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Friday, November 23, 2012
Friday Haiku
Douchebag’s a Loser;
Hanging like a chicken neck
From a Turkey Wing.
O How I’d love to
Pardon her Turkeys; Fly free
Bra-Birdies…GOBBLE.
Ode for my side-part;
this douche has besmirched thy name,
embrace the clippers.
— Colossus of Choads
gobble gobble gak!
another heinous anus
douchebag and bleeth chick
— Troy Tempest
Did she earn those tags?
Yes sir! Works for Army as
Chlamydia sponge
— Charles Nelson Douchely
the ham & turkey
she has stowed away in blouse
have been well basted
— creature
Watch, glasses, D-cups
Everything is Super-Sized
except Juan’s dinky
— Morbo
She has been smiling
Since the gyroscope was put
In her monkey hole.
— Capt. James T. Douche
Her pendulous teats
Cannot distract us from the
Disgusting douchebag
— DoucheyWallnuts
Thursday, November 22, 2012Happy Turkey!
May all your cobblers be juicy! And your stuffing devoid of STDs.
And by STDs, I mean special tasty desserts…
Wednesday, November 21, 2012Minigroo Snags Sophia, Wins at the Game of Life
You may now light your genitalia on fire. Reproducing is no longer a worthy endeavor.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012Stevetatt McCrotchenfondle Wins the Trophy
The trophy is for Tiniest Leopard Package in Trenton.
Babs McBoobserson jiggles pensively.
Ubiquitous Red Cup left an hour ago for happy hour at the Oyster Shack off I-5.
And it’s T minus-3 until the Russians invade.
Yep.
I’ve ditched that idea about killer gum. I’mma pitch a new film, “Boobs Dawn.” Or maybe “Boobs Hawk Down.” “Boobs Lieutenant?” Okay, lets go with “Breaking Boobs.”
Wednesday, November 21, 2012The Most Whitening Man in the World
He doesn’t always something something. But he is a douchebag.
Yeah, got nuthin’.
Things just haven’t been the same since my raccoon got hepatitis.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012Rollin' in a Nightclub in Queens on a Saturday
It was all fun and games for Vinnie and Sharilynn. Until one of them reached under the seat and got their hands stuck in… the “gum.”
I’mma pitch a 1980s horror film called “The Gum.” About killer gum. You know, like this masterpiece. Young Paul Sorvino for the win.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012Hairwolf
Can anyone here fly a helicopter?
Kelly’s Mayan Eye of Foreplay visualizes group coital globb fondle in glorious and healthy ways. I salute her 80s workout shirt, and thank Vishnu for belly pooch potential. For there is always belly pooch potential. Don’t believe the fascists.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012Conceptual Paradox is a Cruel and Ironic She-Bitch
So what if I told you that the Twinkie will likely be saved, but it will now be owned by the icon of herpsterbaggery, Pabst Blue Ribbon beer?
Surely you’re joking Mr. Feynman.
The idea that my once-favorite cheap beer, now coopted by Movember Instagramateurs and rendered fully Beer-Bleeth, could somehow partake in owning my delightful golden vanilla snack cake treat, is a concept too paradoxical to comprehend.
But good news nonetheless, for the Tasty Snack Treat Diet ™ that I’ve patented will likely live on.
Ah, screw it.
Lets get some Lil’ Debbie instead.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012Woke Up, Fell Out Of Bed…
Dragged a comb across my… GAH!
Reader Mail: The Douche Detection Formula (Excel Version)
Reader Herpe The Douche-Bug distills the West Coast Fratdouche down to its mathematical essence:
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DB1,
While out with my wife today at a wine festival in San Francisco we came across many different local douche bags all in various states of douchecomposition.
But one thing become very clear to us over the next few hours. They all shared some very simple commonalities that could be plugged into a spread sheet to help the lay person recognize a Grieco virus carrier and avoid them.
Below i present to you, the “Douche Detection Formula” (Excel version).
=IF(AND(OR({city}=”SF”,{city}=”Berkeley”),OR({male}=”emo”,{male}=”frat boy”)),”Douche”,”Human”)
While this works well in our area I’m sure it could be modified to be used across this great country of ours to help stem the tide, or at least identify those in need of involuntary sterilization.
keep up the good fight
Regards,
Herpe the Douche-bug
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Consider it an extension of the Holy Writ from Joseph Smith’s lesser work, The Book of Moroni.
Good work, HtDB. A worthy tag, indeed.
