Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

2:38 pm March, 19 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Good God ! I don’t know what DB1 is talking about running out of photos for the site. Looks like he’s been fracking and struck a gusher of greasy bag pics of late.

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Amazonian blond on the left with the fivehead still looks pretty bangable. just sayin.

2:44 pm March, 19 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Wow…Just Wow…Who has the biggest cock of the group? I say second from the left.

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2:58 pm March, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Lactatia Jefferson spawned a migrating sixth appendage for tucking……and shit. Son.

5:23 pm March, 19 The Dude (remote loc) said...

Lingerie football team from my worst nightmare.

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Lactatia – omg Kroeger, you are a fukn genius

5:26 pm March, 19 Jacques Doucheteau said...

What’s most fucked up to me is that the by far tallest one of the group is the blonde on the left, and yet for some odd reason the most bangable.

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Thing is, she looks like aside from 2 hrs of weight lifting a day and 200+ gram of protein, she also is way into yoga. And I’ll tell you from personal experience, that female yogis are WAAAAAAAAAAY better lays than any other corporal being with a vagina on the fucking planet.

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Okay, so you see your self a muscular body building athletic chick with tight tone all over and think to yourself, “wow, I bet this bitch has fucking a-MAAAAZING muscle control and strength in her vageene. She could probably pinch the head of my dick off without much effort!”. Well guess what? No, that’s not how it works.

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Body building chicks, just like male body builders, spend shit-tons of time working on strengthening and honing every part of their body BUT their genitals. Their primary concern is looking good and taut for the next show, which always involves covering up their junk, so why bother wasting energy on the sex-making parts? None. Besides, sex is just unnecessarily burning calories that could be spent bulking up.

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I briefly dated a body builder chick I met at the gym once, and it just wasn’t as exciting as I thought it would be. First off, we couldn’t go out on proper dates, what with her gluten/sugar-free high protein diet. Second, she was one of the worst lays ever, due to her paying attention to working on every part of her body but her gash, which was all stringy and calloused from hours upon hours of each day doing squat thrusts and sweating away on a bacteria infested bike seat. Seriously, it was like fucking a ball of yarn. Grabbing her tits wasn’t all that fun either, since I found out her D cups were really As with a C cup worth of pectorals. Fucking gross, dude.

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But then, after that catastrophe and a few indie-rocker rebound girls, I decided to give the gym hookup another go and ended up with a yoga instructor. She was kinda touchy-feely-earthy with well kept dreads, which usually I find quite distasteful, but she had a cute freckly face and and fucking BANGING tight body. She was short, a little soft, but athletic with perky little tits and an ass that redefined pi.

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It took a while, but after several dates to vegan restaurants, independent film festivals, and plenty of philosophical ramblings proving how “new age” I was, I managed to get my appendages in those hot yoga pants she was always wearing.

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Dude…

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Oh. My. Fucking. GAWD!!!!!! Was that not the most spectacular fuck any man could ever be blessed with. It didn’t matter that she insisted on 30 minutes of cunnilingus through a dense forest of untrimmed wirey bushness as a prerequisite for getting my dick wet…it was worth every choking, pubic-hairball-hacking moment. Yoga chicks have true muscle control. She could milk, MILK, a cock like a tube of toothpaste; squeezing out every last drop of fresh-breath minty spackle I could ever offer before I could even THINK about what it might be like to get ONE solid thrust in. This, compared to desperately pounding away at some gamey, fake-tanned, mannequin of a women hoping to bust a nut in her tragic excuse for a barren pussy.

5:26 pm March, 19 The Dude (remote loc) said...

Put a gun to my head, tell me to fuck one of them, I’d go for the one in the mumu. Leave as much to the imagination as possible.

12:46 am March, 20 Guid is Good said...

stringy gash is a real turn off

5:15 am March, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

At least nobody laid a messy shit on Jacques in that story. Poor Jacques, he’s into that.. and shit.

7:07 am March, 20 DarkSock said...

Stringy Gash opened for Phish at VooDoo Fest here in ’99.

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They sucked.