Thursday, November 29, 2012
Asshole McAssholewitz Wastes Oxygen, Hits on Karyn
Mark today the real day the music died.
Douche lobes for the social loss.
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Gentlemen aim right for where he is pointing and fire at will!!
McAssholewitz just decided on a whim that he is gonna convert to Hinduism. For that purpose he is currently applying the smear of poop his middle finger extracted from Karyns tight butthole to his forehead, in order to paint a Bindi there, because he’s all for symbolic shit and stuff.
His buddy Schmock McIndoorhatterson in the background is at the same inspecting the poop on his own middle finger, which moments before was extracted from McAssholewitz’s bunghole, in order to see if it’s enough for his own Bindi, since he basically always does everything that McAssholewitz does.
Hey, Zippy! How many functioning neurons are there in that head of yours?
His Mom is kind of cute.
.
I see you in the background, Schmock McIndoorhatterson.
.
Schmock, I grew up in NJ with Jay (and Silent Bob). I knew Jay (and Silent Bob). Jay (and Silent Bob) was a friend of mine. Schmock, you’re no Jay (or silent Bob) .
in prison they call douche lobes, ‘lovin grips’
These two are great. An Inland Empire love story
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Soon, Karyn, the Slots Area waitress at Fitzgeralds, will decide that her eggs ain’t getting any stronger, what with the meth use, bad nutrition and long list of questionable sex partners and realize that maybe she’s ready to snare a mate.
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She’ll have her IUD secretly taken out and McAssholewitz becomes “The Choice”. She loves the feel of sitting behind him on his Yamaha 240 He’s got a job , well sorta, as he is the bar back at the big strip club. He takes home well over $30 a night in shared tips on top of his minimum wage salary and at least there’s a health insurance plan (although the $5000 yearly deductible seems like Mt Everest).
.
She realizes after six months that she should be pregnant by now so at the free clinic she signs up for an experimental fertility treatment touted as “Las Vegas’ Most Discreet Planned Parenthood Office”. BOOM!, the treatment works and twins are on the way
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The happy day arrives as McAssholewitz, awful tattoos sprouting out around the delivery room scrub shirt, sees his two spawn for the first time, both girls to his dismay
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They name them “Hashtag” and Retweet” . His dispair knows no bounds as the screaming is multiplied exponentialy with every smelly diaper, spit up incident and 4:00 A.M. feeding
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He leaves her, moving back with his buddies in Rubidoux. Her four month old poo and wailing machines drive her to the point of exhaustion until finally she is forced to move back home with her dissapointed mother, a school cafeteria worker in the Jurupa School District. She weighs 84 pounds
.
The D.A. of Riverside County spends the next 17 years and 8 months chasing McAssholewitz for child support payments and suspends his drivers license every other month.
.
McAssholewitz , now a spent, talentless, terribly ugly, friendless, unemployable middle aged lump of his former self signs the back of his $223 welfare check then says “Screw it” and eats the barrel of a .45 in his 400 square foot basement apartment in Moreno Valley. The M.E. team jokes about ” a helluva wall splatter
.
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See? There’s a happy ending to every story
When candidate Romney made his now infamous statement about the 45% who felt entitled, people wondered, how could he say that? How could he conceivably conclude that so many people were content to suckle at the teat of government social welfare programs.
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Well, if you had McAssholewitz and his crew approaching you in the parking lot day after day after day trying to sell you their baby mama’s food stamps and WIC certificates for cash to go and buy another knuckle tatt, you might come to the same conclusion.
Vin Douchal FTMFW
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Everyone was amazed when candidate Romney voiced his now infamous declaration about the 45%.
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But if you had McAssholewitz and his posse approaching you in the parking lot outside campaign headquarters day after day after day trying to sell you their baby mamas’s food stamps and WIC vouchers for cash to buy yet another knuckle tatt you might come to the same conclusion.
.
Except you’d proably say it like Vin did and just leave the percent up to the audiance to figure out.
Shut down the weekly…
Well hell. That first post never showed up hence the second post AFTER reading Mr. Douchal’s masterpiece and only after trying three times. Don’t know if it’s my viking yogurt coated laptop or the boss’s service that’s causing the mess.
.
Anyone else having troubles with the comments pages?
Yes
Uh,… no
WTF AM I LOOKING AT!? This garbage specimen is of another universe.
occasionally
Practically never
All the fuccen time
me too
not atall
Vin, that brought a tear to my eye. I am now done for today, and for that I thank you.
Salty fuccen tears, Vin. Goddamnit, that was fuccen wonderful.
salty fuccen tears indeed. Oh, on top of it all, she doesn’t swallow. You can tell by the way she holds the straw. When she feels its arrival, she’d rather take it on the face, cuz “spooge tastes nasty”.
In prison they hang their clean shirts on this guys ear lobes. Good luck hammerhead.
Isn’t that Little Skippy [The Douche Formerly Known as T. Mills]?
Aaaaaaaaaand never mind.