Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Orange Mike Doggie 'Bags Meghan

Gotta get a little classic HCwDB all up in this place after witnessing my childhood hero, Mr. Ford, morph from a wisecracking movie star into an old curmudgeon in less than thirty years.

That’s okay, Harrison. We’ll always have 1977-1982.

Trent Assholio

Shhh!!

You hear that??!?

It’s Trent Assholio.

He’s on the move.

The make.

The Mack Daddy springboard sexin’ bodysprayin’ move.

Can you dig it?

I said, can you dig it?

Luscious Larissa burps angels covered in lilacs. I would traipse through a barbed wire covered field of rubber boing boings just for the chance to drool and lick upon her discarded spa treatment skin peel.

EDIT: Site’s BUGGY as heck today as I’m upgrading everything, so bear with…

Harrison Ford Runs with the Goose

And the DB1’s entire world view implodes with the force of a thousand suns…

One Word Tuesday

Chilly.

Vinnie's 30th Birthday Party in Passaic New Jersey was a Staid and Somber Affair

There was no joy in mudville last night.

But it was kinda funny when Tommy did six lemon shooters in a row and then sang the lyrics to “Here I go Again” by Whitesnake.

Where's Smugbag?

Somewhere in this lineup of fantastic top-shelf quality leg shooters, I’ve carefully hidden an itchy smugbag.

Look closely.

Can you find him?

Headwound Horace Approves of the HCwDB of the Week

And by approves, Headwound Horace means lice.

HCwDB of the Week: Moses McJesus and Mary Poochdalene

Once again I just can’t select a Herpster as the HCwDB of the Week. I have a block, I tell you, a block. And by block, I mean hatred for those who order microbrews and pay with quarters.

Besting Funger Whackenstein and Angie by a douchetatt, Moses McJ and Mary win for sheer religious douchery.

But last week also saw award Brooke’s Award Winning Golden Globes, and the pouty perfection of Mindy Pout in the aforementioned Herpster disgrace, and the barely legal hotts of Dieselcrotch.

But something about the unholy Moses/Jesus tatt configuration, and the secky pooch of slutty hotty Mary Poochdalene, takes the prize this week.

And your humble narrator for instant oatmeal with raisins.

Ayn Rand and L. Ron Hubbard: The Early Years

Mocking cultists is always a good way to spend a Sunday.

Comment of the Week: Jacques Doucheteau

Like a modern day Jefferson, Hamilton, and Spicolli, Jacques Doucheteau pens the “Declaration of Douchiness” in the Dieselcrotch thread, and wins the coveted HCwDB Comment of the Week:

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I think it’s actually the Declaration of Douchiness.

We hold these boobies to self-levitate, that not all men are created equal, that they are well endowed by their Personal Trainer with certain Anabolic Steroids, that among these are Clenbuterol, Methyltestosterone and the pursuit of Swoleness. — That to secure these bitches, Night Clubs are instituted among Men, deriving their just wattage from the playlist of the iPod, — That whenever any Form of Fist pumping becomes destructive of these beats, it is the Right of the Bouncer to yell at or to abolish it, and to institute new Fist Pumping, laying its foundation on such rhythms and organizing its beats in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their House and Dubstep. Narcissism, indeed, will dictate that Parties long established should not be changed for lame and transient city ordinances; and accordingly all rumors hath shewn, that Douchebags are more disposed to suffer, while fags in their mom’s basement are sufferable, than to fight each other by abolishing the hotties to which they are accustomed. But when a long weekend of bodily abuses and libations, pursuing invariably the same taut Hottie, evinces a design to frustrate them under absolute Rejection, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Lesbo Bitch Whores, and to provide new Guidettes for their future Cream Pie-ing.

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