Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Scrattle Bob and Sophia Enjoy a Douchey Sunset

And the baby Tebus shat in a diaper.

The Woo Bros Horrify Kelly

Sure there’s uberdouches like Donkey Douche.

But then there’s real world scrotography.

Like the Woo Bros.

Solid color polo tees and synchronized cries of “Woo.” Usually accompanied by buffalo wings and a nearby television displaying competitive sports.

They may not be purity of spectacle suckitude. But they are soul sucking decay of ineptitude instead.

The Donk Runs Free!!

Yes, folks, that’s right. The moment you’ve been waiting for.

Legendary Hall of Scrote ubertaint, the one and only Donkey Douche, is now free.

Where our scrotal legend from the late 2000s sadly got in trouble with the law, and then more trouble, justice has apparently finally been served.

And by justice, I mean ubertaint.

For the Donkster is jailed no more.

Free at last!

Thank groin shave all douchey, The Donk is free at last!!

Free to pump up with his bros.

Free to hang with the Chandlerbag.

Free to bust some new douche tatts.

Free to make spectacularly horrifying groin revealing douche vortex self portraits (Not Safe For Life).

Some ‘bags come. Some ‘bags go.

Only the Hall of Scroters carry on forever.

Swirly Johanssen Is in Way Over His Swirly Head With Sultry Carolyn

Sultry Carolyn toys with her prey.

For no amount of rosary bling can redeem the Swirl’s groinal aspirations.

Rainbolio Drops a Deuce at Coachella

Sweet Pam, who meticulously fulfills the casting role of Hot Younger Sister of Your Best Friend in College, knows that slumming it for a weekend at Coachella won’t get back to her quasi-BF, Bob.

That’s what she thinks.

Turns out, Pam’s bestie, Monica, actually began dating Rainbolio’s bro, Tommy, behind the glowstick selling dude on the dirt road over by second stage.

So Bob’s totally gonna find out by Wednesday.

Sorry, Sweet Pam. This Deuce don’t fly.

Las Vegas DJ Douchebags Continue to Get Paid Millions to Operate iTunes

This continues to be one of the great travesties of our contemporary cultural suckitude. No talent button pushing asswipes in trendy t-shirts are somehow paid millions of dollars to press “play”:

—————-

Tiësto

“I’m going to dedicate my year to Las Vegas. Just Vegas, maybe a couple of festivals. I haven’t decided yet,” he said. “With the scene blowing up in America, Vegas is so much fun now. It’s the right time to do it.”

——————

Atrocious.

Vinnie Fanooli Is Determined to Touch Angie's Nethers

A week’s pay from Tony’s Oil Change, a freshly shaved chest and a perfectly coiffed lip fung give Vinnie Fanooli the confidence he needsto finally make his move on Angie Nunzio.

Besides, Angie’s mom, Maria, and Vinnie’s mom, Maria, like to play bridge together on Sundays.

So Vinnie’s got that going for him.

Angie likes gum.

Tune in!! All this week!! On As Italian Stereotypes Unfairly Applied by a Jewish Blogger Based on a Single Pic Turns.

Japan is a Very Odd Place

On second thought, lets not go there.

Wallnuts After Dark: What's With Michael Douglas's Troat Cancer?

What’s all a this I hear that that Michael Douglas character said his Troat Cancer is from eatin’ Bad Bing? Bad Bing, I says.

I mean I can’t imagine A) eatin’ that much Bing and 2) eatin’ that much Bing that was bad, and that’s comin’ from a guy who’s been cheeks deep for most a his life, and if eatin’ Snapper gave you The Cancer they would a cut out my larynx and cut off my nose back in the 70s. Ya mean?

Now from what Douglas said his doctor said, he caught The Cancer from chowin’ box on broads who had STPs. I wonder how his young wife feels about all a that?

I also saw somethin’ that said The Cancer also came from something called Comminglingus, or some shit. I tells ya, sometimes it ain’t so bad bein’ a regular Joe type, all a that crazy sex stuff sounds like fun until it someone gets The Cancer.

It reminds me a the first time I felt a pair a fake tits on this dame Carmella Rutondo who used to hang around the back lot at MGM back in the day. I took her out for a few drinks and some Terpsichore and the next thing I know she’s all over my joint under the table. Terpsichore, I says.

So we slip into the cloak room at the Brown Derby, which sucked by the way, and I go up her shirt and when I felt her cans I got the Douche Chills, as they felt unnatural. Not like them big old Butter Tits Mother Nature or God or whoever the Fucc you think gives broads tits, gave them. Butter Tits, I says.

An another thing, this story just goes to prove that old sayin’ that the Eggcorn don’t fall far from the tree (not the 3, but the tree), as his old man Kirk was the horniest Sonofabitch that Hollywood ever seen. Kirk once banged a Tongue Ruben with extra sauerkraut, dressed, that he got at Moishe’s Kosher Deli down there on Sunset. Not only did he brake several a them Jew laws by mixin’ dairy wit meat, you don’t wanna know what he did wit the pickle.

So anyways, I’m not ascared a gettin’ The Cancer and so won’t be alterin’ my diet in any way anytimes soon. You know what I’m sayin’, Cool Breeze?

Friday Thoughts and Links

This pic is like microwaved turtle poo.

Simmering with sizzling micro heat.

I have no idea what micro heat is.

But I digress. It’s Friday bitches!!

Kinda a piddling collection of links this week as your humb narrs found himself passed out in a pool of Tequila vomit beneath an underpass near where the 134 meets the 405.

Long story.

It involves illegal shipment containers, doughnuts, a moldy trampoline and a magical unicorn with the posterior of an enflamed rhesus monkey.

I blame Zapata and the Sandanistas.

Here’s yer links:

Your HCwDB Buy Something After You Click this Link Link of the Week: Sure you’re aging at a rapid pace, losing libido and depressed, but why not hang a poster and pretend that you’re still in college

Posters of prostitutes are not what they seem.

Need the perfect gift? Say it with bacon.

Sometimes ya just gotta boogie down.

Douche Tags. Still out there. Still… uhm, well, I guess the word is douchey.

Okay, nuff of that stalling. Here’s your pear:

Velvet Pokey Pear

Like a vanilla carnal cupcake of pedantic delight.

Enjoy! For the weekend is upon.