Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Future Janitors of America Unite!

I take it back. Janitors are good people.

DJ Colonic offers the zombie stare of the spirtually deadened. Not to mention that the tatts he got in Vegas are actually tatts of Vegas, a Rubegoldbergian paradoxical Escher conundrum that not even Sartre can exit from.

Clarissa’s coy, pensive smile suggests she is on break and in over her head. Sadly, Clarissa, there’s little help at the bottom of that bucket of Bud Light Limes.

Just an ugly hangover amidst a rumpled room at the Venetian.

And a sneaky burning covert form of crotch itch that chlorinated pools only exacerbate. As you’ll learn the hard way.

Vinnie Sphincter Is In Bidness, Yo

Yo! He got mad business props, yo!

Like, took one of them online classes, you know what he’s sayin’? One of them mad bidness classes! Like at DeVry or maybe U. of Phoenix, it don’t matter to Vinnie Sphincter. All that matters is he took that class yo, and it was tight!

Like skies openin up and rainin’ money n’ shit!

And now Vinnie’s all makin’ mad cash and snaggin’ Sexy Belinda, and hustlin’ and, you know, doin’ what it takes to get shit done!

Don’t ask questions, son! Vinnie Sphincter don’t have to explain nuthin’ to ya!

If ya got the goods you don’t gotta answer to know one is all he’s sayin’.

What’s that?

His cell phone just got cut off?

Don’t be mad hatin’, yo.

It’s all part of the plan.

And then, in Germany, this happened.

Worst. Post-Holocaust. Germanic Atrocity. Ever.

Well. Other than this guy.

Poodles.

Guy Who Makes Puking Faces for Pictures Guy

While we celebrate some collective mock for Guy Who Makes Puking Faces for Pictures Guy (and everyone knows one), I’mma mull putting the purity suckle quality booble fondle of Cuddle Perfect Suckle Lisa in the hallowed Hall of Hott.

Yet more evidence: Cuddle Perfect Suckle Lisa’s HCwDB cohabit with Beachbag Dave.

Not that Milfy Mom Carol ain’t worth not shaking a stick at. Even with her Androgynous Bestie, Burning Sophie.

No idea what I’m saying. Coffee time.

Standard Vegas Shoescrape Says "Wut"

It don’t matter.

Cuddle Perfect Suckle Lisa and her Bestie Blonde Kelly, currently in her collegiate “experimental” phase, are there to comfort me.

The Afflicted Soul of American Dispair

It takes a keen eye but, if you look closely, embedded in this off-the-cuff douchal boob grab lies the coded template for the paralytic craven rot plaguing the existential crisis of American soul.

Either that or some dickhead got a trust fund.

The Douche of Wall Street

HCwDB is pleased to feature a still from the upcoming Roger Corman produced “The Douche of Wall Street.”

You know.

Those low budget ripoffs of famous films that kinda sorta sound like the film and then get rented by moronis who can’t tell the diff.

Like Jurassic Pa- Carnosaur.

The Hemoglobin Says "Wut"

A marked improvement from last week when The Hemoglobin could only grunt and scratch his nethers like an angry rhesus monkey.

Fierce Katie will spend your credit card on martinis and steaks and then demand that you thank her for her time. Which you do. Because you hate yourself.

According to the Kids, "twerk" Means "To Work it"

That would explain the screams.

Friday Thoughts and Links

Remember, kids.

Douchey sunglasses can always be discarded.

Douchey tatts of 19th Century philosopher/poets on one’s forearm are forever.

Hells, I think the great ‘Sock Week already featured this pic, but whatevs. Don’t cost nuthin’.

So Casa Du Baby continues to be a lot of poo and diapers for your humb narras. But I’m carryin’ on.

The mock may be quieter these days.

But it continues.

Like a fine Romulan Ale, it is both strong and blue.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB Please Buy Some Shit To Pay For Site Costs Link of the Week: Chris Hardwick would drink a case of this if he thought it would get a two share for his upcoming live chat show, “Talking CSI: Omaha”

For those who missed it, Corey Feldman’s birthday. Where the party gift bag is a lip virus.

Hot Chicks cash in on YouTube by playing mediocre covers. Boobs.

Bored this weekend? Enjoy this fascinating interview with the reclusive director of Risky Business.

Hollywood. Where even the most talented artists inevitably raise douchey-ass teenage shitwads.

Meet Vodka_Samm. Just don’t buy her a drink.

3D imaging shows the tech behind the art.

If you’ve ever wanted to hear the Beatles’ Abbey Road vocal tracks in isolation, and I know you have, here they is. It’s like One Direction mated with the Backstreet Boys.

13 celebrities posing with old versions of themselves. If you’re bored.

Okay, you earned it:

Tribeachpear

You’re welcome.