Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Llamas with Hats

Far more entertainment than should be allowed on a lazy Sunday in a free society.

Comment of the Week: Captain James T. Douche

Capt. J.T.D. sums up the crisis of the ‘bagling in the Melvin Finkelstein thread and wins the coveted HCwDB Comment of the Week:

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With the promise of hooking them up with some complimentary bottle service and the teeniest sliver of hope of a handjob, Melvin scrounged up some wounded soldiers from the other VIP areas and watered down the leftover booze with pool water and cleaning chemicals as well as grabbed a few carafes of whatever was laying around at the bar fermenting in the sun. Some improvised peacocking and seduction tips his pal Moishe had given him along with a few quick one liners and the snap of a camera phone later and he’s back to skimming the jizz out of the jacuzi before the big cheese gets wind of it all. That pic will earn him serious respect and street cred at Hebrew school this week as well as he’ll be dotting the eye on daquigans mons ink in his dreams for a good month when he tosses a load into a sweat sock.

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Quality mock. Moishe does have the best seduction tips.

Friday Thoughts and Links

Ab Reveal in Presence of SluttyHott.

Still out there.

Still taking a ferret dump on the collected works of Shakespeare.

Happy Post-4th to all the ‘bag hunters who made it with me through the bumpy site upgrades. This place has always been held together with spit, twine, and bodyspray, so bear with.

Lucky Punkass is almost active, and that’ll give me a place to rant about other things beyond the hottie/douchey mock. But otherwise, HCwDB is HCwDB. Let us carry onward until dawn with a 1/2 a HoHo for sustenance.

Here’s your links:

In honor of the once-great-now-exploited Comicon, of which the DB1 will most assuredly not be attending, here’s your HCwDB Nerd Toy of the Week: “Well, you can’t rule the world in hiding.You’ve got to come out onto the balcony sometimes and wave a tentacle, if you’ll pardon the expression.”

Tentatively, the site seems to be working again. Cross your fingers, and have some champagne.

And some Champagne Katie. Even if she is still dating the oldbags.

I’m not normally attracted to Nordic Blonde Hotts, but when I am she’s Patsy Kensit in 1990. And Liz Hurley ain’t so bad neither.

Bro V. Douchebag at the Major League Baseball All-Star Game. I wish I’d come up with this joke first. Oh wait, I did.

Semitic Hottie Bar Rafaeli is now a hottie ‘bag hunter. When the models turn, so does the battle. What’s she mocking? This clown.

But you are not hear for soccer clown. You are here for Pear.

Pear submissions have been unusually high lately, and I’m not sure why. Summer Pear Fever? Anyways, here’s a tri-sampling of the latest:

Cycle Pear

For the melonious lovers among us:

Spandex Pear

And for the Star Wars geeks, the greatness that is…

Droid Pear

Awwww yeeee. Thass what I’se talkin’ about, yo! (said in my best Lucas voice) Don’t say I never did nothin’ for ya.

Mr. Biggs Stalks the Stokke

HCwDB Hall of Mock genius and supreme ‘bag tagger, Mr. Biggs, goes on a mission to stalk the holy Pear that is Stokke, and came back proudly with the following report:

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DB1,

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Truly supreme work, Mr. Biggs. And may all hail the Hottest Pole Vaulter since Claire Witzerbottom took the prize at the 1854 World’s Fair.

Friday Haiku

Hotties of the Rings,

find Assbo ‘Baggins fingers,

“Butthole, My Precious!”

One does not simply

— Nancy Dreuche

Melvin Finkelstein Wears White, Spends $1500 on Bottle Service, Is Still In Over His Head

But I suppose on some level we gotta give Melvin Finkelstein a little something, you know, for the effort.

When Burning Man Goes Wrong…

… it smells like day-glo paint and parent issues.

Two "Bronies" Discover Holly Offers an Equally Fascinating Form of Animation

After attending “My Little Pony” Con, the Bronies decided to move on to new, more adult, forms of unicorn study.

Yeah, I got nuthin’. It’s the 5th. Still hung over from too many Hi-C juice box shooters. Recovering slowly with candle light and the mathematical study of Holly butt curve.

Crazy-Eyez Carlos and Hott Brazilian Gisella Say Happy July 4th!

What’s good for Carlos is good for America (by way of Mexico)!

Happy July 4th y’all!! (as I affect my southern accent for effect, thus demonstrating a clear knowledge of the difference between “affect” and “effect,” which then, ironically, proves that I”m not southern.)

Thanks for hangin’ with all them site buggin’ going on these days. Close to being fixed with the cleanup, things should be working a lot better.

Also, my personal blog, Lucky Punkass, will be starting up soon, giving me a chance to rant away at the larger cosmos while still continuing the hottie/douchey mock. Hope you’ll check that out as well.

For now, we grill.

Glenn Finds a New Use for Gaffer's Tape

That’s nothing. You should see Glenn’s Cat, Glenn’s other cat, Glenn’s baby, and, after a particularly grueling session about his hatred for his mother, Glenn’s therapist.