Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Friday Thoughts and Links

Do you already hate Mister Tony as much as I do?

Do you realize his clownish antics in presence of hot chicks contains none of the joir de vive we come to associate with the finest of top shelf ‘bags that we mock on this site?

If so, I agree with you.

Mister Tony is hereby banished to the netherlands of nonmock.

No, not even if we wears ridiculous getups like this.

Paid to clown Vegas doucheclowns have no business being on such a classy site as HCwDB.

Oh wait. Yeah, I guess they do.

My standards are as shrunken as a baseball player’s nads.

Here’s yer links:

Here’s an accessory from the life change that’s about to befall your humble narrator.

Forget Weiner. Vote Boner.

Douchey ad campaigns. Still out there.

Amazing article on the early days of Queen and the diva-ness of Freddie Mercury.

I’m pretty sure this is one of my ex-girlfriends.

Jimmy Kimmel exposes Cochella attendees as idiotic herpster posers.

Explaining women in one satirical video clip: It’s not about the nail!

In England, a 14 year old girl Fights the Bleeth.

And then there’s champagne delivered by skydiving. For the idiot who has everything and likes to waste resources.

Okay, you’ve been good. Here you go:

GunPear

You’re welcome.

Friday Haiku

Captain Rod Nubbins

Keeps flotation devices

Nearby at all times.

Circling the globe

Whilst encircled by the globes

Is the way to go

— DoucheyWallnuts

The question arises,

“does silicone float?”,

let’s sink the boat!

— I R A Darth Aggie

Their boobs are like the

Costa Concordia hull

scraping the bottom

— Dickie Fingers

modern day skipper

with mary ann and ginger

hose on the poop deck

— fm

It’s now obvious

where Carnival Cruise Lines gets

infected state rooms.

— Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche

Girls do Lido Deck

Since the gyroscope was put

In their Monkey Holes.

— The Reverend Chad Kroeger

Mister Tony Shows Off His Orange Package to the Real Housewives of Suburban Malaise

Yeah. This guy sucks.

Lets move on.

Brothabag Perephone Scores Isis of Nile

Oh, right. This is the one where Perephone the Ancient challenges a hoard of angry Sumerians to a feats of strength, then tricks them using rope and tinderbox, only to win Isis of Nile’s heart after saving a goat from a tree branch.

Don’t worry. You wouldn’t know it. It’s one of the more obscure ancient Egyptian fairy tales.

You know. Like “Ramses and the Disappearing Case of Bud Light.” Or “Hotep Hits on the Mead Wenches.”

Sort of like the SyFy version of the myths of ancient civilizations. They were popular among the underclass, but never really made it to primetime.

Yup. No idea again.

I’m a little slow today, I just switched to Sanka, so have a heart

Bro's Be Pumpin'

Don’t be hatin’.

Actually, wait, yes, be hatin’. That’s the point of HCwDB. Like that famous 80s white, British reggae band, WEBH8N. You know. They had that hit. Yellow Yellow Pabst.

Okay, got nuthin’.

These muscle bros aren’t even that douchey. Except for the blackface, that is.

Bonus points for the first person to find the severed Bleeth carcass hidden somewhere in this image.

Mister Tony Goes Pink with Taut Kelly

If you guessed there’d be more Mister Tony pics this week, you win!!

Everybody’s a winner!!

Have a kewpie doll!!

You Might Be a Doucheneck if…

…you’re this guy.

Jeff Foxworthy, ladies and gentlemen!! How about a hand for Jeff Foxworthy!!

See, I like to mock comedians who rely on one joke premises for their entire careers. Because, uh… oh… wait… dammit.

Where's Waldouche: Where's Waldo Edition

Well this bit just got meta.

Benzino Takes a Chips n' Pear Break

It’s not easy being an uberdouche and partying with the slutty hotts on a full time basis.

In fact, it can be downright exhausting.

Ya gotta Bryll Cream your hair.

Grow a sexy Oates ‘stache.

Hang with ladies in short-shorts who like to flip off nearby cameras.

Sometimes it all gets too much for Benzino.

Times like that, Benzino needs a break. A chips n’ pear break.

The Smirkonomous Looks Forward to Seeing "Carlos Danger"

When not posing sexily in Cosby-era Christmas sweaters with delightful Nordic sucklebottoms such as Alica, The Smirkonomous is a big fan of the extended Marvel universe and is looking forward to seeing “Carlos Danger.”

Although The Smirkonomous would have preferred the casting of an action star like Chris Hemsworth over that Weiner guy.

But The Smirkonomous will make do. For The Smirkonomous can’t think too heavily about such things. There are more sexy pose to make.