Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Ask DB1: UFC Fighter Head

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Db1,

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Yes. Yes it is.

EDIT: As per a suggestion in the comments thread, the reward for enduring this atrocity and blight upon out culture is the glory that is Fusball Pear.

Sombrero Mike Loves Lavo

I’m guessing Lavo is his pet ferret. Anyone else?

Mmmm… Slender Margruita. How your shiney and freshly washed hair smells faintly of Herbal Essence and calcified water. I judge not your nasal lilt, for your doe eyes bespeak sunrises of pooch slap and thigh suckle with a margarita chaser. No salt. Beaches of butt poke, and an overpriced bill from a surly waiter.

Where's Gruber, Annoying Techno German Superstar?

Somewhere in this pic of slender Nordic Leg Suckles, I’ve carefully hidden Gruber, Annoying Techno German Superstar.

Look closely.

Can you express no emotion to his synchronic beats?

Boobs n' Boobs

As postmodern collision montage gave way to ironic representationalism in the early aughts, a Banksian sense of play returned under a more generalized Rauch-inspired urban political critique. This formalism, giving way to expressionist renderings of interiority, took the form of spectacle rooted in street art class-style exhibitionist critique.

We see an equivalent with post-Gehry architecture, and certainly with boobsy mcboosal boobs. For once a diacritic sense of formalism returned, at least in a Derridean deconstructionist sense, then dudes holding rubber boobs became art followed shortly thereafter.

Linda and a Boatful of Bros

It’s kinda like “Goldilocks and the Three Bears.”

Only instead of porridge, there’s the herp.

Kissieus Vomitorious Continues to Spread his Fauxhawk Spittle

It’s like raaiiiinnnn… on a hotties face….

Yeah, I got nuthin’. Where’s my coffee?

They Would Walk 500 Miles…

…just to buy Kelly a Mai Tai.

…then talk awkwardly about the local sports team and the weather while a bad Katy Perry song played.

…then clear their throats.

…then say “it was nice to meet you” as Kelly headed for the door even though Kelly had another hour on her Corona Light bikini promotion (she quit).

… then go home to watch midget fetish porn and hold hands.

‘Cause you know they’re gonna be, they’re gonna be the douches who gets drunk next to Kelly.

Kisseus Vomitorious

Or, as the Romans used to say: Douchus Ex Machina. Translation: Kissy Faux Pisses in the Sippy Cup.

Headwound Horace and Angry Angie Approve of the HCwDB of the Week

Headwound Horace and Angry Angie may never claim an HCwDB of their own, so they’ll be content to vicariously approve another coupling’s victory (loss) instead.

Kind of like the failed athlete who cheers on his teammates at the Summer Games in London.

And by failed athlete, I mean insane professor of physics who’s discovered an alien in the trunk of a Chevy Malibu. And by Summer Games I mean Particle Man. And by London, I mean scarf.

HCwDB of the Week: Victoria and the Weenus

Last week was a light week for pics, what with the 4th and all. But we’se gots to have an award, and this couple rankles me for some reason beyond the specificities of the hottie/douchey signifiers.

I’m thinkin’ it’s douche shirt.

And Victoria is sneaky subversive sexy.

So together, I bequeath them HCwDB of the Week.

And your humb narrs for Raisin Bran.