Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Fro-Mo

If they ever cast a pseudo-punk rock ethnic Brady Bunch, Fro-Mo’s got total dibs on “Peter.”

Carly’s sultry Mayan Eye of Coitus reminds us why people frequent overpriced bars. It’s all about the fantasy. The night belongs to fantasy. Fantasy can be had. For $75-125, not including parking.

Sheeney Head Shane Skips School To Get Craaazy With Swedish High School Girls!!

This is a scene from the Joseph Goebbles biopic, right?

Nazi references for the joke-killing loss.

It’s like the anti-humor variant of Godwin’s Law.

Besides, just because Swedes are Aryans, that does not make them Nazis. I dated a Swedish girl in my 20s. She was very attractive. Or maybe she was from Denmark. Alls I know is she was blond and had very white teeth and was an Au Pear. It was the best of times. I have no idea where this story is going. Perhaps I should have a coffee.

Your Monday Morning Moobs n' Boobs

It’s like staring into a ruined Las Vegas credit rating as it happens.

Always bet on pear.

Bobby Bottleservice

Nick Kroll, longtime HCwDB reader, brings the club mock to Comedy Central with quality A game. If you haven’t already, check out The Kroll Show. For it is hilarious stuff.

Wallnuts After Dark – Somebody Needs to Whack That Dick Vitali Character

Somebody needs to whack that Dick Vitali jabrone.

So I was watching the Duke/UNC college hoops game on The ESPN the other night and I had to turn the sound down because that Mama Luke was screamin’ his tits off like he’d just blown a c-note at the track!

That manudnick was screamin’ all a the time and says the same friggin’ thing over and over. “Take a T.O. Roy! Take a T.O. Take a T.O. Oh, baby! Oh baby!” I found myself yellin’ at the damn T.V., “Shut the f@#k up you bald, one-eyed hump.” Mrs. Wallnuts came in and tole me to cheese it on account a my high blood pressure and lumbago, which always acts up when I get sore at somethin’ or have a beef wit someone.

Lumbago, I says.

I tells ya, back in the old neighborhood anytime there was a big mouth always yackety yakkin’ about somethin’ or some such, one a the guys would a hit him with a sockful a stale gnocchi right across the back a his noggin’ and rolled him for good measure.

Stale gnocchi, I says.

One time there was this neighborhood babbo named Jimmy “Lobes” – he had earlobes that looked like balls a pizza dough – who was goin’ on and on about winning a Trifecta at Belmont Park to the point that  this local mook Tommy “Elbows” – he never trew punches wit his fist, but trew elbows – cracked Lobes so hard that all a his fillings fell out a his head right there on the sidewalk on Grand Avenue in front of the Conca D’oro Social Club. Madon!

This Vitali Momo is way worse than any a these neighborhood Sfachims I used ta know. He never shuts up and he gave me so much agita that I had to take a physic and put some Jimmy Roselli on my 8-track player to calm my nerves. That Roselli really does the trick. He had a voice like a friggin’ angel and so I was able to relax thanks to him singin’ “Mala Femmina,” enjoyed that great game. I was rootin’ for Duke, but UNC covered and I had the under too, so all in all it was a good night.

Friday Thoughts and Links

And then this happened.

So your humble narrator is currently obsessed with Denali Mint Moose Tracks. Perhaps the finest ice-cream flavor in the history of your momma. It’s like licking nirvana.

Do not judge until you have imbibed.

Partaked.

Partooken?

Who the hell knows.

That shizz is genius.

Here’s yer links:

Your HCwDB xBox Game of the Infinte Fondle Crotch: Bring it. Bring it now.

Remember “Color Me Badd” from one-hit-wonderdom in 1991? They’re baaaaaackkkkkkkk. And they want to sex you up.

Another piece of the DB1’s childhood dies.

Photographer’s girlfriend leads him around the world (with Global Pear bonus!)

FloridaMan on Twitter. Florida, like Texas, is a state of pure asswipe.

Swedish girls hit a nightclub. Hilarity ensues.

But you are not here for drunk Swedish girls. Wait, you’re not? Then get da hells outta here. There’s nothing more in life.

Okay, maybe Pear.

here’s ya go:

Pocahontas Pear

Uhm, Dude, the preferred nomenclature is Native American Pear. Thank you.

Friday Haiku

Look at that scary

Unnatural plastic doll.

A Chucky doll, too!

It puts the doll in

The basket or it gets the

Hose. The wooden hose.

— The Reverend Chad Kroeger

Plastic harvested

From Bleeth gives life to Chucky

She’ll spawn many more

— DoucheyWallnuts

Meatheads with Boats Score the Hott Momms

Douchetatts and Undies Poke are still scrotey, boat or no boat.

Daughter Jenny should not be included in your fantasmagorium of this scene, ya sick bastid.

Chester Roderick Offers the Mayan Eye of Asswipus Trustfundus

Debutante Kelly is over the whole sorority thing. Daddy will care if she wrecks her credit rating.

When Hot Chicks Become Groupies for Going-Nowhere Bar Bands Named "Crack Attack"…

Necktatts grow like chin fung.

And the Baby Jebus cries for boobies beyond suckle hope in the realm of the Bleeth.