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Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Breaking: Anthony Weiner To Star in Marvel's Upcoming 2014 Superhero Film "Carlos Danger"
You don’t come to HCwDB for timely news, I get it. But this story is too hilarious not to pass on.
Old crotch-packer friend of internet douchetrolls everywhere and current New York mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner continues to hang out and party in internet sex chat rooms like it’s 1997. Not only that but he hits on the internet ladiez as his alter-ego, Carlos Danger.
Tragically, this story was “broken” by old nemesis of the site, The Dirty. Led by its resident douchenozzle, Nik Ritchie, The Dirty is hoping to get renewed life as a witless husking vortex of party pics and suck.
Someday I’ll publish “Niks” emails to HCwDB begging for links back when it was “Dirty Scottsdale” and he was stealing all his pics from my site. But that’s neither here nor there. To paraphrase Kirk/Spock, Nik Ritchie is, and forever will be, a douche.
In the meantime, commence Weiner/Spitzer jokes like we’re all twelve years old, and carry onward until dawn.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013Mister Tony Gets in the Crabsmas Spirit
Who doesn’t fondly recall the Crabmas rituals of youth?
Sitting around by the hearth. Giddy on sugar cookies and rice wine.
Eager to open my Crabsmas presents that had been brought down the chimney by Santa Crotch.
How those warm childhood memories resonate over time. Familial traditions passed down from parent to child like virulent sores in a Burmanese whorehouse.
Far be it for me to criticize Mister Tony and his lady friends for dressing up in celebratory tones to honor the Crabsmas traditions. For these primitive thespians are simply basking the wondrous winter wonderland of bottle service roasting on an an open fire.
When not a creature was stirring. Not even Deadmouse. And the egg nog was spiked with daft spunk.
And Father Crabsmas shouted merrily from each and every rooftop… “Hoe Hoe Hoe!! Merry Crabsmas!!”
And Tiny Timbaland shed his crotches, leapt to his feet, and shouted “Merry Crabsmas to all, and to all a good M. Night Shyamalan!!”
Okay. I get a coffee now.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013One Word Tuesday
Mister Tony Goes Full Hippie
Never go full hippie.
Monday, July 22, 2013The Smirkonomous Is Better Than You
The Smirkonmous Knows this.
Because when the Smirkonomous pays for bottle service Ashley giggles and coos like a feral seal.
This confirms the Smirkonomous’s genetic worth and validity to reproduce within the gene pool.
Well, that and his bangin’ Christmas sweater.
Monday, July 22, 2013Kisseus Vomitorious and Hott Rachel Get Ready for Crabsmas!!
Merry Crabsmas, everyone!!
Merry Crabsmas!!
Monday, July 22, 2013The Rare 'Bag Poselock
In lo these many years that I have mocked ‘bags with hot chicks, I have never run across this.
So I dub this moncrapestry the ‘Bag Poselocker and micturate on his ancestors.
Sunday, July 21, 2013F@#K You Texas!
In response to the obnoxious Texas governor Rick Perry’s recent ads telling New York businesses to move to Texas, the great Lewis Black tells Texas what’s up.
Meanwhile, in Los Angeles, there’s this.
Whoops: Had a premature pub yesterday, so lets give Perry the full finger today.
Saturday, July 20, 2013Comment of the Week: Dude McCrudeshoes
HCwDB’s own Doucheywallnuts went on a bender last night with Frank and the boys, so we’ll take the time to hand out one of the coveted HCwDB Comments of the Week awards.
This week’s award goes to Dude McCrudeshoes for the following, written in the Hackeysack Dave ‘Bag/Nottabag thread:
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The last Diehard was an abomination, J.
Reminds me that I’m looking forward to Pacific Rim. No not that one. The monster movie. I’m pretty sure Del Toro is hip enough to get the double entendre and I dig him for sticking with the title.
Way back before the days of skipping second period to get baked in my buddies car. Even before the days I had to masturbate furiously for hours to the image of a single, silky brown pube poking out from the side of my girlfriend’s bikini bottoms… I remember being a boy of about 6. Rainy afternoons I’d sometimes pull out a container of cheap “made in Taiwan” plastic monsters and dinosaurs that I’d collected a dime at time from coin-op vending machines. Drop in a coin, twist the dial, and get a plastic egg shaped container with a critter inside.
What do plastic monsters and dinosaurs like to do? Team up and fight to the death for new good reason. That’s what. Dialog was mostly triumphant roars and the whimpers of the mortally wounded waiting for their death blows. And after the pink and yellow colored dudes, and silly looking dudes with lobster claws, or the dudes that got broken and were fighting injured went to the great monster bin in the sky, some righteous blue colored dragon or tyrannosaurus would be the ultimate monster fighting champion. And he’d be entitled to a victory stomp on the corpses of the vanquished.
I’d go back to those days in a second. Even if it meant mom would still in the next room drunk on boxed wine and ready to explode. I’d go back. So bring on Pacific Rim, I don’t care if it is geared toward 10 year old retards. I’m gonna watch it.
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Friday, July 19, 2013Friday Thoughts and Links
The now pensive Unholy Grieco sits amidst his art and contemplates the Grieco Virus that He unleashed uponst the world.
Back when He was just a scrotey Hollywood greaser. A clueless Origin Douche setting the template for decades of douchebags to come.
And, of course his Original Sin, to grease and taint the purity of The Holy Bleeth.
Those endless mid-90s nights.
Oh so long ago.
How the world has changed on you, Grieco. What a scary, alien place it is today in our post Jersey Shore world. The Grieco is sad.
And, in a way, I’m sympathetic for the greasy Grieco’s sad and lonely plight.
But at least the insular world of crappy abstract art holds some form of solitary resonance for Sad Grieco. Like the Trappist Monks of yore, the Grieco can meditate and allow his mind to go fully blank. Which, if you think about it, is really for the best for all those involved.
Yes, the Grieco meditates.
And so does the DB1.
Here’s your links:
Wanna help pay the bills around here? Why not join Amazon Prime?
So I randomly stumbled across this great interview with iconic director Martha Coolidge. She of “Real Genius” masterwork. Well worth a read. Loved the dish on working with the late, great, apparently slightly dickish John Hughes.
When planning on robbing a bank, best not to try the Wizard invisible strategy.
Pictures of the summer of ’69. No, not that ’69 ya perv.
Justin Timberlake continues on his long road to post boy-band redemption with this r-rated video that’s kind of a ballsy choice.
Posing DJs. Or, as I like to call them, “iPods that bleed.”
Okay, nuff of that. Here ya go:
Real world firmness that is understated, yet quarter bouncing.
