Friday, August 30, 2013
Friday Haiku
Merv the accountant
Decides “Why life insurance
If you don’t live some?”*
*note – the ‘Sock is getting cavity searched by the TSA at the airport today because his neck titanium keeps setting off the metal detectors so it may be a while before I post the front page winners. Deal with it.
Looks like the Make a
Wish Foundation cut a deal
With the Bunny Ranch
On a positive
Note, it is unlikely Merv
Has any VD.
I don’t give a fuck
A club foot is sexy as
Hell, said the blond one.
I was under the
Belief that sex with retards
Was against the law?
He will be a god
Amongst his World of Warcraft
Buddies after this.
Be gentle, I bruise
easy and have IBS
Merv exclaimed to them.
Sid rocks his walker
To Ellen Barkin visit
Sue’s prepped for his death.
Could you empty my
Piss bag please? Its tied to my
Sock garters, thank you.
Merv boasts several
Metabolic disorders
And skin diseases.
Last Munchkin from Oz
Wins the Survivor Award
Can’t party that much
Merv died due to a
High level of creepiness
Throughout his bloodstream
Fred orders hookers
For the ‘boys’ at Old Folks Home
Easy pay for them
It only cost six
Months pay for them to perform
A Roman Shower.
Graduates of the
Anna Nicole Smith School of
How to Find a Man
Harvey the Nebbish
Needs a walker because he
Has such a huge Schmekle
These sex surrogates
say “shit, this isn’t like the
film with Helen Hunt”
The Shabbos Shiksas
Take Harvey to Shul, give head
And love Kosher meat
Mail Order Brides can’t
Screw since the Walker was put
In their Monkey Holes
Skip the flowers Merv
No romance here. They only
accept cash or Visa
Rub on the lotion
or they will get the hose. The
Metamucil hose
“Hey ladies check out
my fuzzy green balls.” Merv boasts
about his walker feet.
David Paymer can
still pull the hotts but he can’t
pull anything else.
I’ve got a Rascal,
a Craftmatic bed, and two
new hips. Lets party!
Back in my day it
costs a penny for HJs
a buck for a fuck.
Merv gets older but
the scheming gold digger babes
still stay the same age.
Sorry Merv these chicks
are gonna need more than a
gram and a slice. Wink.
Take Your Daughters to
Work Day just got a whole lot
sexier. Thanks Merv.
Little yellow Sun
in the corner has sure seen
some worse shit than this.
Notta, go in peace
until Merv removes shirt to
reveal new tatt sleeves.
Don’t piss off Merv. He
picks all AVN winners
with stroke of one hand.
Even the Chicken
Ranch needs to file tax returns
and hookers can’t add.
Merv is my hero
if he can get hotts to serve
as his Life Alerts.
.
.
.
.
.
.
button pushers
Adopting Russian
“orphans” in their twenty’s is
a great tax write-off.
Merv can still give it
to them long and hard using
a shuffleboard pole.
Merv stops to smell the
roses late in his life. Smell
covers up bleeth queefs.
Merv will have to wait
for the nurse to bring blender
before he eats pears.
Notta douche for Merv
unless underneath that old
man mask lies FishSlap.
Mervs go to move is
to bend them over walker
and then call for help.
Girls see dollar signs
when they look at Merv. Merv sees
two holes and heartbeats.
I’m glad we live in
a world where with enough cash
love can find a way.
Don’t use Polygrip
Since the gyroscope was put
In her Monkey Hole.
It puts ostomy
In the basket or it gets
The hose. The poo hose.
Six pound prostate? Check.
Fauxnohawk? Check. Blinged out
walker? Nope. Notta.
Anorexia
has struck the funhouse mirror;
none see a difference.
Shrunken Head Harold
parties with the Amazons;
waits to be tied up.
Serves ’em bouquet of
undercooked bacon flowers,
hopes for some porking.
TSA asswipes
saddle the ‘Sock? Hope they have
swishing backsides. Sons.
.
.
.
.
.
* – Yeah, Googling “swishing backsides” images brought that photo up first. It’s like they knew…..
^ I’m just impressed you had the foresight to google “swishing backsides.”
TSA holds ‘Sock;
unusual amount of
horse pee in luggage.
Only Darksock forced
to go through customs despite
intrastate travel.
DarkSock joining Mile
Neigh Club with the Kentucky
Derby’s winning horse.
DarkSock has never
been the same since customs found
drugs in monkey hole.
Sock given enhanced
pat down by the TSA
somthing ’bout a boat
TSA’s first tip
was large number of horse
tails in carry-on.
‘Sock needs new airline
where personal freedoms are
not questioned too much.
Full body scanner
sent for repairs once Darksock
peed in its hard drive.
Like dogs in a car,
horses can’t stand up in boats
and not fall over.
“Sir, you cannot use
the bathroom before takeoff.
Use this horse, instead.”
Merv came to find out
Just what that vaguely Asian
kid is pointing at.
Merv comes to terms with
his own mortality. Then
comes in turns with bleeths.
Sock gets detained for
pics of flight attendant pear
he took for spank bank.
Sock is now on the
no fly list for the crime of
CLASSIFIED
peeing in horses.CLASSIFIED