses

To suit the occasion. This

Occasion was drapes.

— The Reverend MonkeyHole Kroeger

Hot chick with Fatt bag

British Empire continues

Millenial fail

— The Dude

Lord Autumn Bottom

Wants to show Ms Twiggy his

Yellow Submarine

— saulgoode42

Guy in this photo

Makes me ask the following;

Is Gregg Allman dead?

— Doucheywallnuts, I says

A much closer look

Reveals rare double lapels

Ray Charles dressed better

— Charles Douchewin

No style change for Steve

Since his grunge band broke up in

Nineteen ninety five

— Ich verstehe sie ist heiß

Oh those were the days

Elf extra in Lord Of The Rings**

Downhill spiral since

— Et Tu Douche?

**10 points to Gryffindor for Et Tu – D.S.

Bath Salts Hugh Jackman Reaps the Benefits of Stardom

Then again, is Bath Salts Hugh Jackman really interested?

Blonde Model Premium Super Mayan Eye of Coitus is reserved only for celebrities. The bouncer is now asking you to leave.

Caption This Pic

“Now Kelly, why would I roofie your mai tai? My peen hasn’t worked since the Reagan years! And by Reagan years, I mean the last cycle of synthrol.”

Giuseppe's Thousand Yard Stare

If I’m feeling generous, I’mma go with a notta and a goinpeace for Giuseppe, even if the double-button thing is vaguely ‘baggy.

But I’m posting this pic for Shana and Lilly’s matching cloth tops. They may not be up in the single malt level of hottchickery, but, as Henry George once wrote in Progress and Poverty, “Boobs.”

And Shana’s tickle pooch is slobber gnaw.

Yeah, I said “tickle pooch is slobber gnaw.” What are you gonna do about it, Mrs. O’leary? Circle it in red pen? Give me a “D”?? I haven’t been in your class in years! Bwahahahaha!

Ned Drinks from the Pitcher

Sleeve Tatts do not not a boring-ass fratboy unmake.

Years later, while working in corporate accounting, driving a minivan, and raising three ungrateful boys, Mindy would reflect back on senior year and sigh.

HCwDB After Dark

It may only be June, but Santa Claus always has time for Pear.

Up late?

Pull up a chair. Hang out with me.

Grab a tasty chocolate cruller from the catered spread over on the alpaca lanai.

Enjoy a lapsong souchong latte.

And join me for a game Champagne Katie Chess Pear.

Pawn star jokes? Perhaps.

But first, I make my move. Bishop to Glute 3. Czech mate.

A Whole Pile of Disturbing Creepiness

I just hosed off my crotch with bleach spray shot out of a water cannon. I advise you to do the same.

Site Upgrading Continues…

In case you’ve noticed the site’s been a big buggy lately, sometimes going off-line, sometimes talking to me in a deep yet soothing monotone about playing a game of chess, I’mma updating the android sex slave robotics ’round here.

Gonna give this thing the Ferrari engine that powered Hoops to victory in One Crazy Summer.

Also gonna add a new personal blog where your humble narrator can rant about all things life and boobie hottie suckle thigh unrelated to douche mocking.

So hang in there.

And read the t-shirts.

For they explain all.