Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Nikki and Kelly Learn the Truth about Crotchvine
Crotchvine smells like coconut oil.
Crotchvine has never been a big fan of Celine Dion.
Crotchvine does not like licorice.
Crotchvine occasionally practices trumpet. But only alone.
Crotchvine once wrote a book about wildebeests.
Crotchvine always pisses on the shoes of the man directly to the left of him at the trough in the men’s room at the football game.
re: Red Bikini – last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it.
Crotchvine plays his 20 Minute Ab workout on fast forward on the DVR, so it only takes 10 minutes and he gets a really good workout.
If this pic were cropped so you don’t see Crotchvine, I’d suggest a notta, but seeing Crotchvine has ruined my appetite.
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Crotchvine gets double boob-press.
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Crotchvine can’t be un-seen.
Crotchvine lets his Jack Russell lick his anus
Crotchvine hides a cherry pit in his foreskin for laughs
Crotchvine and these bleeths ruined Seth Rosencrantz’s Bar Mitsveh / Pool Party.
Crotchvine invented a drink made from Axe bodyspray, Sambuca, and Patron.
Crotchvine lactates melon liquor.
Sideboob only slightly redeems this pic.
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Slightly.
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Crotchvine enjoys a menage a trois at his buddy Rick’s apartment complex pool in Tallahassee.
Crotchvine is friends with “The Talk” on Facebook
Crotchvine once passed a Titleist Velocity he’d swallowed on a dare
.
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Fore!
^ through his urethra.
Speaking of golf, how ’bout that Meghan Hardin?
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Crotchvine’s nipples are .22 entry wounds.
Crotchvine blew his load in his short shortly after this pic was taken.
Crotchvine would wear shirts but his nipples are so small they slice through the material every time.
Crotchvine’s nipples think his testicles are watermelons.
Crotchvine contracted herpes simplex 1 on his nipples shortly after this picture was taken.
Crotchvine realized that his wallet and watch were missing shortly after this picture was taken.
Crotchvine has an eight pack. His mother has AIDS.
Crotchvine is the only white man who can translate from Jesse Jackson to Hebrew.
Crotchvine wrote a letter to Sarah Palin, with his sperm.
Crotchvine likey girls who say, “I love you long time Joe.”
Crotchvine’s blood type is narcissist
Crotchvine is holding the diving board out with his sphincter muscles
Later crotchvine will lick lemon juice off red bikini’s incision scar.
Crotchvine peed in the pool behind him not once but twice.
Crotchvine smells of shame & Bud Light Lime.
Crotchvine once wrote a song around a Z#major 17th chord in the key of mayonaise
Crotchvine likes to give himself Dutch ovens.
Crotchvines favorite color is potoato.
Crotchvine whacks off into random URC’s at parties then quietly places them back in the stack for unsuspecting party go-ers to pick up and use.
Are we sure it’s not Crotchvein???
Crotchvine likes rodeos
Crotchvine is a strong proponent of a good meme.
Crotchvine is the warm up act before a donkey show.
Crotchvine enjoys quiet evenings by the fireplace reading comic books.
Crotchvine gets befuddled some times.
Crotchvine is kicking ass in Fantasy Football league, Canadian Fantasy Football that is.
Crotchvine was huge fan of Zima.
Crotchvine spent his summers working on a dairy farm.
“Crotchvine peed in the pool behind him not once but twice…” this was only after eating a bushel of asparagus
Crotchvine likes to wear a “Dutch Hat”
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http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=dutch%20hat
Crotchvine works out to videos of Zyzz dying.
Crotchvine enjoys sex while wearing wooden clogs.
Crotchvine performs Eminem on Karaoke Night under the name “Pubix”
Meghan Hardin gives me a stiff shaft. I’m thinking two balls out gets me in the hole.
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~Dutch Hat~ begs the question, wtf?
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Double Dutch
Crotchvine is a Motivational Speaker commanding $50-$75 per speech.
Crotchvine suffers from petit mal seizures.
Crotchvain makes me wonder why it’s 9:00 pm EST and I haven’t had a drink all day. Fuck that I’m getting drunk and stoned over the next two hours.
Meghan Hardin, Megot Hardon!
Crotchvine has stumbled up the game Filipino whores love to play; Lick The Nipple!
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Which Dutch Hat, the one you piss on or the other one?
Crotchvine rubs peanut butter on his peen and lets the dog lick that too.
Crotchvine’s Irritable Bowel Syndrome occasionally reeks havoc with his social life.
Crotchvine enjoys Skittles®
Crotchvine has webbed toes
Wildebeest migrate just to be closer to Crotchvine.
Crotchvine breastfed…until he was 23.
Crotchvine once whittled an ocarina out of wood and gave it to a retarded boy.