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Friday, May 10, 2013
Friday Thoughts and Links
Fashion.
Like taking a dump on coherency by way of anal plutonium.
That’s my new slogan and I’m sticking to it.
Because I know fashion.
Why, just the other week, I asked HC1 if my Land of the Lost sweater vest would clash with my gaberdine suit. And bow tie which was really a camera.
Cathy, I’m lost, I said as we boarded a greyhound. Which was odd because her name is not cathy, and it is very hard to board a dog. Even a large one.
My references are so out of date, they smell like moldy gouda.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB Please Buy Something on Amazon To Help Pay for the Site link of the week: “Woo woo woo!! Hey Hey Hey!!”
This is not an appropriate way to remove an appendix.
Do you have a hose that grows in your pocket? Would you like to?
The future of entertainment: Ryan Gosling Won’t Eat His Cereal.
When I think of Pear Domination, this is not what I think of.
Why yes, I would like a side order of confusion.
Kisseus Vomitorious lives in an NWA video from 1992.
Okay, I got nuthin’. So here’s your Pear:
The purity of essence of femininity as imagined by fifteen year olds who read comics.
Friday, May 10, 2013Friday Haiku
Jim Bob suffered from
Alopecia of the chest;
It drove him to drink.
Rolling a fatty
Now means something different
Than it used to mean
Na mean?
— DoucheyWallnuts
He shaves his manboobs
Since the gyroscope was put
In her Monkey Hole.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Years of busting through
walls reduced Kool-Aid Guy to
mental four year old.
— Douche Wayne
Indian princess
stay away from the crab cakes
of D. B. Sasquatch
— FredN.
Hott prepares to roll
Shamu back to his blue sea
As his shock sets in
— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
Show me your landing
strip, I’ll show you mine, said Chuck.
Not a chance said Kim
— Magnum Douche P. I.
The evils of the demon rum,
causes you to pass out,
and get your chest shaved poorly.
— I R A Darth Aggie
Thursday, May 9, 2013A Sphincter Says, "Shriveled Nads?"
Oh, to reference the great comedies of the pre-internet times of innocence and joyousness.
Oh, and them rocky cliffs are douchier than a post-coital Richard Grieco at an Axe Bodyspray convention.
Thursday, May 9, 2013Your Thursday Poem
The night starry,
She enters the club to pulsing techno,
It cannot be unseen.
Purple diarrhea,
flows like molten douchelava,
A willow harks,
A sparrow chirps,
Into the night…
into the night…
Purple diarrhea head saunters into the strobes.
Thursday, May 9, 2013Asian Justin Bieber Pays to Pose with Sophie
Asian Justin Bieber is convinced that with just the right breaks, he’ll be like the Anglo Psy.
In a related story, Fibonacci used Anglo Psy to confuse Fermat during a game of checkers one night in Oslo back in ’22.
Yup. Got nuthin’.
Not even coffee.
Time for tea.
I hate tea.
I blame your moms.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013HCwDB After Dark: Send in The Paid-to-Pose Slutty Hotts
Isn’t it rich?
Are we a pair?
Boobs here at last on the ground,
Legs in mid-air.
Send in the Paid-to-Pose Slutty Hotts.
Isn’t it bliss?
Don’t you approve?
One who keeps drinking shots of Patron,
One who can’t move.
Where are the Paid-to-Pose Slutty Hotts?
Send in the Paid-to-Pose Slutty Hotts.
Just when I’d stopped popping my collar,
Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours,
Making my entrance again with my usual bling,
Sure of my bodyspray,
My crotch it does sting.
Don’t you love boobs?
My fault I fear.
I thought that you’d want what I want.
Sorry, my dear.
But where are the Paid-to-Pose Slutty Hotts?
Quick, send in the Paid-to-Pose Slutty Hotts.
Don’t bother, they’re here.
Isn’t it rich?
Isn’t it douchey,
Losing my timing this late
In my something that rhymes with douchey?
And where are the Paid-to-Pose Slutty Hotts?
There ought to be Paid-to-Pose Slutty Hotts.
Well, maybe…. next… year.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013When Herpsters Play With Phallic Straws
Brunette Katie’s lithe luscious litheness makes Sutekh’s glowey eyes vibrate with synaptic desire.
Sadly, the cost of buying Brunette Katie an appletini makes the DB1 punch an arthritic donkey nadsack with a rotten plum.
Whether I punched that arthritic donkey’s nadsack with a rotten plum, or whether the arthritic donkey’s nadsack contained a rotten plum when I punched it, I will leave to the vagaries of the English language.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013Game of Martinis: Homie Greg in the Land of the Inflated Melons
Angry Cersei Lannister will definitely be teaching Greg about how to play the Game of Thrones.
And by Game of Thrones, I mean Game of Overpriced Martinis.
Seriously, if that show introduces any more hanging subplots, I’m gonna cut off a nipple.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013Ripples McGavin Thrusts Groin Taint in Jenny's General Direction
And the ungodly site of GSR (Groin Shave Reveal) shames the arthritic Buddha and drains the Persephone Chalice of life-giving fluid.
Persephone Chalice is a euphemism for the boob.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013Thank you 'Bag Hunters and Huntresses….
The coiff has been refueled with all sorts of skeezy HCwDB to the point in which your humb narrs feels itchy just for having looked at that much depressing evidence of cultural toe suckage.
And not good toe suckage.
I’m talking foot fung toe suckage after a week of running around playing live-action fusball in a dirty sock toe suckage.
Certainly enough for a week of quality mock.
Props and thanks to all who sent in pics. Your submissions and efforts never go unappreciated. If you didn’t do what you do, I might have to work more than an hour a week on this here site.
Bringin’ it tomorrow…
