Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Wallnuts After Dark: What's With the Miles Cyrus in the Rubber Underwears?

So I hear this Miles Cyrus dame created quite a big stir the other night on one a them awards shows on one a them channels that the kids watch that shows all a them musical videos. I saw some a the pictures and a bit of the act and I gotta admit it, I don’t get what the heck is goin’ on there.

I’m still a hip cat for a guy who’s seen a lot and been around the block a couple a times, an so I have no fears that any a youse might think I’m a square for sayin’ so.

Once ole’ Billy Wilder tole Miss Monroe that she couldn’t always walk around wit her nubs hangin’ out if she wanted people to treat her right. She kinda listened, but still loved it when she caught guys starin’ at her knockers.

But she was Marilyn Monroe and could get a way wit it even thought things wound up bad for her. This Milo stasch ain’t talented or good lookin’ enough to prance around in underpants that my Aunt Jo woulda worn after she lost the ability to toilet herself. Toilet herself, I says.

An one more thing. That Mama Luke who stood up there and let Miles rub up against him and his bird should get slapped for lettin’ her get away wit that. I forget that Scarole’s name, I think it was some kind a dame’s name, but whatever his name really is, he should be called Twat for bein’ a part a that.

One time Edie Gorme – God rest her soul – made some kind a off-color remark to Frank during a show at the Copa an he wouldn’t look at her for the rest a the night, an the next day she was gone. She wound up playin’ gigs in Scranton, Pittsburgh, Buffalo and a bunch a other toilets for two years.

So anyways, these gals better straighten up and fly right or else they’ll be playin’ gigs in places where they put ice in the urinals, you can’t get a decent slice a pizza (pronounced “Beet-za” or “A-beetz”) and the champagne they got is flatter than them plains a Nebraska. Or that hooker’s schwanz after the nosejob Frank made her get to look more like Ava. Schwanz, I says.

Friday Thoughts and Links

Ahhh but yes. Sultry Katie floats amid this flotsam of pendulous gut-sacs like a beautiful sprig of fresh Rosemary bobbing around inside a putrid Dutch Oven brimming with sputtering flatulent bratwurst.

What better way to kick off Friday’s Socks und Links. Let the Insanity begin.

Son.

Ahhh, but yes. My home town of Biloxi, MS. We do have our fun, each fall…

Great moments in bad album naming…

First, and Foremost – Praise be unto ALL; the “Mats are finally back together again. 22 years; it’s about effen’ time.  Your move, Hüsker Dü…Or…Not.

Another 20 year quest: after considerable research, Bleethe Patient Zero has been found.

Triple-Bag – The Official Beer of the Hall of Scrote™!

Are you already as tired of hearing about Miley’s Slutburst at the VMA’s as Billy Ray is? No problem; just say “BeetleDouche BeetleDouche BeetleDouche” three times and it will all go away!

Oh, you KNOW you want it, you filthy Nerf Herders…Seriously…how far down THAT rabbit hole do you want to follow DarkSock…?

Everyone’s bitchin’ about Ben Affleck being the next Batman…I don’t care. I had my money on ZacMan. You don’t EVEN want to know my other choice.   As I’m sure you’ve heard, Batman will be in the next SuperScrote movie.

Speaking of erections lasting more that four hours…this woman just won the National Longsword Competition. **call me?**

Ahhh Hell. I know damn well you Pavlovian Cretins skipped down for dessert. Peh. Here.

Unfortunate Pattern Pear.

Alright, alright. Savages.

Backdoor Pear.

Beached Pear.

Drawers Pear.

Espanol Pear.

Exam Cram Pear.

More PocaHantas Pear

Quad Heart Pear.

Shady Pear.

Stair Pear.

Toight Like a Toiger Pear.

And, to go out with a bang, Pear Fair.

You’re welcome. You damn dirty apes.

Friday Haiku

Merv the accountant

Decides “Why life insurance

If you don’t live some?”*

*note – the ‘Sock is getting cavity searched by the TSA at the airport today because his neck titanium keeps setting off the metal detectors so it may be a while before I post the front page winners.  Deal with it.

This guy…again?!?

You have to give NadaFinga points for consistency (no bun intended). He IS presenting a Peaches-Like Focus with the digits.

I think we may be seeing more of this dude when DB1 returns from his LollalaPoopa marathon next week.  Son.

Meanwhile…What is that device that Bikini MILF is clutching? 10 points to the ‘bag hunter who can figure out what that white thing is…

If you squeeze a juicy purple grape it might let out a little whine…

Oh. I know what you’re saying. “Butt…but DarkSock™…where’s the DoucheBag in this photo, LULZ?!?“, you whinny.

Just look at that joker in the background, hobblin’ around sporting his Ed Hardy knee bandage.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

So…take a GOOD LONG HARD look at this picture and then render forth a suitably snarky caption in the comment sections.  I can’t be doing all the work around here.   And by “all” I mean “any”.

Grape Apes.

What's got two thumbs an' likes to taste the rainbow?

Dis Guy!!!

Ayyyy!

Douche? Nottadouche? Leonardo DiCaprio’s third cousin who’s  missin’ a couple a chromosomes?  

Discuss.

But Sweet Cindy has more curves than the new Forza racing game.  Medical FACT.

And by all means, check out the plethora of crude limericks the previous post posited.

Plethora, I says.

Posited, I also says.

It's time for the annual Limerick Wednesday!!!

There was a faux hippy named Dave,

Who needs twins to make his flag wave;

But Trixie and Tori

Saw his Old Glory –

His Stars nor his Stripe could they save.

Oh…what?  Think YOU can do better? Please proceed, Governor, to the Comments Sections and hold court.

I really hope that’s just dirt on his flag-pantaloons…

***EDIT***

Y’all crazy.  Over 50 limericks and counting…so here are some of the ones I CAN post on the front page.  For those of you who visit the site each day but don’t check out the comments thread….Yer missin’ out.  So here are some of the PG-13 friendly highlights, plus a well-deserved chaser of Gratuitous Pear™:

Is that a good Patriot?

Standing between the two slut?

I say Hell NO

More like a foe

Who needs a punch to his gut!

– Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt

There once was a pud named Steve

Who thought he had some tricks up his sleeve

His colors he flaunted;

He remained undaunted

But the girls just wished he would leave.

– Douche Wayne

When bangin the Doublemint Twins

Brett heard twice the amount “Is it in?”

Try as he might

to keep it upright

I think you all know how this ends.

– Plinky’s Daughter (aka…)

This douchebag is clearly insane

And he’s surely inviting the pain

He’s about to be kicked

In his little boy prick

By a flag hating Lil’ Wayne.

– Crucial Head

His advances were promptly spurned

For the girls’ stomachs were violently churned

By the worn and soiled flag

That made them both gag

According the US Flag Code, it must be burned

– Jacques Doucheteau

These three at some low-rent event

were seeking a way to pay rent

give the bleeths a dollar

and they’ll make you holla

but for Fred it is only 5 cents.

– Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche

The Man-Boy looked like the dopes,

He thought he had vibes like the popes

Buy he spoke like a douche

And his hair filled with mousse

Didn’t touch the blonde gyroscopes.

– The Reverend Chad Kroeger (respect)

And now, the demeaning PrurientPalooza for which you craven cuckold crones cry…

Expresso Pear

Long-Stemmed Pear

MonoChromatic Pear

Well-Oiled Pear

Peach Fuzz Pear

Stair Pear (at which you stare…)

NadaFinga Makes another point

I’ve seen pointer douches before, Sir. You are no Peaches.

With great pointing comes great responsibility.

I’m not sure what he’s pointing at. Perhaps the 2-for-1 happy hour specials?  Help me out here.

crystal douche asks are you awake, bag hunters?

Because he has been since Thursday.

NadaFinga Douche is trying to tell us something…

But I cannot fathom what it is.

By all means, enlighten me as to what he’s trying to tell us, as always, in the comments section.

Son.